The Late Shift Page #4

WHO'S IT GONNA BE?

WHO GETS THE TONIGHT SHOW?

I'M NOT GONNA ANSWER

ANY QUESTIONS RIGHT NOW.

IS IT LENO OR LETTERMAN?

COME ON, BETTY,

WHO'S THE GUY FOR THE JOB?

STAY TUNED, EVERYBODY.

STAY TUNED. THANKS, BYE.

MR. LENO?

YEAH.

THERE'S A PHONE CALL

FOR YOU, SIR.

I'LL TAKE YOU TO

THE COURTESY PHONE.

ALL RIGHT.

EXCUSE ME,

AREN'T YOU THE DORITOS GUY?

JOHNNY ANNOUNCED

HE WAS QUITTIN' TODAY.

WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING?

I... I WAS JUST WITH HIM.

HE WENT ON LAST,

LONG AFTER YOU'D GONE.

He just dumped it on them.

He said he was doing the show

one more year and then out.

DID THEY MAKE ANY KIND OF

ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT US?

NOTHIN'.

I MEAN, THEY WERE TOO BUSY

TRYING TO PULL UP THEIR PANTS.

BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'LL COME,

THE DEAL IS SET.

WE GOT IT, JAY.

ONE MORE YEAR.

HIS LAST SHOW IS MAY 22,

OUR FIRST IS MAY 25,

MEMORIAL DAY.

GOD, I'M HAVING A HARD TIME

GETTIN' MY BREATH.

I HEAR WHA MY MOTHER ALWAYS SAID:

"BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR,

YOU MIGHT GET IT."

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN,

SO WHAT?

I MEAN,

IT'S STILL A SECRET, RIGHT?

WE CAN'T SAY

ANYTHING ABOUT IT?

We've waited this long.

What difference does

another day or two make?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I GUESS,

THEY PROBABLY WAN TO TELL DAVE FIRST, YOU KNOW.

YOU'RE SUCH

A NICE GUY, JAY LENO.

WORRYIN' ABOU YOUR OLD FRIEND, DAVE?

YOU WANNA KNOW:

THE REAL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND LETTERMAN?

YOU HAD ME. ENOUGH.

NOW GO DO YOUR SHOW IN TAHOE,

HAVE A GOOD TIME.

( sighing )

Yes, Sparky!

( laughing )

( growling )

Oh, yes, good boy.

All right, we're gonna be

right back with a commercial.

Paul, get us out.

( audience applauding )

HEY, PETER, HOW ARE YOU?

GOOD TO SEE YOU. HOW ARE YOU?

IS JOHNNY HERE?

YES, HE'S HERE

AND HE'S READY.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA

TO BELIEVE THIS. WHAT?

JOHNNY ANNOUNCED

HIS RETIREMEN AT THE AFFILIATES MEETING

IN CARNEGIE HALL.

WH-WH-WHAT DO YOU MEAN

HE ANNOUNCES?

WHEN? WHEN'S HE

GONNA RETIRE?

A YEAR FROM NOW.

ONE MORE YEAR:

ON THE AIR HE SAID.

HOLY SH*T.

AND DID N.B.C. MAKE A...

NO. NO.

NO ANNOUNCEMEN FROM N.B.C.

OK, 20 SECONDS.

CAN YOU F***ING

BELIEVE THIS?

ISN'T THIS AMAZING?

( coordinator )

5, 4, 3, 2...

Ed couldn't make it,

I happened to be

in the neighborhood,

So I... I brought you

a little something.

Did you at that?

What's that?

You're the winner of

the million dollar sweepstakes.

( snickering )

MORTY, JOHNNY ASKED ME

TO STAY ON:

UNTIL THE SHOW'S DONE,

AND I TOLD HIM I WOULD.

AFTER THAT, I'M ALL YOURS.

THAT'S GREAT,

BECAUSE WE BOTH WANT YOU.

No, I, uh, I just happened

to be in town

doing something

for the affiliates.

( David )

That's right.

YOU QUIT, JOHNNY,

YOU QUIT... YOU QUIT YOUR JOB.

THAT'S THE BUSINESS

YOU CAME TO...

JESUS CHRIST,

THIS GUY IS SO GOOD.

I CANNOT F***ING

BELIEVE WE HAVEN'T HEARD

FROM AGOGLIA, WRIGHT,

OR LITTLEFIELD.

NONE OF THEM.

MAYBE THEY LOST THE NUMBER.

SO, WE CAN HANDLE

UNPLEASANT DAVE?

OH, IT'S REAL SIMPLE.

FIRST WE SLAP HIM

AND THEN WE KISS UP.

YEAH, WELL, THERE'S ONLY

SO MUCH KISSIN' UP

I'M CAPABLE OF.

I GOT A SIGNED CONTRAC WITH THIS GUY'S NAME ON IT.

F*** HIM

AND HIS BRUISED EGO.

MY ASS IS BRUISED FROM

SITTIN' ON A GODDAMN PLANE.

SO YOU WANT MORTY

TO SIT BEHIND THE DESK?

ALL RIGHT, FINE,

I CAN DO THAT. OK.

IS THIS GONNA WORK, PETER?

HELLO.

HELLO, GENTLEMEN.

DAVE WILL BE WITH YOU

IN JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES.

GREAT, THANKS.

CAN I GET YOU:

SOME COFFEE?

PLEASE, BLACK.

YEAH, I'D LOVE SOME, THANKS.

HAVE A SEAT.

( phone ringing )

OH, GOD, THEY'RE HERE.

THEY LOOK LIKE SUCH WORMS,

I TELL YOU.

( David )

IT'S LITTLEFIELD.

YEAH, AGOGLIA'S WITH HIM.

