The Last Dragon Page #6

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I'm not Jewish.

Is this where he does all that stuff?

Yeah, I do it, too.

That's really wonderful!

Yep!

Well, you see, I'm on my way back to...

...Kew Gardens.

You gotta tell Mr. Leroy that...

...he better stay away

from Seventh Heaven.

Why?

Because of my "former" producer,

associate...

...and boyfriend, Eddie Arkadian.

He's gone crazy.

Tonight's show is conceived...

Tonight's show is conceived...

...written, produced, directed and starring...

...Eddie Arkadian!

Tonight, we make show biz history...

...my way!

I'm getting funky to the smooth...

...cool sounds of Fast Eddie A!

"I want you, I need you

"I love you

Lovin' you every night

"I crumble at your touch and"

What's that?

Fire.

"You've got me burning hot with desire

"I feel my temperature

rising higher

"And, baby, fire

Keep the flame

"Burning love"

Who is she?

Charlene.

"How sublime

"I feel the passion in my soul"

She got a manager?

I don't know.

Fire!

This is sure one strange game of craps,

soul brother!

Yeah!

This is how we play in Harlem.

You want to play

like soul brother number one?

- Yeah!

- Yeah! Right!

- You play like this.

- All right, I'm sorry.

Now, it is your turn.

- Do not step on the line.

- Right!

My man.

Right on!

Two, three, five.

Turkey!

Sh*t!

You turkey!

- I collect this whole pot, baby!

- What time is it?

- Where is the Master?

- Master?

Looks like my man forgot about his pizza.

- I must see him now.

- No, no!

The wise one never sees nobody.

He will see me.

- I have this.

- What you got?

Check this out!

- It's nice, huh?

- Yeah, I like that.

Okay, here, come with me.

I will see him now?

Yeah, come on.

Just wait here.

Where is the Master?

I want to see him now!

Please! There is no master!

- You lie!

- No, it's true!

We made him up

to sell more fortune cookies!

- Tell him!

- It's true!

- Please!

- Show him!

I'll show you!

- Over here! I'll show you!

- Yeah, show him!

Show him!

This is Sum Dum Goy.

Why?

Why, Master?

Why have you sent me on a journey

to find someone who does not exist?

Why?

So, you have not found

the master that you seek.

There is no Sum Dum Goy.

He is a computer.

Why have you done this to me?

Here.

It contains everything you need...

...to find your way to the golden glow.

Think, Leroy!

You have just opened a fortune cookie

without a fortune...

...written by a master who does not exist...

...to find the solution to a problem...

...whose answer you already know.

And this?

You needed a charm.

A true master would use this

to hold up his pants.

Enough.

There is one place...

...that you have not yet looked.

It is there, only there...

...that you shall find the master.

Now, if you will excuse me,

my plane leaves shortly.

You are going on a quest for knowledge?

No, I'm going to visit my mother in Miami.

Leroy!

Are you actually gonna fight them?

Well, you can't be serious!

Leroy, I never would've told you

if I thought you'd actually go there!

What are you, nuts?

You're not going all alone, are you?

Are you?

All right then. Then I'm going with you.

If you go, I go!

Okay.

Okay?

Do you plan to fight

with only your bare hands?

Do you not need a weapon?

Weapon, right!

What are you doing?

This isn't funny, Leroy!

Johnny, I am sorry.

I must do this alone.

Leroy, come back here!

Leroy! I'm afraid of the dark!

Leroy!

Gag her!

Right, boss.

Come on!

The key. Wait.

Put the key in the latch and turn it!

- Okay, I'm trying!

- Well, try harder!

Okay!

Okay, you can come out now!

Come on, let's go!

Where are we going?

We already missed the second show.

- Would you just come on?

- Okay!

Welcome...

...to my little party in your honor, Leroy.

The guest list has been compiled...

...so that you go out in style.

You don't mind if my friends

introduce themselves, do you, Leroy?

Then let the games...

...begin!

Bravo, Leroy! Ol!

I'm gonna whack this guy out

and get it over with now!

Give me that thing!

For God's sake, take that off!

I said take it off!

You've got to ruin everything!

The time, money, the energy I've spent!

Get it off! Get the broad!

Attaboy, Leroy!

You're a bunch of wussies, you know that?

More volume!

All right!

Way to go, Goliath!

Go, Geronimo! Give him a lick!

Go, Johnny!

Come on! Will you make it interesting?

Good! That's one for you!

Johnny! Are you all right?

Sh*t!

Come on, you old Crunch!

Johnny!

Come on, you miserable slob!

God, what a slug!

You got it, Johnny!

Move out. Come on, Plan B.

Let's go! Move out!

Let's get the hell out of here!

- Come on, will you?

- Okay, move!

Come on.

This way!

Hey, Leroy!

That was almost worth

the price of admission in there!

And to think,

the featured act is yet to come!

Come on, Leroy!

Mojo, you go that way! Just go!

Come on!

Holy sh*t!

Let her go, or next time I will not miss.

Next time, I won't miss either!

Got you now, you little punk!

You'll never use that again!

Let me go!

Let him go!

Anything you say!

Let me at him!

- Let me at him! I'll save you, Laura!

- Are you all right?

Of course I'm all right.

I've got to save Laura.

You are not going anywhere.

- Leroy, I wanna help!

- No!

- I've got to save Laura!

- You will be safe here.

Leroy, I've got to save Laura!

I was doing all right

'til the guy got to drop on me!

Leroy! Come on, man!

You warmed up yet?

Yeah!

Come on, Leroy, let me out!

Be careful.

There's nothing like this on stage,

screen, radio, TV, or cable, baby!

This is an exclusive!

Get him! Come on, hit him.

There, n*gger, please!

Duck, Leroy!

You can't do that to my brother!

Get him, Leroy!

That's the way! Get him, Leroy!

All right, come on.

Stings a little, don't it?

Come on, Leroy.

You can run, but you can't hide.

Playtime's over, boy.

Ain't this beautiful? I love it!

This is theater!

Now...

...when I say:

Who's the master?

You say:

Sho'nuff.

Who's the master?

We need a better view.

Come on, ringside seats!

Now, I'm gonna ask you one more time.

Who is the master?

Wait a minute, sweetheart!

I love you. Just stay here.

Who is the master?

I can't hear you, Leroy!

Drown him, for Christ's sake!

Will you drown him?

Who is the master?

I said, who's the master?

I can't hear you!

Who is the master?

There is one place

that you have not yet looked.

It is there, only there...

...that you shall find the master.

You sure look like a master to me.

All right, Leroy,

who's the one and only master?

I am.

I am!

What the...

Sh*t!

Goddamn!

Let me go, motherf***er! Let me go!

Holy sh*t!

Okay, come on!

I applaud you, Leroy!

That's a great finish.

Not the ending I had in mind,

but it's a great finish.

You see, a.45 will put an end

to all this kung fu crap.

All it takes is one little bullet.

So, take your final bows, scum sucker!

- Leroy!

- No, no!

Go, Leroy!

Drown him, Leroy! Get him!

Drown that sucker!

What? Oh, God, no!

- All right!

- No, wait! Jesus!

No, listen!

I've never seen anything like that!

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