The Late Shift Page #6

I'M SURE HE'S GONNA

HAVE A GREAT SHOW.

OH, THANKS.

I'M DOING EVERYTHING I CAN

TO MAKE SURE THAT HAPPENS.

I'M SURE YOU ARE. LISTEN.

HELEN, I DID HAVE

ONE OTHER THOUGHT.

WHAT'S JAY GONNA DO

TO THANK JOHNNY?

WE'RE NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING.

I'D LIKE TO HEAR WHY.

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?

OK, UH, THE NEW SHOW

IS GONNA BE:

ENTIRELY DIFFEREN FROM THE OLD SHOW.

WE DON'T WANNA LIKE BEHOLDEN

TO JOHNNY'S OLD AUDIENCE.

GET THAT OUT HERE.

EVERY COMIC KNOWS

YOU SALUTE THE LAST GUY

TO GET MORE:

APPLAUSE FOR YOURSELF.

I MEAN, THAT'S KISS UP STUFF,

JAY DOESN'T DO KISS UP.

I THINK IT'S

A TERRIBLE MISTAKE, HELEN.

I... I... IT BOILS DOWN TO

SIMPLE POLITENESS.

I WOULD REALLY LIKE FOR YOU

TO GO DOWN THERE

AND TELL JAY TO SAY

SOMETHING LIKE,

"I WOULDN'T BE HERE

BUT FOR JOHNNY."

NO, I'M NOT GONNA GO TO JAY

ONE HOUR BEFORE:

A LIVE BROADCAS AND TELL HIM TO

INSERT SOME TRIBUTE

TO JOHNNY CARSON.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

BUT I APPRECIATE

YOUR GOOD WISHES,

AND I'LL TELL JAY

YOU CALLED.

( phone buzzing )

( male announcer )

From the N.B.C. Studios in Burbank,

The Tonight Show,

with Jay Leno.

Featuring Branford Marsalis,

and The Tonight Show band.

Tonight, Jay welcomes

comedian, Billy Crystal.

And musical guest,

Garth Brooks.

And now,

Jay Leno.

( all applauding )

YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.

I GOT OFFICIAL NOTICE

FROM C.A.A.

"ALL FUTURE BUSINESS ACTIVITY

FOR DAVID LETTERMAN

WILL BE HANDLED THROUGH

MICHAEL OVITZ'S OFFICE."

HE HIRED OVITZ?

WHAT, IS HE TRYING

TO GET SPRUNG?

HE'D HAVE TO

HIRE GOD FOR THAT.

WELL, LET'S THINK ABOUT THIS.

DAVE DIDN'T HIRE MIKE OVITZ

TO GET A 5-YEAR DEAL OUT OF US

TO STAY AT 12:
30,

THAT'S NOT A BIG ENOUGH MOVE FOR HIM.

NOW THIS ONLY WORKS

IF HE GETS 11:
30 FOR DAVE.

YOU'RE NOT LISTENING, WARREN.

DAVE CAN BRING:

MACHIAVELLI BACK FROM THE DEAD,

IT STILL DOES NO DO HIM ANY GOOD.

I MADE THIS DEAL.

WE'VE GOT FULL PROTECTION.

WHAT IS HE GONNA DO?

OVITZ, HUH?

PUT HIM ON:

TELEVISION IN VENEZUELA?

COME ON.

THAT'S FUNNY.

( Lee )

THIS LETTERMAN CONTRACT HAS CLAUSES IN I A PRISONER WOULDN'T HAVE.

HOW THE HELL DO WE

GET HIM OUT OF IT?

GIVE ME ALL THE BAD NEWS.

WHATEVER DEAL WE MAKE

THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO MATCH,

AND THEY CAN TAKE A FULL YEAR

TO MATCH WHICH MEANS

THEY COULD KEEP HIM

OFF THE AIR IF THEY WANT.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING

YOU'D HAVE IN A DEAL

FOR A SPORTS ANNOUNCER

ON SOME LOCAL RADIO STATION.

