The Last Time

Look, I'll be in and out of there | before you know it.

In fact, I'll bring you some lunch.

- We can talk over a sandwich if you like. | - Of course, I can send you a brochure.

Why don't our aides | follow-up again in about

10 business days.

Allow me to send you a CD-ROM | outlining our entire production plan.

One thing I can promise you | is that at our first meeting

I will not be trying to sell you | a single solitary thing.

I just want to get to know you | and your company.

We did this last year, but the upgrades on | all the parts is the only way to guarantee...

If I knew where Westchester, New York was,

I'd be in the city in 20 minutes | to show you our new product.

I know it's a big investment.

That's why I spent a great deal of time | customizing this plan for you.

Don't make me come show you | how to do your f***ing job.

The Saint Paul office is really struggling.

Same with Phoenix and Tulsa.

John is really starting to worry.

Hi, Jaime.

...process analysis, sample filtration... | Yeah, the vacuum inlet-outlet.

I'll get back to you on that, sir.

I think it's 22 BLI, but... Hello? Hello?

Yes, I will take care of everything | from implementation to training.

It's my pleasure, please.

Look, I've talked to my manager. | That's my best offer.

No, wait, wait, wait. I can do better.

Larry, wife three on line two.

Sh*t!

Guardia can't touch that price.

How? Because it is my job | to have that information. Oh, really?

You know what? F*** you. | I don't need your f***ing business.

F*** you, you f***ing f***!

- Morning, Ted. | - Hey.

He'll be with you in a moment.

Oh, hey. Ted.

Thanks for coming in.

- How's it going with Jaime? | - He's an idiot.

I wanted you to be the first one | to see the DLX 179.

Six years in the pipeline. | The R&D guys finally did it.

It's like I always say.

Success is the sum of small efforts | repeated day in and day out.

Do you realize how much money | we're gonna make selling this thing?

In the first six months, | I bet we make like...

Hey, hold on. Hold on! Hold on! | Hold, hold, hold, hold.

All right! All right! The truth is | I want to talk about the upcoming quarter.

I know. I know. I'm a big pain in the ass,

but the fact is as your sales go, | so goes the whole team's.

- Do you remember Fisher? From Cincinnati? | - Yeah, he's a prick.

Yeah, well, he was also | a topnotch salesman,

and then he starts hitting the bottle,

and before you know it, the whole | Midwest division sales go down with him.

I'm telling you, if we don't | meet this quarter's projections,

it's going to be sayonara | for old John boy here.

No ifs, ands, or buts.

Well, you better learn to sell shoes | or suck cock real f***ing fast.

I'm really excited to be in New York.

It's always been a dream of mine.

New York, New York. It's a heck of a town.

My mom loved that song.

So John tells me that you are | the number one salesman in the division,

maybe the whole company.

You know, I was the number one salesman | in my old job. Yep.

Wow.

So, what do you say, | since we're both reigning champs,

that we have a little friendly | sales competition this quarter

for say dinner at Le Bernardin's?

I'll take that as a yes.

How about if I sweeten the pot a little bit?

Put this baby in, huh?

I sold more than my entire division | put together to earn this baby.

This trophy makes me so happy.

- Nobody's happy. | - I'm happy.

No, you're not. You're miserable.

- You don't even know me. | - Trust me. Your life sucks.

No, no, my life is actually pretty good.

What's so great about your f***ing life?

I've got a new job. I've got a new house. | I'm getting married soon.

I've finally started taking art classes.

- Yeah, listen, Jimmy. | - Jaime.

Yeah, like it f***ing matters.

Everything you see, | everything you feel, is nothing.

This job, this car, that polyester | bargain-basement suit you're wearing

is totally meaningless.

As far as beating me is concerned,

what you should worry about is getting | one sale, 'cause if you don't,

'cause if you f***ing don't, they're | gonna ship your sorry ass back to...

Where the f*** are you from again?

- I'm from Solon, Ohio. | - Really?

- Yeah. It's a pretty cool place. | - Yeah.

Pretty cool place? Really? | Then why the f*** did you leave,

you sorry son of a b*tch?

It was working great this morning.

I even laid in all the schematics | digitally for simplicity, right, Ted?

Right. Well.

What you would be seeing | if this thing was, you know, working...

Wait. There it is. That's | good. Okay. Good. All right...

All right. Just forget it. Look, we'll...

I'm sure it's a great product and everything,

but to be perfectly honest, | Guardia is gonna be in here later on today

and their CEO, Ronnie Leguzza,

he and I are old poker buddies, | so we're probably gonna go with them.

I see. Well, this was my first sales call | so maybe next time I could probably...

Try again when that new DLX technology | I've been hearing about is available.

DLX? Yeah, sure.

Hey, Barney! Give me a second, okay?

- Yeah. | - Okay. Okay. Thanks.

- Hey, who's Leguzza? | - Shut the f*** up.

Who the f*** is...

You know, when we first got into this, | it was just us and the Japanese.

- Is that right? | - Yeah.

Then the Swiss got in, then the Germans, | then the goddamn French.

- I hate those goddamn French. | - Yeah.

But we still manage to move 40,000 units | out of this factory alone, every month.

- Is that right? | - Yeah.

Man. Barney, honestly, | I have to tell you something.

I'd heard all the talk about this place, | you know, blah, blah, blah and everything.

This is everything everybody said it was.

- It's fantastic. Really. | - Thank you, Ted. Thank you.

Really. It's great.

- Wow! | - Yeah.

- Hey, I have a question for you, Barney. | - Yep.

Do I have "a**hole" written on my forehead?

- Excuse me? | - Listen, fat man.

I didn't want to embarrass you in front | of your flunkies, but I'll tell you this.

Next quarter, I'll be standing here | with your replacement

while you're off somewhere | selling soap to blue-haired f***ing ladies

who don't have a pot to piss in.

What the hell are you talking about?

Every f***ing thing you doled out to us | in there is bullshit and you know it.

Things have been a little slow lately, | but they're turning around.

The only thing turning is my stomach.

What the f*** | am I even doing here with you?

I'll tell you another thing.

There are at least 50 other companies | out there we can be servicing

who won't be wasting our f***ing time.

Ted! Can I talk to you for just a second?

Hey, man. How you doing?

Got the week off to a right start?

Yeah.

Hey, Ma. How you doing?

Yeah?

Yeah?

What do you think?

I know. I knew you'd like it.

Well. Come on. That's okay. It's okay.

'Cause I can afford it, that's why. Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, did you go to the doctor?

What did he say about your hip?

Mom, listen to me.

No.

'Cause it's important, that's why.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes