The Late Shift Page #2

HERE SHE COMES.

YOU SAID WE'D HAVE

PRIVACY HERE.

I JUST SAW ARNIE KLEINER

IN THE CORNER:

DOWNING A THAI BEER.

OH, MY GOD,

HOWARD STRINGER.

( laughing )

RIGHT. A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU, HELEN.

ROD SAID WE'D JUST TALK

A LITTLE BUSINESS OVER LUNCH.

THIS LOOKS LIKE:

A LITTLE MORE THAN LUNCH.

OH, OF COURSE IT IS.

WE WOULDN'T WANT TO

WASTE YOUR VALUED TIME.

ALL RIGHT. NOW,

WE THINK THE WORLD OF JAY.

WE'VE NOTICED WHAT HE'S BEEN

DOING FILLING IN FOR CARSON,

AND WE THINK HE'S READY

TO BE A STAR, RIGHT NOW.

AND WE HAVE SOMETHING

NO ONE ELSE CAN OFFER HIM.

11:
30 WIDE OPEN.

HOLY SH*T.

A DEAL MEMO ALREADY?

YOU GUYS ARE SERIOUS.

YOU... YOU TAKE THIS,

I DON'T... I DON'T WANT TO HOLD ONTO THIS.

YOU CAN GIVE JAY THE DETAILS

WITHOUT THE PAPER

IF YOU PREFER.

THE SHOW OPENS IN SEPTEMBER.

HE'LL GET $6 MILLION

TO START.

HOW DOES THAT SOUND?

$6 MILLION.

YEAH, ALL RIGHT,

I'M IMPRESSED,

BUT, UH, WE MAY BE

RUSHING THIS A LITTLE BIT.

JAY'S A LOYAL PUPPY.

HE'S GOT A THING

FOR THE TONIGHT SHOW,

LIKE EVERY OTHER COMIC

IN AMERICA.

OF COURSE.

BUT ISN'T HE STILL

THIRD IN THAT LINE,

BEHIND CARSON AND LETTERMAN?

( laughing )

NO, I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.

BUT I WOULD SAY THA WE HAVE SOME REASON

TO FEEL A LITTLE, UH,

IMPATIENT WITH WHERE WE ARE.

AND, UM, I'LL ADMIT I TO YOU, HOWARD, I LOVE THIS OFFER.

I'M SURE YOU DO, HELEN.

( all laughing )

COMPLIMENTS OF MR. KLEINER.

( all chattering )

THIS FEELS LIKE:

THE LATE-NIGHT D.M.Z.

DOES THAT MAKE ME NIXON?

I GUESS I'M KISSINGER.

YEAH, YEAH.

WITH YOU NEGOTIATING, THAT WAR

WOULD'VE GONE NUCLEAR.

AT LEAST IN THIS WAR

WE CONTROL ALL THE WEAPONS.

OH, YEAH. WE HOPE.

HI, BRANDON.

HEY, MORT, HOW YOU DOING?

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

ENJOY THE EVENING.

HEY, WARREN,

WE GOT HOWARD STRINGER

HUMPING LENO'S LEG.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA TELL

THE G.E. GUYS IF WE LOSE HIM?

MY DOG ATE MY:

LATE NIGHT HOST?

I MAY.

I MAY.

HELEN NEEDS A STROKING.

JAY, I HEAR HOWARD STRINGER

WANTS TO TAKE YOU

TO BERMUDA FOR:

A ROMANTIC WEEKEND.

( all laughing )

HELEN.

HI, HOW ARE YOU?

FINE.

JAY, HONEY, IT'S TIME TO GO

GET YOUR MAKEUP ON.

YOUR SPOT STARTS

IN 30 MINUTES.

MANAGER AND NETWORK

NEED TO BE ALONE, I CAN TAKE A HINT.

HEY, UH, BRANDON,

WATCH YOUR WALLET.

( laughing )

HEY, DAVID.

