The Last Boy Scout Page #4

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He fell asleep.

Had time for one dream.

Then he died.

I think about him all the time.

I threw for 300 yards that day.

While my wife and kid were dying...

...I had the game of my life.

Life sucks.

Can I use your shower?

Bathroom's down the hall

on the right.

Here's a towel.

This what you looked for at Cory's?

This what you were looking for?

- That's $ 1000 worth of sh*t!

- Shut up!

Get the f*** out of my house

before I break your neck.

I use it to get by.

I don't use it.

I get by.

Get dressed and get out.

All right. I forgot.

Talking to Dudley-f***ing-Do-right!

That sh*t happens real easy.

It starts out...

...painkillers.

Using Demerol because

your knees are shot!

Before you know it, you're chewing

codeine with breakfast.

Then a truck comes out of nowhere...

...and you're talking to God,

saying, "Help me out, Big Guy.

I pay taxes and go to church.

What's with this

dead wife and kid sh*t?"

But He ain't answering.

He ain't taking calls that day.

Instead, I get a call

from the f***ing league.

They're saying,

"Kid, your career's over. "

I say, "Why?"

Because I gambled.

Why is there an injury report

in pro football?

Nobody else has one.

But pro football does.

You know why?

That's so gamblers will have

an accurate spread!

It's all business. They push

until you blow your brains out.

Like Billy Cole!

Can't you see the hypocrites

took away my life!

When you're done pitying yourself,

the door's that way.

You bastard.

And then some.

Sign my card?

Sorry I was so bitchy before.

- Your dad's pretty pissed.

- He'll get over it.

You were his biggest hero.

Since when?

Since I was little.

You should've heard him.

"Jimmy this, Jimmy that.

Best quarterback in the game. "

When you got busted, he quit watching.

Does he punch all his heroes?

Who are you?

- This is the guy? You sure?

- It's him.

The kid with the million-dollar arm?

Don't look like much.

Which of you looks more like my dick?

Say what you got to say,

or get out of my way.

Grab him.

It's okay, folks!

It's okay. It's okay.

Thank you. Thank you.

Danger is my middle name.

Don't try this at home.

I'm a trained professional.

There's me...

...and there's Super Dave.

- I got bad news and bad news.

- Give me the bad news first.

Someone bounced Jimmy Dix off a car.

Now give me the bad news.

I got a statement

from Hallenbeck's neighbor.

The day he died, Mike Matthews

came to Hallenbeck's house...

...to discuss a case.

So Hallenbeck says.

How come Hallenbeck's neighbor claims...

...Matthews' car was

in the same spot all night?

Why did he lie?

Matthews is f***ing his wife.

That's why the car was there.

Matthews was f***ing his wife.

Hallenbeck just got back to town.

Christ!

Joe wasted the bastard himself.

He waltzed right out of my office.

I let the son of a b*tch go.

Give me a chance. I'll get him.

Tommy.

You can go to a party when you're 17.

Morning, Joseph.

We got trouble, Milo.

Pick up his gun by the trigger guard.

Give it to me.

Is there a problem?

Yes, there is. Apparently,

there are too many bullets in this gun.

Fingerprints.

Naughty boy, Joseph.

You just shot a policeman.

It's you, Daddy.

He's awake.

Make sure.

I'm awake.

You nearly broke my wrist.

Milo warned us to watch out for him.

F*** that! F*** you.

Look at him. He's nothing.

Guy's a piece of sh*t.

Got a cigarette?

Cigarette? Sure.

I got a cigarette.

Got a light?

Yeah, I got a light.

Hey, I thought you were tough.

He's not so bad.

I dropped my cigarette.

May I have another?

Sure.

Sure thing, buddy.

I'm going to need a light.

Touch me again, I'll kill you.

Bamba! Baby!

Oh, baby! Two for two!

We got a two for two!

Told you!

Jesus Christ!

You f***ing killed him!

He's dead!

Is there a problem?

He just killed him! He put his

f***ing nose through his brain!

I needed a light.

Joseph, you don't disappoint me.

You took an awful risk.

Pablo could have shot you dead.

If you wanted me dead,

you'd have killed me already.

That's true.

- Can we do a formal introduction?

- Who gives a f***?

You're the bad guy.

I am the bad guy.

And I'm supposed to

tremble with fear?

Something like that.

Fine. I'll start trembling

in a minute.

In the meantime,

could I have a drink?

I don't see why not.

Take the corpse away,

and fix Mr. Hallenbeck a drink.

Make that two.

If it isn't Shelly Marcone himself.

Careful, son.

Just my friends call me Shelly.

You got friends?

When did this happen?

You sure are feisty for

a fellow in your position.

Teach him some manners.

Touch me again, I'll kill you.

What f***ing conspiracy

are you talking about?

Hallenbeck's a fruit loop.

He's been after

Senator Baynard for years.

You want me to believe the

senator's mixed up in this?

I'll say it again for

the cheap seats, lieutenant.

I don't know where Joe is!

That's my f***ing statement!

Write it down and shove it up your ass.

I could nail you for obstruction.

You couldn't nail a $2 whore.

Charge me with something or let me out!

My husband did not kill a cop!

Aside from that, I can't help you.

May we go now?

Can I have a minute with

your mom in private?

Pleasure.

Do you deny being sexually involved...

...with Matthews prior to his death?

Why am I calling?

I had to hear your sweet voice.

And I need a favor.

No, it ain't like that.

No, it wasn't no liquor talking.

You're not fat.

You're just a whole lot of woman.

Do me a favor, big mama.

Senator Calvin Baynard.

He's a season ticket holder.

Punch up the address

where you send the tickets.

Good girl.

Don't worry. I'll find him.

How?

When in doubt,

try the nearest bad guy.

Football is a dying beast, Joe.

No heroes left.

Not anymore.

Since old Sonny Werblin paid $400,000

to Joe Namath in '66...

...the bastards have gotten greedier.

God Almighty, when's it enough?

Jesus! Free agents!

"Give me, give me, give me!"

Now you got guys on PCP,

shooting themselves on the field.

The American public's tired of it,

and they're changing the channel.

The ratings are down.

So you'll bribe senators

to legalize gambling.

Legalize sports gambling.

You see, with all the heroes gone...

...only legalized gambling

will save the beast.

You follow me?

We're talking about big bucks.

We're talking billions.

That's nine zeroes, son.

I'm not your f***ing son.

Have you ever heard of

the Senate's Commission...

...to investigate gambling

in pro sports?

Is that who you're paying off?

The Commission votes in March.

I got them all in my hip pocket,

except Senator Calvin Baynard.

I tried to bribe that son of a b*tch.

He gave it back because

it wasn't enough.

- What's he want?

- 6 million.

Or he'll go straight to the police.

It'll just be cheaper to

kill that son of a b*tch.

Taking off a senator is ballsy,

even for an a**hole like you.

You said it, Joe-boy.

That's why we'll frame you

for the senator's murder.

As chairman of the Commission,

I'll simply say this:

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