The Lavender Hill Mob

- Is this your first visit to South America?

- Yes.

I wish I could stay longer.

It's a pleasant place.

Senor, congratulations.

A wonderful party. Thank you, senora.

The president himself told my husband

it was the occasion of the year.

Oh, senora. I was going to send you this

for your subscription list.

The, uh, victims of the revolution.

Perhaps I may be allowed

to give it to you now.

Thank you, senor.

Always so generous. Oh.

The wife of Martin Gallardo,

the frozen meat king.

Very decent couple. Oh, excuse me.

Manuel?

Pity you can't stay till sunday.

I've got a horse

in the Jockey Club stakes.

You... Rode...

A very good race.

A very good race.

Racing's not quite straight

out here.

Still, I do believe I've helped

to raise the standard a little.

Ah, Chiquita! Chiquita!

I hoped I'd see you. Mm.

You run along and get yourself

that little birthday present.

Oh, but how sweet of you.

Thank you!

You seem to have accomplished

quite a lot in one year.

One superb year.

Just when I was beginning to believe

I'd never achieve it.

For 20 years,

I've dreamed of a life like this.

For 19 of those years,

fate denied me the one contact...

Essential to the success

of all my plans.

Still, I never quite lost sight

of the goal.

Inaccessible

as it often seemed to me...

When I was merely a...

Merely a nonentity...

Among all those thousands

who flock every morning into the city.

Most men who long to be rich know inwardly

that they will never achieve their ambition.

But I was in the unique position of having

a fortune literally within my grasp.

For it was my job to supervise

the deliveries of bullion...

From the gold refinery

to the bank.

- Lucky I saw that.

- Yes, very lucky.

Mr. Richards, with gold

at 240 shillings per fine ounce,

That particle,

estimating its value at, uh, .025,

Would entail a loss

of approximately six shillings.

Well, I've got a bit more out here

for you to check.

One hundred gold bars,

weighed to the value of 495,987!

Well, Mr. Richards, your deposit...

Will be returned in the usual way,

as soon as the gold enters the bank.

You are both armed?

I was well aware they all ridiculed me

for the way I fussed and worried.

That was precisely what I had striven

for years to achieve.

Here we go again.

There's a car been following us.

- That one, sir?

- No, of course not.

A black Chrysler, THX-375.

It's gone on ahead.

No sign of it now, sir.

It's probably waiting for us

around the next corner.

Go and have a look...

and leave me your gun, meanwhile.

Nobody could say that my precautions

were not fully justified.

Many a rascal would have

risked his all for half a million,

Not realizing that gold,

in the form of bullion,

Is useless without a method

of smuggling it abroad.

To find that method was my last

remaining problem. Come in.

Meanwhile,

I gave the bank their gold.

- Oh, thanks, Holland.

Everything quite in order?

- Yes, sir.

Silly question. Twenty years,

and nothing's ever been out of order yet.

Er, that will do, Holland.

Why don't you give

that poor old devil a chance?

Surely, after all this time,

he deserves a leg up.

Oh, I'm afraid

it wouldn't work, sir.

His one and only virtue

is honesty.

He has no imagination,

no initiative, sir.

I was a potential millionaire.

Yet I had to be satisfied with eight pounds,

fifteen shillings, less deductions.

A weekly reminder

that the years were passing,

And my problem still unsolved.

Until my ship came home,

I was obliged to live...

At the Balmoral private hote

in Lavender Hill.

Ah, Holland!

The man of millions.

What did you get away with today?

Got any spare ingots for an old pal?

You'll be the death of me,

Holland!

I sincerely trust so.

Ah, Mr. Holland.

Always punctual.

I smell oxtail soup again.

Oh, dear.

Now, let's see.

Where did we get?

Duke Milligan was about to take a gander

at Nicky the Greek's hideout.

Oh, yes.

Now, here we are.

"I handed my fedora

to a hat-check girl...

"with all that Venus de Milo had got,

and then more,

"and I was admiring the more

when I glimmed something...

"in the back of this frail

that set my underwear...

Creeping up on me like it had legs."

I know that feeling well.

"A guy had soft-shoed out of the door

from the gaming room...

"as quiet as a snake on tip-belly.

"and I didn't need my case history

of smiling Ed Montana...

To know that Sonny boy was his

number-one triggerman, Ricci the Filipino."

I thought it was little boy Schultz

who carried the rod for Mr. Montana.

It was, Mrs. Chalk.

But surely you remember?

Montana found Schultz

taking liberties with that redhead.

Yes, yes.

They took him for a ride.

Only last night, wasn't it?

Oh, I must be getting old.

Read on, Mr. Holland.

"If ever I felt like putting up

a new high for the mile of the century,

This was the time."

"And then I thought again

of those 10,000 smackeroos..."

Yes?

Mr. Holland,

you're not concentrating.

So sorry.

Evesham must be upstairs.

- Good evening.

- Good evening.

Tricky business,

this moving, isn't it?

- You've got a lot of stuff here.

- Yeah.

Can I give you a hand?

Oh, that's very civil of you.

My name's Pendlebury.

Holland. Yeah.

If you wouldn't mind

taking "motherhood"...

Good evening, Mr. Pendlebury.

Welcome to Balmoral.

How very nice to see you.

Oh! Mr. Pendlebury!

I knew you were

an artistic gentleman, but really!

- Take all this.

- Oh! Thank you.

I thought I'd made myself quite plain

when I phoned, miss Evesham.

I'd... I'd no idea it would mean...

But there's no place

to put it all!

- What about the stable?

- I suppose it could go there.

Mind your toes, miss Evesham.

Back shortly, Mrs. Chalk.

Oh, this is capital.

Capital!

A ready-made studio!

A thing I wanted all my life.

Why, it's even

got a north light, too.

Mr. Pendlebury, just one moment.

The terms of my lease...

Oh, I say! Steady, steady, steady.

So sorry.

Oh, it's all right. I had to g...

had to cast her in gilding metal.

It's a little delicate, you know?

Mr. Pendlebury...

I did it in my factory.

You must see it one of these days.

Mr. Pendlebury!

Ooh, these walls!

Oh, an admirable background

for my canvases.

Mr. Pendlebury!

Let me inform you here and now...

That no business occupation

may be performed on these premises.

Oh-ho, my dear lady. This is not

my business occupation. I wish it were.

No, these are my wings.

My escape after the cares

of the day are over.

My business occupation

is something unspeakably hideous.

I'm in the "Presents from" trade.

You know, "Presents from Brighton,"

"Souvenir of Tunbridge Wells."

Yes, if tourists only realized,

they could save themselves

a lot of luggage space...

By applying to us direct

for their holiday memories.

And the irony of it,

Holland, the irony is...

I must design them

all myself.

I propagate

british cultural depravity.

Look at this.

Anne hathaway's cottage...

for keeping string in.

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