OH, HEY. HEY, JAY,

HOW YOU DOING? HOW YOU DOING?

GOOD.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

LISTEN,

HOW'S N.B.C. TREATIN' YOU?

GOOD, YOU KNOW.

I MEAN, WHO KNOWS?

OK, I GUESS.

HEY, I SAW THAT SHOW

THE OTHER DAY WITH SANDRA BERNHARD.

OH, JESUS.

IT WAS GREAT, COME ON.

YOU DON'T KNOW

WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, IT WAS SO FUNNY.

I KNOW MORTY'S DOWN THERE,

I WANT TO TALK TO MORTY.

HEY, ARE YOU GUYS

GONNA STAY AROUND?

YOU GONNA GO BACK?

UH, NO, WE... WE GOT TO TAKE THE REDEYE BACK.

I HATE THE REDEYE.

LISTEN, YOU KNOW, JAY,

WELL, I'LL HAVE

MORTY CALL YOU,

WE'LL BOOK YOU ON THE SHOW

WHEN YOU'RE NO FILLING IN FOR JOHNNY.

YEAH, WHATEVER. GOOD.

YOU KNOW ME, I'M READY,

AS LONG AS IT'S OK WITH HELEN.

AH, RIGHT, OF COURSE.

WELL, YOU KNOW, WE'LL HAVE

MORTY CALL HELEN, AND DO IT THAT WAY.

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, DAVE.

ALL RIGHT.

OH, LISTEN, JAY,

CALL MORTY, ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, TELL HIM

TO CALL HELEN. ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

I GOT TO TELL YOU,

I GOT A HELL OF:

AN OFFER FROM C.B.S.

I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, JAY WANTS TO STAY

AND TAKE OVER WHEN

CARSON STEPS DOWN,

BUT, BRANDON,

I NEED A COMMITMENT.

HELEN, YOU'RE AS SUBTLE

AS A KNEE TO THE GROIN.

I DIDN'T HEAR THE WORDS

TONIGHT SHOW IN THERE ANYWHERE.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

YOU WANT US TO:

BOUNCE JOHNNY NOW?

YOU WANT TO DEPRIVE HIM

OF REACHING:

HIS 30TH ANNIVERSARY?

JUST LOOKING TO:

PROTECT MY GUY.

LOOK AT HER WORKING BRANDON.

IS SHE SHAMELESS OR WHAT?

DAVID, I DON'T SEE ANY REASON

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T SAY

HELLO TO BRANDON.

OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

NOW'S YOUR CHANCE

TO LET SOMEBODY KNOW YOU WANT THE TONIGHT SHOW.

LET'S WAVE HIM OVER.

WAVE HIM. JESUS.

YOU DON'T WAVE

HEADS OF NETWORKS.

YOU SHOULD WAVE WAITERS

AND HOOKERS AND, UH...

BRANDON.

GOOD LORD,

HOW CAN A TELEVISION SHOW

BE WORTH:

THIS MUCH EMBARRASSMENT?

HEY, DAVID.

HEY, BRANDON,

HOW YOU DOING?

DAVID, I THINK I HEARD THEM

CALL YOUR CATEGORY,

BUT DON'T WORRY,

LITTLEFIELD RAN IN TO ACCEPT FOR YOU.

JOHNNY SENDS HIS REGARDS.

OH, THANK YOU.

TOO BAD HE COULDN'T COME,

THEN I COULD'VE BEEN

PHOTOGRAPHED WITH ALL OUR LATE NIGHT STARS

BEFORE THEY ALL STAR FILING FOR FREE AGENCY.

( all chuckling )

DAVID, I, UH...

I KNOW YOU WAN THE JOB AS MUCH AS JAY.

LISTEN, BRANDON, I'M NO CAMPAIGNING FOR ANYTHING.

I'M NOT... I'M NOT SAYING

YOU ARE.

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT WE HAVEN' FORGOTTEN YOU.

WELL, THAT'S, UH...