OH, GREAT, THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THE COFFEE IS FREEZING.

YEAH, YEAH, I CAN DO THIS.

DON'T WORRY.

ALL RIGHT, THANKS, PETER.

MORTY, SIT BEHIND MY DESK.

YOU SIT... YOU SI AT THE DESK.

I'M GONNA SIT RIGHT HERE.

AND I'M GONNA TO PUT THEM

OVER THERE.

HI, WARREN,

HOW YOU DOING?

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

THANKS FOR COMING.

HI, MORTY.

AND YOU ARE?

COME ON, DAVE,

JOHN AGOGLIA.

YEAH, JOHN, GOOD TO SEE YOU,

HOW YOU DOING?

THANKS FOR COMIN'.

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A SEAT OVER HERE?

DAVE,

YOU KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE.

THE NETWORK:

HAS BEEN ANALYZING

THE LATE NIGHT SITUATION.

FOR THE LAST SEVERAL YEARS

WE'VE WATCHED

JAY GROW INTO:

THE ROLE OF HOST.

OBVIOUSLY, WE HAVE

EVERY REASON TO BE PROUD OF WHAT YOU'VE ACCOMPLISHED,

BUT A CHOICE:

HAD TO BE MADE.

AND SO, TOMORROW

N.B.C. WILL ANNOUNCE

THAT JAY LENO:

HAS BEEN NAMED:

THE NEXT HOST OF

THE TONIGHT SHOW.

UH, AND I'M SURE THA JAY WILL DO A FINE JOB.

UH, BUT I MUST TELL YOU

THAT WE HAVE DONE

THIS SHOW FOR 10 YEARS.

AND, UH, WE KNOW

HOW TO DO THIS SHOW.

NOW, THE BEST THING

WOULD'VE BEEN FOR ALL OF US HERE

TO HAVE GONE ON AND DONE

THE TONIGHT SHOW.

THAT'S WHAT WE

ALWAYS WANTED TO DO.

AND IT'S A REAL DISAPPOINTMEN THAT WE'RE NOT.

BUT IF IT IS:

YOUR FINAL DECISION,

UH, THEN YOU CAN

CONTACT MY LAWYER.

GENTLEMEN, THIS IS

COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.

I WANT YOU TO RELEASE ME

FROM MY CONTRACT.

( John )

WHAT IS THIS?

I MEAN...

I MEAN, WHERE DOES

THIS LEAVE US, MORTY?

I MEAN, HOW... HOW CAN WE

MAKE HIM HAPPY?

YOU WANT TO KEEP HIM HAPPY?

DO AS HE ASKS.

HE WANTS THE TONIGHT SHOW.

WELL, SHORT OF THAT.

WE HAVE A PLAN:

FOR ENHANCING DAVE'S ROLE

ON LATE NIGHT.

WE WANNA MAKE I A SEAMLESS 2-HOUR BLOCK

RIGHT AFTER JAY:

TAKES OVER THE SHOW.

NO, NO, NO, JOHNNY

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

DAVE WANTS THE TONIGHT SHOW.

PERIOD.

WELL, I'M... I'M AFRAID

THAT JUST ISN'T POSSIBLE.

WHY ISN'T THAT POSSIBLE?

MORTY.

YOU ALREADY HAVE

A DEAL WITH LENO?

YOU DO, DON'T YOU?

LET'S JUST SAY

A DECISION HAS BEEN MADE.

A DECISION HAS BEEN MADE?

IT'S OVER. ALL RIGHT.

SO IF YOU WANNA:

HELP US OUT, MORTY,

YOU TELL ME HOW N.B.C.

CAN MAKE DAVE ENTHUSED

ABOUT DOING THE 12:30 SHOW.

( chuckling )

MORTY!

( door closing )

HE'LL BE BACK.

HOLD MY CALLS, PAM.

( Pam )

OK, MR. MORTON.

OH, MORTY, UH...

NOT BAD, HUH?

NO...

NO, NO, NO, I SUCKED.

NO, YOU DIDN'T SUCK.

THERE'S SOMETHING THERE.

I'VE KNOWN THOSE GUYS.

WARREN LITTLEFIELD HAS

NEVER SEEN ME LIKE THAT.

DAVID. DAVID.

THEY THOUGHT I WAS

GEORGE PEPPARD.

IT DIDN'T WORK.

WE DON'T KNOW THAT...

WE DO KNOW, THEY JUST TOLD ME

IN THEIR OWN CHARMING,

F***ING INIMITABLE WAY.

THEY'RE GOING WITH JAY.

AS FAR AS N.B.C.'S CONCERNED,

YOU'RE 12:
30.

AND THAT'S IT?

YEAH.

THAT'S IT.

F***.

( Peter )

DAVID, I KNOW YOU'RE DEPRESSED,

BUT YOU HAVE TO:

KEEP FIGHTING.

FIGHTING FOR WHAT?

I'M F***ED.

I'M FINISHED,

MY TIME IS UP.

IT'S THE END OF THE ROAD

FOR, UH, T.V. BOY.

DAVID,

DON'T GET INTO THAT.

DO YOU WAN THE TONIGHT SHOW?

UH, WHY DON'T YOU ASK

IF I WANT TO PLAY

CENTER FIELD FOR THE YANKEES?

OF COURSE I WAN THE TONIGHT SHOW.

IT'S MY...

( sighing )

SINCE I WAS 10 YEARS OLD,

IT'S THE ONLY DREAM

IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

ALL RIGHT. WHAT ARE YOU

GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

YOU CAN'T JUST WANT IT,

YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.

I HAVE DONE:

A TELEVISION PROGRAM

ON THEIR NETWORK

FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS.

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