The Last of the Blonde Bombshells Page #4

- That's sad.

We'll have to manage

without her, I suppose.

That's not good enough.

You were war heroes.

I think you should try harder.

Where are you going?

No.

Thank you, dear.

What are you collecting for?

The poor, the sick, and the dispossessed.

You don't qualify.

Could the poor, the sick

and the dispossessed...

...use 259?

If you take this slip into that betting shop...

...they will give you 259.

- I don't gamble.

- You haven't.

I was the one that gambled

on a double at Newmarket.

The wages of sin.

You have my word.

The races on this occasion were not fixed.

You know I can't take this.

Remember the parable of the talents?

Matthew, chapter 25?

"He that had received the five talents...

"...traded with them and

made with them five more."

And the Lord said, "Well done,

thou good and faithful servant."

Now, that's got to be an even money shot

whichever way you look at it.

If I take this, what do I have to do?

Whatever the good Lord

in his infinite wisdom tells you.

I hope that he would suggest

you multiply your talent...

...and spread its sweetness

across all the earth.

Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Oh, dear.

It's amazing.

The more we rehearse,

the worse we sound.

Well?

The committee meets tonight.

What do I tell them?

Tell them we need a good lead trumpet...

...so at least the punters will guess

what we're trying to play.

I found this old Christmas card from Dinah.

Was there anyone finer?

She married a G.I.

And moved to the States.

"I dumped him and found me

one or two more."

She's been living in Scotland.

Scotland?

I've been phoning her number in New York,

getting some rude answers.

"The last one was rich, and when he died,

he left me this place.

"His hobby was collecting small countries."

The jammy cow!

Do you mind? Language.

So, what do I tell the committee?

Tell them we'll play.

- Are you sure?

- No, but tell them we'll play.

Yes, but have you heard the latest?

She's going to Scotland with him.

I think we should meet the man.

Well, you know me.

I've always had a thing about older men.

That's not a nice word

to use to your sister.

"Don't sit under the apple tree

"With anyone else but me

"Anyone else but me

"Anyone else but me

No, no, no

"Don't sit under the apple tree

"With anyone else but me

"Till I come marching home"

Hey, would you come

and play for the G.I.'s?

I mean, we'd guarantee

a convoy down, of course.

I say it would be an honor to be

of service to Mr. Roosevelt.

Excuse me.

Are you a chap?

Yes, that's why I pee standing up.

Shouldn't you be in the Armed Forces?

Absolutely not.

I've taken advice.

Dressed like this,

I'd be far too easy a target.

You just bought yourself

a one-way ticket to Shitsville, pal.

Where are you taking him?

- Elizabeth!

- Patrick?

Please, you can't! Patrick!

- That lad ought to be ashamed of himself.

- Look! What's he supposed to...

Elizabeth, you play beautifully, sensually!

Can anybody play the drums?

I've picked up the odd hint...

...that you're unhappy about

my friendship with Patrick.

So, here he is.

And he's very happy to explain himself.

I think it isn't the friendship as such.

It's just too soon.

Too soon after your father's death.

At a time when I'm still

emotionally vulnerable.

Well, yes.

That being so,

Elizabeth should not be consorting...

...with an aging Lothario.

Even though he sends me flowers

two or three times a week.

My concern is about you making

terrible fools of yourselves...

...and of us at the school dance.

Patrick will answer all the charges.

- May I offer the case for the defense?

- Please. We're here to listen.

Thank you.

Well, I'll start with the easy bit.

It's true that in the beginning,

I wore a pretty frock.

And I played Run Rabbit Run

when I was one of those rabbits...

...and I was running.

And later on, after I donned the khaki,

I did win some medals.

You won medals?

Can we see them?

I always carry this one

as a good luck charm.

I was carrying it the day I met your

grandmother again after all these years.

- Is it a good one?

- Yes, it is.

It's a Military Cross.

Seriously brilliant.

But it's all irrelevant.

What you have to understand

is that for six years...

...we all lived with the possibility

that every second...

...we could be killed.

And that focuses the mind.

It's frightening, yes, but it's also liberating.

The ultimate gamble,

the biggest crap game ever invented.

And your mother and l...

We feel guilty.

Do we?

How many died? 20, 30 million?

And yet for some of us who survived...

...it was totally wonderful.

- Totally wonderful, true or false?

- True.

And we can't say it out loud

except to other Blonde Bombshells.

Playing at the dance,

well, that's our little attempt to have...

...one last gamble before we shuffle off...

...to the great Metropole

Ballroom in the sky.

That was very impressive.

When did you win the Military Cross?

I forget exactly, 1963-4.

Which war?

Actually, I won it at poker

from an old war hero...

...down on his luck.

- That's despicable.

- I was desperate.

I want your family to like me.

What the hell is that?

This belongs to Sid.

Who's Sid, another weird lodger?

He used to be my partner in the casino

until he decided to go straight.

Now, he sells used cars.

I told him, "Sid...

"...I need to borrow a really special motor...

"...to take a really special someone

to Scotland."

You can thank Sid,

but I'm not coming with you.

What?

I got my credit card statement

this morning.

- So?

- Those flowers you've sent me...

...you've been charging

to my bloody credit card.

Obviously.

I'm not allowed one.

I only spent the money on you.

- How did you get the number?

- I used my initiative.

You looked in my handbag.

- You make it sound horrible.

- It is horrible. You're pathetic.

All right, I apologize.

I'm devastated,

I should've asked permission.

Shut your face, go to Scotland,

and come back with a trumpet player.

It won't be the same without you.

Go to the dogs. Go to Wolverhampton.

Go to hell! I don't care!

Such a pity, you know.

Sleeping beauties generally

weigh in at 100 years.

And the usual arrangement

is for the frog to turn into the prince...

...not the other way around.

Bloody door.

"For you take the high road

And I'll take the low road

"And I'll be in Scotland afore ye

"But me and my true love

Will never meet again

"On the bonny banks of Loch Lomond

"By yon bonny banks

"And by yon bonny braes

"Where the sun shines bright

"On Loch Lomond

"Where me and my true love

"Will never meet again

"On the bonny, bonny banks

of Loch Lomond

"Oh, you take the high road

And I'll take the low road

"And I'll be in Scotland before ye

"But me and my true love

Will never meet again

"On the bonny, bonny banks

of Loch Lomond

"O you take the high road

"And I'll take the low road

"And I'll be in Scotland afore ye

"But me and my true love

Will never meet again

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