THAT'S GOOD TO HEAR. THANKS.

SURE.

I WAS IN... I WAS IN

NEW YORK IN JULY,

AND I STOPPED BY

TO SEE YOU,

BUT LAURIE SAID:

YOU WERE IN REHEARSAL...

YEAH, NO, ACTUALLY, I WAS

LOCKED IN MY OFFICE, SOBBING.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

I'LL TRY NOT TO BE

AN ANTISOCIAL JERK NEXT TIME.

AND, BRANDON, LISTEN,

I... I REALLY DO APPRECIATE IT.

SURE, DAVE, GOOD LUCK.

SEE YOU.

OH, I FEEL LIKE A DADDY

WHO'S JUST GOTTEN ALL HIS CHILDREN TO BED.

( Helen )

BRANDON, YOU SH*T.

( phone ringing )

WE HAVE TO TALK.

HELEN, I'M RUNNING THROUGH

A CONTRACT NEGOTIATION

WITH THE GUYS FROM CHEERS...

LISTEN, LISTEN, I'VE HAD I WITH THIS RUNAROUND.

YOU DON'T GET BY WITH

VERBAL ASSURANCES ANYMORE.

SEE, I HAD A VERBAL COMMITMEN FROM BRANDON A YEAR AGO,

NOW HE'S GONE TO PARAMOUNT.

YOU I'M NOT SO FOND OF,

JOHN, NO OFFENSE.

YOU THINK YOU CAN PULL

THE SAME MANIPULATIVE SHI WITH ME YOU TRY ON

EVERYBODY ELSE IN THIS TOWN.

BUT YOU F*** WITH ME

AND I'LL F*** YOU BACK GOOD.

SEE, I DON'T HAVE

A CONTRACT WITH YOU.

I CAN MOVE JAY TO C.B.S.

WITHIN A MONTH.

THAT WOULD LEAVE YOU

WITH CARSON:

AND HIS RETIREMEN HOME AUDIENCE.

SO LET'S CUT THE SH*T,

SHALL WE?

THIS HAS JUST BEEN

A BUSY PERIOD.

COME ON,

THESE THINGS TAKE TIME.

YOU'RE NOT LISTENING,

A**HOLE.

I DON'T WANT TO

HEAR ABOUT TIME, I WANT A PIECE OF PAPER.

I DON'T KNOW WHEN CARSON

IS GONNA GE THE F***ING MESSAGE AND QUIT.

I WANT JAY SIGNED.

HELEN, I HEAR YOU.

BELIEVE ME.

LET ME SEE WHAT I CAN DO.

GIVE ME ONE WEEK?

A WEEK'S 7 DAYS, JOHN.

TRUST ME, I CAN COUNT.

RIGHT.

( car horns honking )

( people chattering )

( man )

TAXI!

JESUS CHRIST.

OH, MAN!

HEY, MORTY.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?

JESUS CHRIST.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

FROM WHAT I CAN TELL,

THERE'S NO SOURCE FOR IT.

MY GOD.

WH-WH-WHAT'S THIS

MEAN NOW, MORTY?

IT MEANS NOTHING.

IT MEANS HELEN:

GOT ON THE PHONE.

I MEAN, THIS HAS TO BE HELEN.

YEAH, BUT WOULD N.B.C.

TREAT JOHNNY THIS WAY?

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED

IF BRANDON HADN' GONE TO PARAMOUNT.

I MEAN, HE HAD SOME CONTROL.

HELEN WOULDN'T PULL THIS SHI WHEN BRANDON WAS THERE.

MAYBE... MAYBE... MAYBE

THIS IS ALL N.B.C., THEIR WAY OF DEALING JAY IN.

NO, DON'T ASSUME

THESE A**HOLES HAVE A PLAN.

IT'S THE NEW YORK POST,

FOR GOD'S SAKE.

WHAT'S THAT MEAN?

IT'S NOT N.B.C.'S STYLE.

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