The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp Page #9

Will you, for the Lord's sake,

get me through to Beechwood?

The Colonel's having kittens.

Try the other circuit. You said "chit"?

- Yes.

- What's a chit?

A message, man. A message.

I want transport to London. It's urgent.

There hasn't been any message

since I've been on duty.

I'll see what we can do for you.

Jake, get RTO at Ami-le-Bon, will you?

- Yes, Colonel. Yes.

- OK, sir.

Yes, we're trying to get through, sir.

We're trying the other circuit.

Yes, I'll let you know.

A merry little madhouse we've got here.

Yes, very. When does my train leave?

Where do I change?

And where can I get some food?

I thought so. Thanks very much.

Yeah, it's what I thought.

You'll have to go through to Ami-le-Bon.

I've come from Ami-le-Bon to catch a train here.

- My motorcar is stuck in the mud...

- What's that? What, Colonel?

TRANSPORT OFFlCER:

The hell, you say? Thanks a lot.

- That's that.

- What's what?

A German delegation is on its way

to see General Foch. They're going to

- sue for an armistice.

- Yippee!

Nonsense! German propaganda.

Old trick to put us off our guard.

What about my train?

There's not a train, or a track,

or a locomotive to pull one, sir.

In this war, I've seen ammunition dumps

without ammunition,

field kitchens with no cooks,

motorcars with no petrol to run them on,

so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised

to find a railway transport officer without trains.

But let me tell you this, young man,

that in the Boer War or in Somaliland,

this sort of inefficiency wouldn't have been

tolerated for a second. Not for a second.

Now, where can I get some grub?

The Crown of Thorns is good for a hand-out

at almost any hour.

- What is it? A pub?

- A pub, sir? I don't get you.

Oh, dash it. We don't speak the same language.

Er...a cafe?

No, sir. It's a convent.

It's on the way to Ami-le-Bon.

- Show me the way, will you?

- (Motor)

I think I hear Armstrong

coming with a bathtub now.

Armstrong, I want you to take the General here

over to the Crown of Thorns.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir, General. I sure will do that.

ARMSTRONG:

It's kinda damp, but I'll get you there.

- You're off.

- Poor show I couldn't get a train tonight.

I've wasted 24 hours of my leave.

You can step on it, Armstrong.

The General's in a hurry.

I sure will do that.

Well, goodbye, General.

What were those other wars

he was talking about, Captain?

The Boer War and the Somi-something?

I never heard of them.

Those weren't wars.

Those were just summer manoeuvres.

Here we are, General.

The Convent of the Crown of Thorns.

- Let me give you a hand.

- I can manage. Thank you.

(Bell clangs)

WOMAN:
Qui est la?

- Bonsoir, Sister Jacqueline.

WOMAN:
Bonsoir, Napoleon.

- I've brought you a real live colonel.

- Je suis un general anglais.

- Mais entrez donc, mon general.

Good night, General. Bon appetit.

Good night, Sister Jacqueline.

Bonne nuit, Napoleon.

Que desirez-vous, mon general?

Merci, madame. Les Americains...

Moi... Je suis...

J'ai... Manger...

Monsieur le General a mange quelque chose

qui lui aurait fait mal?

- Oui. Manger.

- Mais venez donc, mon general.

Venez, mon general. On vous guerira bien vite.

Ma mere, il y a un general anglais

qui vient d'arriver.

Je viens avec toi, mon petit.

Le general est malade.

- Bonsoir, madame.

- Good evening, General.

Ah, Matron. For heaven's sake,

tell your girls to sit down.

- Sit down, nurses. Sit down.

- ll faut enlever ces choses mouillees.

And your coat.

General, you have fallen on your feet.

I was beginning to think so.

I have 62 freshly trained nurses straight from

England, and all dying to nurse someone.

- Now, what's the trouble?

- Trouble, Matron?

Well, the nun said you'd eaten something.

She got it wrong. I want to eat.

- I'm hungry.

- Oh!

C'est qu'il veut manger!

(Laughs)

Soyez le bienvenu, General.

- Merci, ma mere.

- ll va rester avec nous.

C'est bien, ma mere.

Well, that's settled.

We shall be delighted to have you with us.

Thank you.

You've been in the front line?

I suppose you have.

I was with the ltalians. I was lucky.

I came through Caporetto without a scratch.

Good heavens, Matron.

What insect powder do you use?

(Laughs)

MATRON:

Come and sit over here, General, will you?

Move along a bit, my dear.

Une assiette, s'il vous plait.

Could you pass the water?

We have macaroni.

- Splendid.

- Thank you, Nurse.

CANDY:
Matron, have you ever seen

the lndian rope trick?

No, General. Have you?

It must be an incredible sight.

Yes, but I've never heard of anybody who's

seen it, unless he heard he was going to see it

I beg your pardon. I don't quite understand.

You hear about a thing,

you hope to see it, and then you see it.

Yes, General. Will you excuse me?

One moment, Matron.

Do you know that girl over there?

I'm afraid I don't.

I only met them here at the station.

Come along, nurses. Bed, everyone.

Bed, everybody. Come along.

Come on, Wynne.

- Ou est le matron?

- Qui? La matrone?

- Oui.

- Vous desirez lui parler encore?

- Oui, parler quick.

- Restez. Je m'en vais la chercher.

Nurse, do you know the name of the girl

sitting at the end of that table?

- Dark or fair?

- Fair.

Oh, I don't remember.

Can you describe her better?

Well, she was fair.

I didn't see the colour of her eyes. Slim.

Sorry. Well, it might be anyone.

Excuse me, General.

Where do you come from?

What detachment are you?

Yorkshire. West Riding, most of us.

Good night, General.

Good night.

CANDY:
How long now?

MURDOCH:
Not long now, sir.

- You've said that ten separate times.

- I know, sir.

- Well, hurry. The train leaves at 1 0:30.

- I know, sir.

- I need time at Ami-le-Bon. I'm going to GHQ.

- I know, sir.

Stop talking like an infernal parrot, Murdoch.

How do you know?

- I was told, sir.

- Who told you?

- Major van Zijl's batman, sir.

- What did he say?

That you were up in the air because the Major

got information from the Jerries - the prisoners.

Your misinformation, Murdoch, is typical.

- Thank you, sir.

- Four pages of confessions

not worth... Kretschmar-Schuldorrf?

There can't be two of them

with a name like that, eh, Murdoch?

- No, sir.

- You don't know what on earth I'm talking about.

No, sir.

Haven't I told you about the time

I was in Berlin in 1 902?

When you grew your moustache, sir?

And yet you can't remember

the name Kretschmar-Schuldorff.

You ought to bequeath that brain of yours

- to Guy's Hospital.

- Oh, I remember now, sir. He married the girl.

Yes.

He married the girl.

Last night, Murdoch, I saw a girl,

a nurse, straight from England.

I've never seen a more striking resemblance.

She must have been a very common type of girl,

sir. The young lady in Berlin, I mean.

She was the most uncommon...

What the devil do you mean, Murdoch?

Well, sir, there was that girl in the film.

You remember? You went nine times.

And that girl in the group out of the Bystander.

We lost it in the big push, didn't we?

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