The Last House on the Left Page #4

Listen.

-What?

-l hear something.

All l hear is you, you damn fool.

Who the hell do you think you are? Tonto?

lt's a truck.

And some chickens, too.

Chickens?

l only tell you what the road tells me.

Listen, Ada, we've got a problem here.

This is serious business.

We've got to get to

the Collingwood place right away.

This is police business,

and this is an emergency, you hear?

-Can you help us out?

-Have to ride on the roof.

-On the roof?

-lt's the only place l have any room.

Fasten your seatbelts!

Proceed. Now listen, Harry...

...if you tell any of the boys at the lodge

about this, l'm gonna fix your wagon.

God damn.

-What in thunder's goin' on here, Ada?

-lt's got its maximum load.

l couldn't get another chicken on here

without it stalling.

And now l've got you two on here,

and you two ain't chickens!

This truck won't start with us on it?

-You said it!

-Listen.

You're gonna have to take some

chickens off that truck and let us on.

-How much do you weigh, Deputy?

-185. Why?

-How much you weigh, Sheriff?

-About 180.

Bullshit.

Maybe 190.

l don't weigh myself every morning.

That's 11 crates of chickens.

And that ain't hay.

Now look.

You know l'm a solemnly sworn officer

of the law? l got the law on my side.

And l got the chickens and the truck!

Water!

You found water, chief.

-Still got some in your eye.

-You get it.

How's that?

Did l get everything?

-Am l clean?

-Help me out of here.

-Am l clean?

-Yeah.

Atta girl!

-Have a look, Sadie. ls my tie okay?

-Beautiful, baby!

-Gee, thanks!

-You're welcome.

-John!

-l'm in here!

We've got guests.

-l'm sorry.

-Guests! Who is it?

Get your foot off the table!

Being in this house

makes me wish l was a lady.

This place is in the middle of nowhere,

you know that?

-What are you doing with the Holy Bible?

-''Dearly beloved, we are gathered here....''

-Weasel. What are you doing?

-Nothing.

Who in the world is it?

l didn't know anyone was coming over.

John, l want you to meet Harvey Wilson

and his wife, Dorothy.

-How are you?

-Sam Hardy.

-And Dave Rizalski.

-David.

Do you know their car broke down

right out front?

-Anything serious?

-l'm afraid we blew a rod.

-Oh no.

-Willie's Esso station is the only garage...

...l know, and they close at 6:00.

lt wouldn't make any difference.

The phone is still dead.

They wanted a ride to a motel, but l said...

-...that would be up to you--

-Mari still has the car.

lt's okay, we've got plenty of room.

Why, we have a perfectly good guest room.

And there's Mari's room, l suppose.

Are you sure

we're not a bother to you folks?

Nonsense! Our home is yours.

Let me get your bags.

No! Jun-- Frank, here, is...

...younger. He can handle it.

Why don't l show you to your rooms?

Come on.

Here, and through there. Okay?

l'll put some towels in the bathroom

for you, and you can wash up if you like.

-Bacon and eggs in the morning?

-Thank you. Marvelous.

Well, we'll be in the living room,

and you can join us if you like.

-Just make yourselves comfortable.

-Much obliged.

Come on!

Very nice.

The lady of the house is nice, too.

-Krug. l want my fix, man.

-Go jump!

-Krug?

-Yeah?

Look at this.

What?

Guess who lives here?

l wonder what the odds are on that.

Feel like playing ''Three-Thirds of a Ghost''

or something?

How would you like me to put

my boot up your ass sideways?

l'm sorry l don't have anything better

to offer you, but....

-lt's been such a confusing day.

-Hell, you've got a lot to offer.

This food is impeccable.

Are you folks on vacation?

-No. We're sort of on a business trip.

-What sort of business are you in?

-Plumbing.

-lnsurance.

Well, which is it?

You see, we're actually in both.

We sell insurance to plumbing companies.

You know, in case they steal

some toilets or something.

Junior....

Stop it!

WillowI

You're gonna kill someone.

Willow....

l'm sorry.

You don't mind if l smoke, do you?

l'm sorry!

Shut up, you little creep!

l should've killed you at the lake!

Shut up!

You're worse than your goddamn mother!

You see, Dave upstairs, he lost

one of our biggest accounts last week.

lnternational Bathtub and Sink.

$500,000 account,

down the drain, so to speak.

He kind of takes all the blame on himself.

Hasn't got over it yet.

Any more spaghetti left?

Goddamn high-class, tight-ass freakos.

All that goddamn silverware.

Who do they think they are, anyway?

People in China eating with sticks...

...and these creeps got 16 utensils

for every pea on the plate.

Take it easy.

lt don't make no matter,

one way or the other.

Where's that goddamn son of mine?

He's taking a piss, or something.

Did you get him his fix?

Screw him.

ls there anything l can do in there?

-Are you all right?

-Yeah.

l'm fine.

Let me call my husband. He's a doctor.

No, lady, please!

l'm all right.

Easy does it. You okay?

Nuts!

-What the hell you been doing?

-Nothing.

Look, man! l've got to have a fix!

After breakfast.

-Krug.

-Yeah?

l want my fix, man.

Look, man! Cut it out!

-l've got to have a fix!

-Screw off.

Krug, we gotta get out of here!

-lf they find out we killed their kid--

-You shut up!

Or you'll wind up in the lake with her.

-God, John.

-Jesus Christ!

lsn't there anything we can do for her?

Nothing.

She's dead.

My baby!

Baby.

Don't move. Open your mouth, please.

Don't move.

Open your mouth, please.

-Light.

-Light.

-Chisel.

-Don't move. Chisel.

Hammer.

Hammer.

Wider now.

Wider.

Don't move.

No good.

Hello.

What are you doing up so late?

l thought l heard noises.

But it was just a dog

in the garbage can outside.

l got a little hungry.

Thought l might raid the icebox.

l must say, you....

You do look like a man

with a huge appetite.

All that spaghetti tonight and everything.

That's true.

Where's your husband?

l couldn't help noticing

that your room was empty.

He's there.

He somehow finds me too hard to....

-Well, he's afraid of me.

-You're kidding.

l only wish l was.

l could make love to a looker like you

with my hands tied behind my back.

Let's go over to the couch.

No!

John might hear us and come in.

-Why don't we go outside?

-Outside?

Please.

l want you.

Let's go outside.

l've always dreamed of a man

who could take me easily.

Almost like you said...

...with your hands tied behind your back.

Baby, believe me, l can literally do that.

l'm so super.

Goddamn it.

Here.

Tie me up.

l couldn't!

l thought it was just some girlish fantasy.

l know no man could do that.

l said, tie me up.

Well....

Now you just unzip me,

and that's all l'll need you for.

Okay.

You got it caught.

On your little thing! How did l do that?

Shall l just give it a little yank?

Don't do that! Just ease it down.

Nice and easy.

That's it.

Poor little fellow.

lt's not little.

You just scared it, that's all. Just wait.

lf you don't watch it, l'm gonna come.

Please come then, sweetie.

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