The Last Kiss Page #3

"because hormonal changes

can make upsets and worries

"seem larger than they are."

Tell me about it.

No, that's my nut.

"In isolation, one's anxieties

become disproportionate.

"Talking things out with your partner

"is a way of exorcising fears

on both sides

"or at least not allowing them

to become overwhelming."

Did you get that?

It says you can't hold everything inside.

Yeah. So what about you?

-What?

-What are you holding inside

you feel like you want to let out?

What?

-What? You asked!

-Oh, my God!

-I've been holding that in all day!

-You're disgusting! Michael!

I don't want your farts on me.

Come on, turn the TV off. I'm serious.

I want to know what you're feeling.

I'm feeling that...

What I'm feeling, me,

is that, in general...

Wow. You are an enormous loser,

you know that?

Well, you're in love with a loser,

and only a loser could love a loser.

-Are you nine?

-Ten.

Okay, fine. I'll go.

I feel like we should buy a house.

You got to be f***ing kidding me.

I'll get it!

-Hi.

-Hi.

What are you doing here?

Kenny's coming with me

to South America.

You're really serious about that?

Hell, yes.

-I should go with you.

-Yeah, right.

Lisa's driving me out of

my f***ing mind. I can't take it anymore.

-Where's Kenny?

-He's...

You just got another promotion

and my parents can help

with the down payment.

I just don't think it's such a good idea.

Why? Their parents did it for them.

And you know,

a monthly mortgage payment

probably isn't that much more

than we're spending on rent.

It's not really about the money, Jenna.

Then what is it?

I wouldn't dare mention the M-word

because I know how any conversation

about that totally freaks you out.

I told you I'd marry you

when you could name three couples

you know personally that have lasted

more than five years.

Yeah, and I still only have my parents

and that cute couple from the pond.

-Ducks don't count.

-They mate for life, come on.

What is it, baby?

What are you afraid of?

I don't know. It just seems so, like,

final.

Final.

Wow. We're about to

become a family, Michael.

I know. I didn't mean it like that.

If you aren't up for this, tell me now,

-because otherwise, what are we doing?

-I am! I'm excited!

No one forced you into this.

You had the chance to tell me

in the beginning!

Will you calm down?

Your hormones are freaking out.

Oh, my God!

Don't blame this on my hormones.

You couldn't get more obvious.

I'm saying what your magazine said,

and we're doing it.

-Doing what?

-We're talking about how we feel.

-You're right.

-What?

I'm sorry, I couldn't...

I'm all the way over here.

I couldn't hear you very well.

What'd you say?

I said you were right.

Oh, I'm right.

Am I right?

You want to make a home with me,

right?

Yes.

-Because if you don't, that's fine.

-Look at me.

I do.

Good. Because if you didn't,

I'd have to kill you in your sleep.

-And that would just ruin everything.

-Yeah, that would suck.

I love you.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

She just makes

everything impossible, man.

It's like anything I try to do

makes her feel like she's losing control

of the baby.

Yeah.

Hey. What's up?

Nothing at the moment.

Are you going with Izzy?

-Where?

-To South America.

Oh, yeah. No.

What? You just said you were coming.

I know, buddy,

but my life is perfect here.

Why would I leave? Come on.

Hi. I'm Danielle.

See what I mean?

Hi, I'm Chris.

-Hi.

-We met at the wedding.

Yeah, hi. Yeah, we met at the wedding.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I'm going to stop for a second here.

Excuse me,

how is your life here so perfect?

Can you just run that by me?

Because I remember

when you graduated,

you were gonna go save the Africans.

Save the children?

Whatever.

You were gonna go save them.

And now you're tending bar

and you're screwing a different girl

every other night?

What's funny about that

is you're at that bar more than I am.

And secondly, dude, I'm not screwing

a different girl every other night.

I'm just not.

Okay, you're right. It's every night.

-You're an a**hole.

-What? It's better that she knows now.

It's better you know now.

He does what he wants,

I do what I want.

Jesus, do you hear that? She's perfect.

You're perfect. I'm in love with you.

Do you have a sister for him, maybe?

Yeah, I'm very happy for both of you,

but I'm offering you an opportunity here,

and you're gonna miss it,

you're gonna blow it.

Take a risk. Take a chance.

That's what you used to tell me.

When are we gonna get a chance

to do this again?

When we're 50,

on, like, some Norwegian Cruise

with these fat girls in floaties.

I'm telling you,

you're 29 years old, Kenny.

-I'm 28.

-No, you're 29.

Thank you.

Sh*t, I am.

Well, you're gonna be sitting

in that same chair in 20 years

and you're gonna be wondering,

"Why didn't I take this chance with Izzy?

"Why didn't I do something exciting

with my life

"instead of ice-fishing

on Lake Mendota?"

See, what you're not getting, Izzy,

is that I like ice-fishing.

Ice-fishing makes me happy. It does.

And don't come in here

and start editing my life

just 'cause you're not happy with yours.

Don't do it.

No, that's what you're doing.

No, that's what you're doing.

No, I was...

-Wait, where you going?

-I am going to put my blue balls to bed.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

-Night.

-Good night.

-I love you.

-Me, too, you.

So I was just thinking that if we move

the garage from where it currently sits,

there's no reason why this atrium

couldn't be pulled up

the entire height of the building.

So that way, it's the middle of winter,

and all these people get to look out

their window and see trees

and maybe even birds.

-What sorts of birds?

-Shut up, Ryan.

-Like, what species...

-Shut up, Ryan.

-Sorry.

-Dick.

-That's really interesting, Michael.

-Thank you.

I'm just a little concerned about cost.

What do you think, Chris?

I think I'm going to leave my wife.

-So, have you told her yet?

-No, not yet.

I don't know how

I'm going to do that, but...

I just know that I'm tired

of being told how much I suck.

Oh, man.

I thought if I had a kid with her,

it would bring us closer together.

Not make us want to kill each other.

I'm trapped, Mike.

I'm f***ing trapped.

-Hey.

-Hey.

It's so funny, I was...

I was driving by and I remembered

that you said you hang out here.

Drive by here often?

-Thinking of becoming a flautist.

-Nice.

-I hear this is the place.

-Yeah. It's pretty good.

So you weren't coming here to see me?

I had a meeting.

-Do you want a ride? I have a car.

-I live really close.

I'll take you.

-Oh, no. Honestly, it's, like, really close.

-I'll take you. I'll take you. Come on.

Okay.

-Well, it's good to see you.

-It's good to see you, too.

-So, where am I going?

-Straight ahead.

So, what did you do

after I left the wedding?

Just, you know,

hung out with my friends and stuff.

Don't you love weddings?

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