The Last Dragonslayer Page #3

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Now, you are to hire Sir Grifflon

as your Official Assistant.

What? Really? Me?

That... Gosh, that is...

Me? That is a surprise.

But yeah, great!

How about it, princess? Hey?

No, thanks.

There will be no slaying,

Your Highest Highness.

You dare to defy your King?

Seize her!

Feed her to the trolls,

get her out of here.

And you better like

the taste of coconuts!

Sire, Sire, Sire, Sire, Sire...

Sire, please,

a tiny urgent word?

She is the Dragonslayer.

And without a Slayer to slay it,

who knows when a dragon might die'?

Er... decades? Longer?

Alright. Whoa!

I was just testing you!

Release her, you idiots!

Bring her back

Don't you just love him, Jennifer?

A king-sized sense of humour. Sire.

Jennifer, I'd like to offer you a deal.

Ten thousand gold pieces

your freedom from servitude,

by order of the King...

I could get you a new... er...

What?

Er... a date with Sir Grifflon?

Ah yes. A date with Sir Grifflon.

Yowsa! Love is in the air!

All this for agreeing,

for Sir Grifflon to be your Assistant.

I mean, this is the easiest decision

you'll ever make.

Take a day or two

to think it over, yeah?

It's thinking that rocks.

Don't mind him.

He's a bit of a hothead.

He'll be peachy

once he calms down.

Come on.

So long, girlfriend.

Gramophones!

Cutting-edge gramophones!

Come and take a look!

You've never seen

anything like them in your life!

Sorry to swoop on you,

Jennifer darling, but...

I am in the grip of

a rather testing situation.

Do you remember Tiger Prawns?

Hello, Tiger.

You haven't changed.

Hello, Jennifer.

It's nice to see you again.

You too, Tiger.

He's been sent back.

Again?

Again.

Third time, actually.

And if I can't get him placed

somewhere by nightfall

the King's men will take him.

But the good news is I have found

somewhere that will have him.

A television station, no less.

Oh... Oh. er... Stop.!

Hereford news can now reveal

that the girl who will slay the dragon

is a teenage indentured orphan

known by the name of

Jennifer Strange.

Come back soon

for our exclusive interview with her!

An exclusive television interview

is their price?

For taking him. Yes.

Despite him being

very, very irritating

I really don't want to lose this one

to the Troll Wars.

We both know

you'll help him, Jennifer.

You're too kind for your own good.

Testing... testing...

Everyone alright?

Everyone happy?

Yep.

- Happy. happy, happy? Great.

Those bags! Were you asleep?

This is a lot of people.

They've started camping

along the border.

Everyone wants to be in pole position

to claim some land

once the nasty thing's dead.

That "thing" is called Maltcassion.

Yeah, that's nice, right. Sit down.

Okay, everyone, we're on,

in five, four, three...

Wait! I don't even know

what I'm supposed to be...

Hermione Twizzle here

on the border of the Dragonlands

for a super-special,

super-exclusive, little chat

with the girl who's going to kill

a dragon on Sunday.

I know the crowd here

is crazy to meet her.

It's Jennifer Strange, everybody!

Okay! Settle down, everyone.

Okay, first question.

And it's a big one.

What are you going to wear

to kill the dragon?

Is it like a really nasty,

bulky armour thing

or can you twin your weapons with

something cute like a mini-skirt?

Maybe a scarf could really help

your sword "pop"?

Look, I want to make this clear.

I'm not going to kill the dragon.

Not unless it violates the Pact,

which looks very unlikely.

But Sunday is Slay Day!

We've all made costumes.

Yeah!

Everyone should just go home

and stop hoping for

the death of the dragon.

It's the soul of magic!

What the hell are you doing?

Give them what they want!

The dragon's a goner!

She's just playing with you.

I am not!

Don't you chicken out!

Killing that dragon's my only chance

of getting some land!

I dream of building

a pay-by-the-hour car park!

You cow!

Hey, if we kill her,

then we get a new Slayer!

Jennifer!

- Take Tiger to Zambini Towers!

Tell them he's to replace me!

Moobin! Moobin, where are you?

What are you doing?

Look!

What is it?

It's the note that Zambini wrote.

Or rather tried to write.

"My darling Jennifer"...

He didn't get very far, did he'?

- Turn it over.

It's a receipt!

And the date is

the day he disappeared.

And quite possibly it's from

the last place he visited.

A seeing spell, perhaps?

If we can manage it.

We have to find him, Moobin.

I... I don't think the girl can cope

without him.

You're not worried about her,

are you, Tilly?

Of course not!

I'm a bit worried about her.

Being the Dragonslayer's

a lot of pressure

and she's got the whole of the kingdom

bullying her into doing the deed.

Yes, and she is not even grown up.

But you're not worried about her?

- No!

Now, would you kindly collect

all the apparatus we need

and stop being such an appalling ass!

The last Dragonslayer seeks an audience

with the last dragon!

I should tell you...

I'm not here to slay you today.

It's not Sunday yet, is it?

Did you get the vision too'?

Dragons have a talent for visions.

Now, tell me, what brings you here

so prematurely?

My employer, the Great Zambini,

has been magically trapped.

But I thought,

with you being the soul of magic...

Please.

I'll give you anything you want

if you'll help me.

He was like a father to me.

I'd sooner roast than stop trying.

Bold.

Perhaps ours will be

a glorious battle after all.

There will be no battle.

Now, will you help me?

That kind of magic would tax

even the most powerful young dragons.

My time is nearly over.

I am old and my magic is weak.

I cannot help.

You will face me on Sunday.

No.

I would never end magic!

If you fail to face me, Dragonslayer

then magic will destroy the kingdom.

Everyone you love will perish.

That is the truth.

Jennifer! Jennifer! I need you!

Now, you get down, you.

Ee, Gods!

What have you sent us?

I thought we might need

an orphan to tend the house

while I'm the Dragonslayer.

Where's Moobin?

Moobin?

This boy... I told him

to get tea and gin and biscuits.

And that's what she got.

All mixed up together in a tea cup!

The last of the biscuits!

Nearly the end of the gin!

I tried it. Now I'm all spinny.

Tiger, you shouldn't be drinking gin.

It might be the biscuits.

Now... who wants to fight

or dance?

Well! This creature is a crisis

in human form!

I don't care

if you are the Dragonslayer

I want a better service than this

otherwise I'm sending both of you

back to the orphanage!

Yes, it's a sword, but it's

also a nail file and a mascara!

Magic is being very strange.

I'll put Tiger Prawns to bed.

See if you can find a pillow for him.

He's going to have a cracking head

in the morning.

And he'll deserve it!

It's been a very, very long day.

Oh...

I spent a serious amount

of my boyhood

trying to turn this into

a self-replenishing biscuit tin.

And now,

with magic on the rise again

I thought why not dust off the dream?

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