The Last Dragon Page #2

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He'll slit my throat if you don't do this.

Come on, Laura!

What are you talking about?

You in some trouble?

- Who's going to slit your throat?

- Sit down, we've got a show!

Laura, this guy plays rough.

Thirty seconds, Laura.

What guy? Okay. Tell me, J.J., who?

- Eddie Arkadian.

- Who is Eddie Arkadian?

Eddie Arkadian is a heavy dude

who wants to have this videotape...

...played in the worst way.

Come on, Laura!

Fifteen seconds, Laura.

Come on. Let's go!

Come here. Great.

Why don't you just call a cop, okay?

My life is not filled with all that craziness.

Five seconds!

Tell that Eddie Ark,

or whatever his name is, to forget it!

- Arkadian. Laura!

- One! You're on!

"I found a place, finally find a place

for you and me to go

"If you want to get in

Step up in the elevator

"Press number seven

That's all you got to do

"To get to Seventh Heaven

"I can't believe what you're gonna see

"Once you get inside

I know you'll love my ride

"You can fool around in my room

"And enjoy my golden ride, keep it up

"Up and around I'll never let you down

"Going up, I'll keep it up

and around will I ever

"Never say never

"At Heaven's elevator door

"Because once you dare

"You can't get it up anymore"

Thank you, everybody,

and welcome to Seventh Heaven.

I'm glad you made it. I'm glad I made it.

Today my special guests,

the tastemakers...

...from the now generation,

with my Cloud Crowd.

J.J., my main man! What's happening?

What?

Nobody turns down

an Eddie Arkadian invitation.

Nobody.

So come on down and join us

because the winner...

...will get a Seventh Heavenly

evening out on the town with me.

What do you think about that?

How about a kiss?

Who said that?

- I did!

- No, I said it!

Well, you never know.

But here's one for now.

Got it!

"You found my place

"You finally found my place

Yes, love's inside my lords

"Dancin' all the time

Hop off the elevator

"Hell with incinerators

Heaven never burned

"An angel on a fire

"He never burned an angel on a fire

He was full of desire

"Oh, no, we don't burn angels on the fire"

That's my babe!

- What are you talkin' about?

- That's my woman up there.

- Laura?

- She don't know it yet, but she's mine.

Yeah!

- Laura, sign here!

- I love you, Laura!

We love you, Laura!

How you doin' tonight, Sal?

You just sit back and relax. Sal got sick.

What are you doing?

The right thing, Ms. Charles,

which is what...

...you're gonna do if you got half a brain.

- Help! Somebody help me!

- Put her in the car!

Come on, get her in here.

- Help me, somebody!

- Get in the car, b*tch!

I would not do that if I were you.

You little punk!

What are you, crazy?

Huh, tough guy? Come on!

Your mother!

Come on!

Come on! Come here!

Are you all right, miss?

Yeah. I don't know. I guess so.

What about you? Are you okay?

They did not harm me.

Wow!

Your things.

That's okay, I can get them.

It seems that everything is safe now.

Yeah.

You sure you are all right?

Yeah, really.

Just a little shaken up, I think.

God, what was that all about?

I don't believe it.

You were really something, boy.

I just don't know how to thank you.

Did you see where that guy went?

Yeah, he's right...

I don't know. You getting in or what?

Come on, honey, let's go.

Where is that deejay lady anyway?

I mean, what's the big deal?

- Can't she just meet us there?

- Angela, sweetheart, shut up!

- But, Eddie, I'm hungry. I want to go!

- I said shut up!

Gee, don't cry.

Listen, Laura what's-her-face

is gonna be here any second.

We don't want our star to look like

a little pig peed in her eyes now, do we?

Then knock it off!

Don't bug me! Fix your face!

Shut up!

As soon as the chick gets here,

we leave, okay? Okay.

- Now, boss.

- Boss!

Boss, don't get mad

because it wasn't our fault, all right?

- There was nothing we could do.

- There were bodyguards.

There must have been 20 or 30 of them!

- These big...

- Black guys!

Yeah, black guys.

- Yeah, with chains!

- Chains, clubs, they had everything.

They had pipes, bats, they had everything!

All right, all right!

So the broad wants to play tough, huh?

All right.

Two of us can play that game.

Hey, Rock! Come here.

I got a little job for you.

The tank?

Bring her back in one piece, will you?

Chinese GoJu is my secret, I bear no arms.

May God help me

if I ever have to use my art.

Conscience is our guide.

Peace is our shelter.

Beauty and perfection is our life.

See the courtesy.

Kis-Kay! Break!

Johnny, what are you doing?

Well, you see, Leroy,

you know how you're always teaching us...

...to master the art of fighting

without fighting?

Well, I did you one better.

I mastered the art of fighting

without knowing how to fight.

You see, people...

People are afraid of Oriental dudes.

Give them a little move, a little scream,

and lots of attitude.

Check this out.

Johnny, to seek safety

one must go to the heart of danger.

The sign outside says this here school

is for instructions in the martial arts.

- We thought we might get some lessons.

- Yeah, where do we sign up?

- How many yen?

- I'd like to learn some kung fu.

- Come on, hot stuff!

- Come on, Leroy.

Teach me something.

I do not wish to fight you.

Well, who do you "wish" to fight then?

One of them?

Or one of the ladies, maybe?

Yeah, since you're too much

of a sissy to fight me...

...maybe they're more your speed.

Get him, girls.

Maybe you can get a rise

out of this limp wimp!

- You wanna wrestle?

- Hey, little girl.

All you've got is this bod and that's it.

I would love to peel this banana.

Come on, handsome, show us your stuff!

How about a little kiss on my fist?

He's too much of a gentleman to hit a lady.

You look scared to me!

Yeah! Come on, Leroy!

- Yeah, that's right! Bow, sucker!

- Yeah!

Bow down to your master!

Yeah, coolie, kiss my Converse!

- So sorry. Excuse, please.

- Bow!

Bow!

Enough!

You want to fight?

You fight me, you big ugly,

smelly-breathed sucker!

How about you, string bean,

Rick-James-lookin' fool?

Beast, kill him!

Get him, Beast!

Bow down or I'm gonna snap

this clown in two!

Yeah, that's right, fool!

Kiss 'em!

Down!

Beast, let him go.

You may not wish to fight me now, sucker!

But you will! I'm gonna see to that!

Sayonara.

- Who's the master?

- Sho'nuff!

- Who's the master?

- Sho'nuff!

The Shogun of Harlem!

Yeah!

Sometimes it is hard

to live the way of the wise.

Hey, Reloy!

Your papa-san,

he wants you in the kitchen, man!

Good morning, Green Sanitarium,

Warden speaking...

...and I must say our inmates

are off to a promising start this morning.

Who's calling? Roy!

I can't come now.

I'm being held captive till the coolie,

moonie kid comes down from the roof.

He's becoming one with his brain again.

Yeah.

All right, I'll catch you later

at the rehearsal.

Hey, let me get this straight.

The prize in this contest,

you hope to win, is a date?

"Am" gonna win.

And it ain't no thing

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