GETS WORSE.

N.B.C. HAS FIRST NEGOTIATING POSITION.

WE CAN'T EVEN TALK A DEAL

WITH ANYONE BUT THEM FOR 18 MONTHS.

NO OFFERS, NOTHING.

OK, SO WE DON'T NEGOTIATE.

WE CAN STILL TALK

TO PEOPLE, RIGHT?

SURE WE CAN TALK,

WHAT THEN?

THEN WE SET UP PITCHES.

WE CAN'T PITCH

LETTERMAN AROUND, MIKE, N.B.C. WOULD CHALLENGE IT.

NO, NO, NO, WE DON'T PITCH

LETTERMAN TO ANYBODY.

THEY PITCH THEMSELVES TO US.

WE REVERSE THE PROCESS.

( Lee )

AND IT'S LEGAL, TOO?

YES.

WE CAN'T STOP SOMEBODY

FROM TALKING TO US.

PARDON ME.

( people chattering )

ROD.

HOWARD.

OH, I BEG YOUR PARDON.

YES, I MADE THE PLANE

IN 14 SECONDS.

I'M GLAD YOU MADE IT.

WE NEED YOU.

ALL THE HEAVYWEIGHTS

ARE COMING.

I HEARD EISNER'S GOING

TO PITCH DISNEY HIMSELF.

REALLY? I WISH THEY'D MADE I CLEARER EARLIER

THAT THIS WAS A TRUE PITCH.

MORTON CALLED ME YESTERDAY

AND TOLD ME THEY'D SEE ME HERE.

THAT'S THE FIRST TIME

I KNEW I HAD TO COME.

ALL I HAD WAS THIS OLD SUIT.

THEN I GET ON THE PLANE

AND REALIZE I HAD NO BLOODY CUFF LINKS.

PAPER CLIPS.

I'M JUST AFRAID

LETTERMAN WILL SEE THEM

AND CONCLUDE LARRY TISCH

IS A BIGGER TIGHTWAD THAN G.E.,

WHICH ISN'T FAR WRONG.

( men chattering )

HI, RON.

UH, GENTLEMEN, I'M SORRY,

WE ARE UNDER A BIT OF A TIME CONSTRAINT,

SO I JUST WANTED TO SAY

THAT WE'RE HERE BECAUSE

WE WANT TO GET ACQUAINTED

WITH HOW YOU DO BUSINESS

AND TO SEE HOW DAVE

MIGHT FIT IN WITH YOUR PLANS.

I WOULD LIKE TO REITERATE

THAT THIS IS NOT A NEGOTIATION.

IT IS, FOR WANT OF

A BETTER WORD, A PROCESS.

SO, HOWARD, WOULD YOU LIKE

TO SPEAK FIRST FOR C.B.S.?

DAVID, I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE,

UH, AN APPRECIATION FOR THE HISTORY AND TRADITION

OF BROADCASTING.

MUCH OF THAT TRADITION

HAS BEEN WRITTEN BY C.B.S.

EVEN IN ENGLAND:

WE KNEW JACK BENNY,

AND LUCY, AND GLEASON.

NOW, DOES DAVID LETTERMAN

FIT THAT TRADITION?

( clapping )

LIKE A GLOVE.

THE POINT IS,

THE C.B.S. OF PRESEN CAN GIVE YOU

WHAT YOU WANT, DAVID.

AFFILIATE STRENGTH,

STRONG MANAGEMENT,

EXCELLENT PROMOTION,

AND, YES, WE HAVE

SPACE AVAILABLE AT 11:30

EVERY WEEKNIGHT.

AND WE'RE A NETWORK.

WE'RE WHAT YOU WANT, DAVE.

WE'RE A HOME.

MICHAEL.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.

YOU HAVE A YOUNG AUDIENCE,

WE'RE THE YOUNG NETWORK.

