The Late Bloomer Page #2

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shut the f*** up.

Hey, sorry, babe.

Sorry, game's been crazy.

That's okay. You said you

weren't gonna work tonight.

I know, but remember, it's a big game. I

was supposed to be there, but I'm not.

I'm here and I'm glad

to be here. Look at this.

Phone? Going on mute.

- Huh? You like that? Yeah?

- Wow.

Ooh, fancy cookin',

good lookin'.

What is that?

What you got going on there?

- Well, try it.

- Yeah?

What the hell's that?

My other phone. I forgot

to turn off my other phone.

Babe, I'm so sorry,

I have to take this.

- It's okay.

- Two seconds, I swear, okay?

I promise, two seconds.

Connelly.

Shut up and tell me!

- It's really good.

- Thanks.

Another chapter:

Can there be romantic love...

Without sex?

Brenda, the boy's here.

- Hey, dad.

- Hey, pal.

Hey!

Namaste. My beautiful boy!

- I made your favorite brownies.

- Mm...

Okay, tell me, did you do

any sexual healing today?

Do we have to constantly

celebrate what the boy does?

Hey, hon, I just

asked him about work.

Excuse me for being proud

of our son.

Yep, he suppresses

people's natural desires.

- Strike up the band.

- Did I tell you this?

Carmen was complaining the other

day about her husband's needs,

and then I gave her a copy

of the book.

Turns out, he totally is

rechanneling his sexual energy,

putting it into his gardening.

She brought a squash here

the other night,

- that zucchini that was huge.

- I get the connection.

Anyway, do you want

to stay for dinner, hon?

I can't, I have plans.

Plans? Like a woman plans?

It's not like that, mom.

I worry about you

that you work so much,

you never have time

for a girlfriend.

Alright, that's my cue.

I gotta go.

- Good to see you, dad. See you.

- See you, pal.

- Bye. Thank you.

- You're welcome.

Why do you have

to be so negative?

Pete's very successful. Why don't

you just accept him for who he is?

I don't know who he is. He's not the

man I tried to raise him to be.

Well, okay. Maybe he's

not sporty like you are.

You know, he's light and sweet

and spiritual and cute,

and what better son

could you ask for?

How about the kind I could make

some sense of to begin with?

You know? I mean, who writes books about

sex and has never had a girlfriend?

And if he's gay, okay, great.

Our son is gay, yippee.

But this is...

I mean, he's... he's...

I don't know what he is.

What'd you wanna

see me about, boss?

You're a superstar.

- I just got the call.

- What? What is it?

Oh, I can't stand it.

You're doing a Ned talk!

How? How did that...

How did that...?

Wh-what... what...? How...?

Did they just call, or...

They don't just call anybody!

I submitted you,

you nutty genius.

You and your marvelous book.

I would've told you earlier, but I

was afraid they would reject you.

And there was a very

strong possibility of that.

But they didn't.

They accepted us.

- Oh, my god.

- Wow!

This so amazing for me!

And for you!

Your book is gonna reach

millions of people now.

It's gonna be so good

for the clinic.

- That is amazing.

- And that's not all.

- There's more? -Don't freak out, okay?

Promise me.

Someone pretty important...

At m... p...

r wants to interview you.

Noema Willcoxen?

She wants to

interview you about me,

and what we do here.

I'm so excited.

Noema Willcoxen, wow.

How could she say no, huh,

to the new Tony Robbins?

Yeah, that's... that is...

This is happening!

Thank you so much for all

your support, Caroline,

- what you've done for me.

- Well, you know, it wasn't easy.

- I... -There were a

lot of moving parts.

I mean, logistically,

this has been a nightmare.

But I'm so glad

that I made it happen.

So that's it?

- It's just over?

- You gotta be kidding me!

- -Just go!

Un-f***ing-believable.

She won't even

f***ing listen to me.

It's just work, you know?

Women.

You're f***ing lucky

that you date dudes.

- No, I'm not... -I'm actually

dead serious about that.

I don't...

Go away!

Michelle, it's Pete.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Uh, yeah, come on in.

I'm drinking some wine.

- Want a glass?

- Sure.

God, I don't even know

why I'm still crying.

So stupid.

- Is white okay?

- Sounds great.

Okay.

I really mean it.

I gotta be done with this guy.

Whatever the hell

Charlie and I had...

It's not what I want.

I don't really think that love

is supposed to feel like this.

What does it feel like?

Well, you know

what love feels like.

Yes, of course. I mean...

I meant, what does it feel

like when you're with Charlie?

I feel...

alone.

His work and himself,

it always comes first.

It's his entire world.

And, no,

it's not even about that.

I'm just...

I'm tired of being

an afterthought.

- Yeah.

- Let's sit.

Michelle, I've known you

for a few years,

and you're pretty damn amazing.

You're kind, you're funny.

- I'm hilarious.

- You are hilarious.

And you're not too difficult to

look at, if you know what I mean.

And I do think Charlie does

love you, in his own way.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

But if he keeps

making you feel unnecessary?

God, ask me to make a great paella

and I'll blow your f***ing mind,

but treat me like a doormat, and

I'm obviously falling to pieces.

I know what I need now.

- Some more wine?

- No.

I need to become a chef.

I need to transfer

all of this energy

and this sadness into something

that I know that I really want...

And I know that I can do.

That's a f***ing great idea.

- Thank you.

- Of course.

I don't know what

I would do without you.

You'd do the same for me,

wouldn't you? Yeah.

- I'm sorry.

- I...

I'm so... I'm so sorry.

- I'm sorry, but i...

- No, no.

- It's okay. Are you okay?

- No, I... my head is...

I think the wine or something...

But can I call you tomorrow?

- Yeah.

- Okay, thank you. Sorry.

What the hell's wrong with me?

Pete?

- Pete, wake up!

- -Wake-upsies!

- Your friends are here, Pete!

- Wake up!

- Hi, Pete! -Oh, my god, Pete!

It's an emergency!

- What happened?!

- I was talking to him!

- Pete! Hey...

- Hey, buddy, how are you?

What the hell

are you guys doing here?

We have a basketball game

and you're not dressed.

I have a massive...

Headache right now,

so I want you to turn around

and leave my house...

Not gonna happen. Left Jenny

and the kids at home

to play three-on-three

with you guys.

If I go home and haven't played

basketball, she's gonna know,

then it's gonna be considered

non-basketball-related "me time"

and then she's gonna want

non-activity-related "her time,"

and it's gonna upset

the whole ecosystem.

- It's a whole thing, so get up.

- Okay, I will go.

Did you get food?

- Who is it?

- It's Michelle. Hold on.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Um...

Listen, I just... I just

wanted to say... thank you.

Thank you for being

there for me yesterday.

It's Pete, you know...?

- He's right, it's Michelle.

- I figured he wouldn't be lying.

- But what's the vibe? -Well, it's

kinda casual. Like, not very fancy.

So they're not at a fancy

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