The Late Shift Page #5

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME

TO DO ABOUT IT?

I PUT A... A PENALTY CLAUSE

IN MY CONTRAC IF THEY DON'T GIVE ME

THE TONIGHT SHOW.

HOW MUCH?

A MILLION DOLLARS.

DAVID, THAT'S TIP MONEY

TO THOSE GUYS.

ALL RIGHT, I'M A PINHEAD,

I DIDN'T KNOW

WHAT I WAS DOING.

COME ON.

NOW WHAT DO I DO?

I JUST WANT THAT SHOW.

I MEAN,

I'M ONLY REALLY HAPPY

THAT ONE HOUR A DAY

WHEN I'M DOING MY SHOW.

DAVID, YOU WILL HAVE A SHOW.

YOU'RE A TELEVISION STAR.

PEOPLE WILL WANNA HIRE YOU.

YEAH, WHO? C.B.S.?

C.B.S. JUST FIRED PAT SAJAK.

PAT SAJAK. THEIR GUMS

ARE STILL BLEEDING.

THEY DON'T WANNA HEAR

THE WORDS LATE NIGHT EVER AGAIN.

A.B.C.?

A.B.C.'S GOT TED KOPPEL ON

AT 11:
30.

HE'S THE GOLD STANDARD.

I'M NICKEL-PLATING.

SO WHAT DOES THAT LEAVE,

SYNDICATION?

HO! HO! WHAT A FEELING,

CAN YOU IMAGINE:

BEING SOLD BY A SYNDICATOR?

"WE GOT, LETTERMAN, OR STUDS.

YOU CAN EITHER HAVE

STUDS OR LETTERMAN."

I'M F***ED, PETE.

LISTEN, DAVID.

DON'T ACCEP WHAT N.B.C. IS DOING TO YOU.

YOU SIMPLY CAN'T.

YOU MUST NO FOLLOW JAY LENO,

BECAUSE YOU'LL HATE YOURSELF

THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

IT WILL MAKE YOU CRAZY.

BUT I'VE ALREADY

LOST THE JOB TO HIM.

WHAT ELSE AM I GONNA DO?

HOW ABOUT GETTING

AN AGENT?

NOW DON'T REJEC THE IDEA OUT OF HAND,

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL

ABOUT AGENTS.

BUT WE NEED SOMEBODY

WITH SOME POWER IN THE BUSINESS.

YEAH, I KNOW,

BUT, JESUS, AN AGENT?

AN AGENT'S WHAT YOU

PULL OFF THE BOTTOM

OF YOUR SHOE:

AFTER A BASEBALL GAME.

THEY'RE JUST GONNA

BOOK ME IN TAHOE

WITH TONY ORLANDO AND DAWN.

LISTEN, DAVID,

I HAVE AN IDEA.

DAVID. PETER. MIKE OVITZ.

PLEASE COME IN, IT'S WONDERFUL

TO HAVE YOU HERE.

PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

DAVID, I DON'T KNOW

IF YOU REMEMBER THIS,

BUT YEARS AGO, WHEN YOU WERE

WITH WILLIAM MORRIS,

AND I WAS STILL:

AN AGENT THERE,

WE ACTUALLY ME VERY BRIEFLY.

UH, JEEZ, I CAN'T BELIEVE

YOU REMEMBER THAT.

WHAT I REMEMBER IS,

YOU WERE THE FUNNIEST GUY

IN THE ROOM.

IN FACT, I... I DON'T THINK

WE GOT MUCH ACCOMPLISHED

THAT DAY.

MICHAEL, MAYBE WE SHOULD

TELL YOU A LITTLE BI ABOUT DAVID'S CIRCUMSTANCES.

PETER,

I KNOW DAVE'S CIRCUMSTANCES.

AND SO I KNOW:

WHY YOU'RE HERE.

DAVE IS A STAR OF

SUCH COMPELLING STATURE

THAT FRANKLY,

IT MAKES ME PERSONALLY ANGRY

HE FINDS HIMSELF

THIS ABUSED.

WE PRIDE:

OURSELVES HERE AT C.A.A.,

IN DEVELOPING:

A CAREER PLAN FOR OUR CLIENTS

THAT PROTECTS THEM

AS MUCH AS IT ENRICHES THEM.

DAVID HAS SE SUCH AN INCREDIBLY HIGH PROFESSIONAL STANDARD,

AND YET HE IS GOING

DISTURBINGLY UNREWARDED.

THAT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

IT'S SIMPLY BAD

BUSINESS PRACTICE.

OBVIOUSLY,

WE HAVE AN INTENSE INTERES IN ESTABLISHING A BUSINESS

RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU, DAVE,

AND WITH YOU, PETER.

FRANKLY, WE HAVE

WORKED OU A CAREER PLAN FOR DAVID

AND IT INCLUDES:

SECURING EVERYTHING

FOR DAVE THAT HE WANTS.

EVERYTHING.

OF COURSE, THAT MEANS

AN 11:
30 TELEVISION SHOW.

DAVE WILL BE OFFERED

AN 11:
30 SHOW

AND HE WILL BE OFFERED I BY EVERY NETWORK.

THE GEOMETRY OF:

THE DEAL WILL BE FAR LARGER.

THE STUDIOS WILL BE IN,

THE SYNDICATORS,

THE FULL RANGE OF

THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY.

WE SHALL FRAME A DEAL

THAT WILL MAKE YOU

ONE OF THE GIANTS.

AND IF YOU GIVE US

THE PRIVILEGE OF

WORKING WITH YOU,

C.A.A. WILL TAKE CARE

OF EVERYTHING:

YOUR TALENTS DESERVE

AND YOUR SPIRIT DESIRES.