WE'RE ALSO

THE ONLY ONES CAPABLE

OF OFFERING YOU:

A START TIME OF 11:00 P.M.

THAT WILL GIVE YOU

THE JUMP ON MR. LENO.

HI, ROBERT,

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

THANK YOU SO MUCH

FOR COMING.

A.B.C. HAS ALWAYS

BEEN THE NETWORK FOR THE YOUNG VIEWERS.

WE KNOW HOW TO REACH

THAT AUDIENCE AND DELIVER IT TO YOU.

I'M NOT GOING TO

SAY HERE TODAY:

WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO

ABOUT NIGHTLINE, BUT...

HI, ALAN,

THANK YOU FOR COMING, I APPRECIATE IT.

WE'LL BUILD

THE ENTIRE SYNDICATION OPERATION AT COLUMBIA

AROUND DAVID LETTERMAN

AND LATE NIGHT.

WE EXPECT WE COULD

LAUNCH NATIONALLY

WITH A LINEUP OF STATIONS

AS STRONG AS ANY NETWORK'S.

( David )

UH, WELL, THAT SOUNDS GREAT, BOB.

UH, ALAN...

WHATEVER.

( laughing )

HI, BRANDON.

HOW ARE YOU?

I APPRECIATE IT.

THANK YOU. MORTY.

AT PARAMOUNT,

WE'VE PROVED WITH ARSENIO,

WE ALREADY KNOW HOW TO MAKE

LATE-NIGHT WORK IN SYNDICATION.

I THINK IT'S A PERFECT MATCH.

ARSENIO:

FOLLOWED BY LETTERMAN.

I'd follow the example

of their nominee:

don't inhale.

( sighing )

LISTEN TO THIS OLD FOOL.

ON AND ON. AND ON. AND ON.

( people applauding )

IT'S GETTING CLOSE TO 11:00.

THE LOCAL NEWS:

WILL START LATE.

GET WARREN ON THE PHONE.

WE RESCHEDULE:

OUR F***ING LIVES TO DO A LIVE SHOW

SO JAY CAN FOLLOW UP

THEIR GHASTLY CONVENTION COVERAGE

WITH SOME NEW JOKES.

THEN THEY WON'T LE US ON THE GODDAMN AIR.

MOTHERFUCKERS IN NEWS

F***ING US AGAIN.

WARREN,

THEY'RE LETTING THIS GO ON.

HE'S NOT GOING TO

FINISH BY 11:
00.

I SWEAR TO YOU,

I'M SENDING MY AUDIENCE HOME,

IF YOU DON'T GE THIS OVER ON TIME.

NO, I'M NOT LOSIN' IT.

YOU SAID YOU HAD

THIS UNDER CONTROL.

( people cheering )

LOOK, A PAUSE, RIGHT THERE.

THEY COULD'VE CUT HIM OFF.

GET ME GARTNER IN HOUSTON.

GOD DAMN IT!

IT'S 11:
00 P.M.

IN THE EAST RIGHT NOW.

( man )

MR. GARTNER, PHONE FOR YOU.

HELEN KUSHNICK ON THE LINE.

YEAH, GARTNER HERE.

YOU PROMISED ME:

YOU'D BE OFF BY 11:00, YOU SHITHEAD.

I'M GOING LIVE TONIGH SO WE CAN GET SOME PAY-OFF

FROM YOUR HORSE SHI CONVENTION COVERAGE.

I'M ACCOMMODATING YOU

BY GIVING BROKAW AIRTIME WITH JAY.

YOU GET THIS GASBAG REAGAN

OFF THE AIR NOW,

OR I'M NOT USING

BROKAW TONIGHT.

I DON'T GIVE

A SH*T IF YOU USE BROKAW TONIGH OR ANY OTHER

NIGHT, LADY.

AND LET'S GE SOMETHING STRAIGHT.

I AM THE PRESIDEN OF N.B.C. NEWS.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO

WITH WHAT I DO.

I'M TAKING YOU OFF

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