The Last of the Blonde Bombshells Page #3

- Legal tender.

- Is that an offense?

Getting things if you haven't got

any legal tender, that's an offense.

You get to play any music?

There's a bird, comes in once a week.

Teaches what she calls musical therapy.

But I never let on.

You need your secrets in a place like this.

Thanks for the flowers. They're lovely.

Look...

...a petal's fallen off already.

Alas, poor Evelyn.

This is all a ghastly mistake.

Guided tours of the cemeteries of England.

Goodwill missions to the living dead.

O ye of little faith. Come on, look.

Annie.

Two old sinners want to say hello.

Elizabeth!

And you.

You're looking good, Sister.

That's because I am good.

How long has this

goodness been going on?

Since I dumped you, Brother.

You'll find that God is much better value

in the long term.

- Are you looking for salvation?

- No.

- We're trying to get the band together.

- Band?

I'm sorry, I don't play

that kind of music anymore.

It's for my granddaughter.

It's not negotiable, I'm sorry.

I told you, it's a ghastly...

You got any small change?

- Sorry.

- Sorry.

I've had him checked out.

My God, you sound like the FBI.

The man used to run a casino.

He's an undischarged bankrupt

and he's been to prison.

I can do better than that.

She's rounding up her Blonde Bombshells...

...and threatening to play

at Joanna's school dance.

Where would you like to

run away to today?

- It's your turn to choose.

- Hastings, please.

- There's racing at Goodwood.

- I know, but I've chosen Hastings.

Betty the band leader lives at Hastings.

She's expecting you with a friend.

- I'm her ex-husband, for God's sake.

- I know that.

I'm sure she'll be civilized about it.

- This is Betty we're talking about.

- We're going to need a band leader.

That's reasonable, isn't it?

I'm not very good at reasonable.

Well, try harder.

- Nice one, Betty.

- Go, Betty.

Thank you, music lovers.

Now, in response to many requests,

there will be a short period of silence.

Betty.

The one and only.

There'll never be another.

Oh, darling.

You haven't changed a bit.

More than I can say for you.

- Thanks.

- Come, let's have a drink.

And something for my friends.

Vodka and tonic, please.

Glenlivet. Little water, please.

The old gentleman will pay.

You were the star, you know?

You were the youngest, the sweetest...

...and the most talented

of The Blonde Bombshells.

You were also the only virgin.

- You had me to thank for that.

- Really? Should I be grateful?

- You frightened or just cold?

- Both.

Stay close to me, darling.

Mr. Churchill recommends it.

Here.

Actually, I've got the keys

to the boiler house.

It's nice and warm in there.

- Betty, I didn't see you there.

- Elizabeth, sit.

You, here.

The girl is 15 years old.

You try anything with her,

you go to prison.

Also, I will take my garden shears

and personally castrate you.

All right, I can take a hint.

When's her birthday?

I don't know why I ran a band.

Most of the girls were

a bleeding nightmare.

They were always very nice to me.

That's because you were

young and innocent.

All right.

I'll show you something

young and innocent.

If you tell anyone about this, I'll kill you.

You old softy.

I can still get into this, you know,

size 14, short legs.

Who was this little girl?

What became of her?

What's it like, long marriage?

I've only had two little ones.

It's warm and cozy,

like an old pair of shoes.

Or a wet dog.

It's only after the kids leave home,

that you realize...

Well, there are no surprises anymore.

Mind you, a lot of people

don't want surprises.

Do you?

I'm not sure.

I might be developing a taste for them.

Betty's in Hastings.

Anna's in the arms of Jesus.

Joan's dead.

Vera's deranged.

Evelyn's in prison.

Madeleine's missing in action.

Dinah's somewhere in the States

and I've left many messages for Gwen.

So, is there a band or is there not a band?

I need to know what to tell the committee.

Tell them there is no band.

Tell them to hire a magician.

We'll pay off Evelyn's debts

and get her out of the nick.

That'd make four.

What about Annie?

I know these Christians.

If they say no, they mean it.

What about pieces of silver?

That is a totally evil suggestion.

So, please think about it.

Hello? Yes, speaking.

- Gwen?

- Gwen!

It's wonderful to speak to someone

who's sane and alive and not in custody.

Do you know the way to Wolverhampton?

If you can whistle it, I can play it.

Nobody goes

to Wolverhampton out of season.

You need passports, malaria jabs,

sturdy boots, an armed escort.

Don't be silly.

It'll be wonderful to see Gwen.

It'll be horrible.

"On the board again

"Riding for a fall again

"And I'm gonna get my all again

"Taking a chance on love

"I'm feeling fine again

"I'm going to rise and shine again

"I've almost lost my mind again

"Taking a chance on love

"Boy, I'm booked again"

- She's still terrific.

- I know, she was my second wife.

- Sorry?

- Nothing.

"Taking a chance on love

"This game I'm having a crack

"Needs good love from me

"So I'm taking a whack

"At any black cat I see

"On the breeze again

"And though I'd love to please again

"I'm saving your reprieves again

"So ring down the curtain

"It's love for certain

"I'm taking a chance on love

"Taking another chance on love"

Thank you very much.

You don't play anymore?

No, I retired when all the trumpet players...

...came home from the war

wanting their jobs back.

The men. You know what I mean.

Besides, it was hard on the lips, babe.

- I stick to the singing.

- No more triple tonguing?

That ceased to be your business long ago.

- Is it your business now, Elizabeth?

- Absolutely not.

Our purpose is to

get the band together again.

You got a gig?

First of next month.

What is it?

It's my granddaughter's school dance.

A school dance?

I never played school dances

even when I was at school.

- We're starting rehearsals next week.

- Sweetheart.

I have sung for my supper

for half a lifetime...

...and I've done it all without rehearsals.

I turn up at the gig,

I moan about the piano...

...I hand out the parts,

I count the guys in, and I get on with it.

Make it a social call.

- Come and see the girls.

- There'll be a fight.

Well, come and see the fight.

Do yourself a favor, babe.

Get rid of this man.

Why, what's wrong with him?

Please welcome Gwen back to the stage.

Ask him about the roses.

A one, a two, a one, two, three.

All right, stop!

- Terrible. Somebody was out of tune.

- We were all out of tune.

I was in tune.

Yes, but you still can't count to four.

How'd it sound for you?

I can see why the Germans bombed you.

We've got no top line, no bottom line...

...and there's bugger-all in the middle.

- I know we can't have a double bass...

- Why not?

There's one in the picture.

That's Madeleine. She's French.

She left the band and went back to Paris

to join the Resistance.

- That's the last we've heard of her.

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