( bell tolling )

WATER?

HUH?

( laughing )

OH, MY GOD!

( laughing )

JESUS, THAT WAS LIKE HAVING,

AS IF IT WAS LIKE HAVING

A MEETING WITH THE... THE...

WITH THE GODFATHER.

THE... THE GODFATHER.

( both laughing )

( car phone ringing )

HELLO?

( Helen )

Hi, Warren, good morning.

THERESA TOLD ME:

I'D FIND YOU IN THE CAR.

GOOD MORNING, HELEN,

HOW ARE THINGS?

WELL, I'VE HAD IT WITH

THE CARSON PEOPLE,

TRYING TO GE ANYTHING OUT OF THEM.

THEY WOULDN'T PU JAY ON THE SHOW, THEY WOULDN'T PASS THE BATON.

PASS THE WHAT, HELEN?

PASS THE BATON.

I HAD THIS GREAT IDEA.

I THOUGHT JOHNNY SHOULD SAY

GOODBYE FRIDAY,

LEAVE HIS DESK,

TAKE HIS HAND-HELD MIKE,

walk over to our studio,

HAND IT OVER TO JAY

RIGHT ON THE AIR,

PASS THE BATON.

AND YOU SUGGESTED

THIS TO WHOM?

PETER LASSALLY.

IT WAS LIKE I PEED

ON HIS SHOE.

WELL, YOU KNOW, I THINK

THEY MIGHT WANNA FINISH ON THEIR OWN TERMS, HELEN.

YOU... YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY

OF TIME FOR YOUR IDEAS.

( Helen )

We sure will starting Monday.

NOW, I WANNA TALK ABOU THE AD AGAIN.

YOU KNOW,

WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS, HELEN,

AND... AND WE CAN'T BUY AN AD

FOR JAY IN FRIDAY'S PAPER

BECAUSE WE'VE ALREADY BOUGH A FULL PAGE AD THERE

TO SAY GOODBYE TO JOHNNY.

WHY CAN'T N.B.C.

BUY A FULL PAGE AD

TO WELCOME JAY:

TO FACE JOHNNY'S AD?

BECAUSE, AS I TOLD YOU BEFORE,

THE PAPER'S DOING

IT'S OWN FULL PAGE OF STORIES,

SALUTING JOHNNY ON THE PAGE

OPPOSITE THE AD,

AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO

CROWD THA WITH A "WELCOME JAY" AD.

THAT'S IT,

END OF STORY, HELEN.

NO, IT'S NOT THE END OF STORY.

I'M TELLING YOU,

THAT AD'S GOING IN ON FRIDAY.

IF N.B.C. WON'T BUY

THE F***ING THING,

I'LL PAY FOR IT MYSELF,

BUT THAT AD IS GOING IN.

NO, IT ISN'T, AND IT'S NO GOING TO BE YOUR MONEY

AND YOU'RE NOT DOING I BECAUSE I WILL NOT ALLOW IT.

WE-WE-WE'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT,

WE'VE LISTENED,

AND WE'VE MADE A DECISION,

AND THAT DECISION IS FINAL.

I KNEW I COULD:

EXPECT SH*T LIKE THIS

FROM A DICKLESS WONDER

LIKE YOU.

WELL, F*** YOU, HELEN.

F*** YOU AND THE HORSE

YOU RODE IN ON.

YOU'RE WRONG,

WE'RE NOT GOING TO DO THIS, I WILL NOT ALLOW IT.

YOU CLOSED JAY'S CONTRACT,

DIDN'T YOU?

YOU'RE OUT OF

YOUR F***ING MIND.

BUT I GO THE F***ING SHOW, ANYWAY.

I CAN SEE THAT THIS MAN

IS EMBRACED BY THIS NETWORK...

IT'S YOUR ONLY

NATURAL TALENT, WARREN,

F***ING UP.

ENOUGH, IT'S OVER, DONE.

( phone buzzing )

( laughing )

( people laughing )

( crickets chirping )

( Johnny )

So, this is it.

I am one of the lucky people

in the world

because I got to do something

I've always wanted to do,

and I've enjoyed

every minute of it.

And I can only tell you,

it's been an honor

to come into your homes

and let me entertain you.

And I hope when I do find

something that I want to do,

you will still

invite me into your home

as you always have.

I bid you a very

heartfelt goodbye.

( audience applauding )

( cheering )

( whistling )

( Jay )

IS THIS WHERE YOU WANT ME TO STAND?

I MEAN, I ALWAYS STAND

RIGHT HERE.

WHERE THE F***

IS BILLY CRYSTAL?

AND WHY HASN' HE ARRIVED YET?

STAND UP STRAIGHT,

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

YOU'RE THE HOST OF

THE TONIGHT SHOW.

SO, JAY, UH,

HOW'S IT GOING?

OH, YOU KNOW ME.

YEAH, MR. STRESS.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE READY

TO TAKE A NAP.

MAYBE I WILL.

I WANNA... WANNA

GET IT OVER WITH.

YOU KNOW,

I THINK WE SHOULD LOSE THE SECOND PEROT JOKE.

LISTEN, JAY, DON'T YOU THINK

IT'D BE APPROPRIATE

TO, UH, SAY SOMETHING

NICE ABOUT JOHNNY

EARLY IN THE SHOW, YOU KNOW?

THAT WASN'T MY DECISION.

YEAH, BUT STILL, I MEAN...

BOB WRIGHT? HIM I GUESS

I HAVE TO TALK TO.

( woman )

Go ahead.

HI, BOB. SO NICE OF YOU

TO CHECK IN TODAY.

THANKS, HELEN.

I JUST CALLED TO WISH

JAY WELL TONIGHT.

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