The Last Dragonslayer Page #5

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Roll up for your t-shirts,

tankards and pencils.

I have t-shirts in large, extra large

and extra, extra, extra large...

not that you need it, madam.

Feel free to come

and touch my goods...

This bottle is human-made.

But this belongs to a dragon.

Jen! Ah, ah, ah!

The Slayerette!

- Not now!

I have to check something.

- Ah, ah, Dragonslayer!

Dragonslayer, ha-ha!

No, but... you are actually under arrest

for failing to pay council tax.

Babes, I know!

But the royal accountants say that the rates

on this building have never been paid

and as the Official Slayer,

you are on the line for that debt.

You owe 2,000 gold pieces.

Let me go!

- Babes, babes. Come on.

You get this isn't me, right?

I'm more of a fizzy wine

and sunsets kinda guy.

These guys are going to torture you

and I hate that.

Just make me your Official Assistant

and all this goes away.

Excuse me? Sir Grifflon?

Erm... We do have the money.

We just need to collect it.

Erm... Sword handling is a perk

of being the Official Assistant.

- I'm told it's a coveted role.

- Yes.

Right.

Thank you, Gordon.

Let's get our... very many gold pieces.

You won't find fresher in StuffCo!

Sir Grifflon!

Oh my God, we love you so much!

Whoa!

- Thank you! Thank you!

Oi, Slayer.

Trying to not kill that dragon?

Ain't right.

You sorting her out, Sir G?

- Oh, everything's peachy, ladies.

Alright, look,

into the Wonderbarn, please.

Ah... fans!

I love them.

They're all real people to me,

you know?

Get lost!

The girl did have a point, though.

You are, you are a born Dragonslayer,

Jennifer, not a dragon-hugger. Ha-ha!

Why not drop this ridiculous Charade

about having 2,000 gold pieces

ditch the geek and slay the dragon

with a proper, hotter Assistant, like me.

Or not! That's also fine.

Dragon chili chutney!

Oh, they're expecting us!

And fresh in today

our new range of Jennifer Strange

Dragonslayer merchandise.

Exlusive to StuffCo...

Why is my face...?

Trust me on this.

I'll explain later.

Oh, Mrs President, hello!

Hello, Gordon.

Here at StuffCo,

we are big fans, Jennifer.

There's just so most exciting brand synergy

with you and Fizzipop.

I mean, I ask you,

what drink could cool you down

after a dragon had blown fire

into your face?

Um, Fizzipop?

Exactly! In a can

or in a takeaway tankard!

Pop this t-shirt on.

No, no, no. She's fine, she's fine.

- Get off!

If you have a better way

to raise 2,000 gold, then speak up.

Merchant! Where is the King's gold?

Er - bring the knight his money!

Money! Money!

We have some incredible -

yes, incredible - things

for you here at StuffCo today.

One for two

on all Dragonslayer fizzy pop...

Yes, that's one for two...

I trust everything is

to your satisfaction, Sir G?

Jennifer, we need

worldwide rights for a year

two guest appearances

at Fizzipop events

and the t-shirt does need to stay on

until the end of Slay Day.

Agreed?

Always a pleasure, Gordon.

Now, time to do some filming!

Tim, you ready?

I'd like you to start from here.

The image we're looking for, Jennifer

is you sheltering from the flames

behind your shield

enjoying a nice cool can

of hawthorn-flavoured Fizzipop.

I'm being attacked by a dragon,

but I'm pausing to enjoy a soft drink?

Yeah, not "enjoying"

so much as "relishing".

Oh, relishing is very good.

Really savour those bubbles,

Miss Strange.

And the line, Miss Strange,

is written on the inside of your shield.

Slaying a dragon?

First I'll drain my flagon.

A flagon of Fizzipop!

Sold! Somebody get me a can!

Sorry, was...

was just tying off the paperwork.

Hey, on the upside, you're not being

tortured in King Snodd's jail.

You seemed friendly

with the StuffCo lady.

Before I took this job with you,

I was an indentured orphan there.

Oh no, it's no biggie.

No, it feels like

half the kingdom works with them.

Look, the StuffCo President's

a good woman.

She looked after me

when she could have just treated me

like any other orphan.

It might sound... slushy to say it

but she was like a mother to me.

We're lucky, you know.

To have been indentured servants

for people who were kind to us.

Zambini treated me like...

Well...

- on.

He loved you.

Tomorrow I'm going to fail him.

- No, you won't.

I've tried to find him.

I've tried everything.

Something about this situation is off,

I can feel it in my gut

but I can't see what to do,

I can't see what the right thing...

Jennifer!

Jennifer..

Tomorrow, just stay away

from the Dragonlands.

If your instinct is not to kill the dragon,

then go with that.

If you think that'd make Zambini proud,

then ignore the pressure.

Refuse to go.

They can't make you.

I believe in you.

Oh... Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have...

- I'd better go home.

Say my goodbyes

before the King cuts my head off.

Yeah.

Well, look, I'll be at Dragonslayer HQ

if you need me.

Just fending off bad guys.

Thanks.

I mean...

Just thanks.

- Oh!

Erm, yeah, I...

What the hell is this?

I don't want money!

I want a bigger kingdom

and for that,

I'll need a dead dragon!

I know, it was a serious surprise

when they paid up.

None of us saw that one boomeranging back

in our faces, did we'?

Stocks.

- Socks!

The King requires socks!

Bring him the most comfortable socks

ever knitted!

Stocks!

- What?

For you, Sir Grifflon!

I'm gonna throw coins in your face

until I feel better!

Sire! I do actually have - get off!

I do actually have a Plan D

if you just let me lay it out...

Right in the face!

- Hmm!

He was fixing this.

What is it?

Something he made for my birthday.

I found something Zambini never had -

a piece of a real dragon.

Tiger, the Dragonlands

aren't just closed to humans.

The dragons can't leave.

It's their prison.

But if the dragons can't violate the Pact

what's the point in having

a Dragonslayer to oversee it?

Why would the dragons

help Shandar build their own prison?

We're missing something

something Shandar must have known

about the dragons...

a secret.

I thought there'd be something in here.

Something that would save him.

It's Slay Day, everybody!

We're counting down until midday

at which time the prophecy says

Jennifer Strange

the Official Fizzipop Dragonslayer

will finally get her slay going on!

Who's going to grab that dragon treasure?

Who's going to claim some land?

Magic's gone insane.

I think the world's ending.

Can I get you some tea?

Oh, great.

It's Slay Day.

Either the crowd will lynch me

or the King will arrest me.

If they put you in the dungeons

can I repaint your room?

I'd like to paint it sunflower yellow.

Oh my Gods. Tiger! Stay still!

- Huh?

Shandar's company is StuffCo.

You mean, the people

who are sponsoring you?

The company that Gordon

was an indentured orphan at.

The company that Zambini visited

the day he disappeared.

Oh gods!

Gordon?

Gordon, are you in here?

Gordon, we need to discuss

your connection to StuffCo.

Can you come out here, please?

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