The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp Page #8

No. I say,

Pebble, how did you feel

when you buried Mr Pebble?

Oh, it wasn't so bad at the time, Master Clive,

there was so much to do.

It was after that it got bad, if you understand me.

I hope you haven't come from a burial, sir.

No, from the theatre,

but it was the same thing, in a way.

Was it a sad play?

On the contrary, it was a musical play.

Is the bed in the den made up?

No, but it won't take a minute

if you don't mind sleeping in blankets.

There isn't time to air the sheets.

- Lady Margaret has made changes...

- Pebble! What is going on down there?

- Am I staying?

- I suppose so,

since there's no man here to throw you out.

I say, who put up my South African heads?

- I don't know.

- They don't look half so bad, do they?

No.

Pebble, stop fussing like an old hen,

and go to your bed.

Yes, my lady.

- Good night, Master Clive.

- Good night.

Now, even money

that some catastrophe has brought you here.

- You're on.

- Debts?

- No.

- A woman.

Not exactly.

- Explain.

- I went to the theatre tonight.

- Alone?

- With a girl.

And why, pray, is she "not exactly"?

Oh, it was nothing to do with her.

Perhaps. See anyone there you knew?

- I met Hoppy and Sybil Gilpin. They're married.

- Why not? A very suitable match.

He has money, and she has land,

and neither of them has any brains.

You surely weren't in love with her.

- With Sybil? Oh, no.

- I'm glad of that.

She has the muscles of a prize fighter.

She'll hit him one day.

- Hoppy could give her a couple of stone.

- She'll soon make that up, I assure you.

Who is this girl you took to the theatre tonight?

- A Miss Hunter. I met her sister in Berlin.

- Is she nice?

Very. I mean the sister.

Which sister?

The one that stayed in Berlin.

Then the one in London is not so nice, I take it.

- No.

- I see.

Now, listen, Clive. I have 1 8 rooms here,

a bone-idle staff eating their heads off,

and when you come home from South Africa,

- you go straight to your club.

- I know, it's awful.

I want you to remember that whatever you do,

and wherever you are,

you've always got a home here...

and, whatever you shoot,

there's always room for them here, too.

Look how much room there is.

(Gunshot)

(Gunshot)

(Gunshot)

(Gunshot)

(Gunshot)

(Gunshot)

(Gunshot)

(Hunting horn)

(Gunshot)

(Gunshots)

(Machine-gun fire)

(Heavy artillery fire)

(Shellfire)

This is Dead Cow Crossroads, sir.

The question is

whether that's the church with the double tower

or the Estaminet du Pont.

Damn it, Murdoch,

you're supposed to know the road.

I know it at night, sir.

In the daytime it looks different.

Eh? Got a scent?

Yes, sir. Yon's our road, sir. I can smell

the two horses those sappers didnae bury.

- Hark away, then.

- Hark away, sir.

(Shellfire)

Glad to see you, sir.

I've got another umbrella for you.

You've a marvellous eye for loot, van Zijl.

- Learnt from the English in the Boer War, sir.

- Where did you get them?

Off the Jerries.

1 1 of them brought in an hour ago.

Lord knows where they stole them.

They were using them for camouflage

against aircraft.

Music playing on gramophone

- Good evening.

- Good evening, sir.

Evening, sir.

Can we get through to the RTO

at Dupuis-sur-Something?

Dupuis-sur-Croix. The Yanks are down there.

How about it, Paddy?

I'm afraid the line's down between us

and Mile 1 4, sir. I can send a runner.

- What message, sir?

- Tell him to hold a place on the leave train.

- When can I leave here?

- Not before dark.

They're plastering the road

between 1 -7 and 1 -9 with shrapnel.

- Right. Someone look after Murdoch.

- Nobby.

- Very good, sir.

- Mind the leak, sir.

- Freddie, get that runner away.

- Yes, sir.

If any of you have any important letters

or messages home, I'll take them.

- Thank you, sir.

- Paddy?

Just now I'll see the prisoners again.

All right, sir.

What are these prisoners?

Ulans. 2nd Regiment.

- That's all I've got out of them so far.

- I'd like to question them.

- Certainly, sir.

- Paddy?

The 2nd Regiment of Ulans.

- Sir?

- Bring in the prisoners,

- and tell the orderly to light the lamp.

- Any officer with them?

- Not so lucky.

- Where did you nab them?

Floating down the river early this morning.

I had a boom across,

and netted them like salmon.

They had 1 00lb of dynamite with them.

My guess is they were after

the new pontoon bridge below St Mangy.

How the devil did they get to know about that?

They took one of our patrols prisoner

the day before yesterday.

Are you suggesting that our fellows talked?

The Germans know how to make them talk.

Oh.

Well, if they are, they're cracking, my dear chap.

It's a sure sign.

Nobody starts to fight foul

till he sees he can't win any other way.

I quite believe Hindenburg,

who I heard said the other day

that until now,

Germany has used her arms with honour.

I admit he said nothing about her legs!

Halt!

Left turn!

CANDY:
Get that off to Brigade

- in the morning.

- Certainly, sir.

Do any of you know

Oberst Kretschmar-Schuldorff?

Dont play deaf. He was an Oberst

in your regiment the last time I heard of him.

Oberst Kretschmar-Schuldorff,

2nd Regiment of Ulans.

- Which of you can speak English?

VAN ZlJL:
Hey.

You spoke English an hour ago.

Answer the Brigadier.

I do speak.

CANDY:
Ah.

Now, listen to me.

We don't use the same methods

that I hear you use on your prisoners,

but I assure you we have means

to find out what we want.

What was this explosive

- found on you intended for?

- I don't know.

- Don't lie.

- I do not know.

You took three men prisoner two days ago.

- No.

- Then how did you know about the bridge?

I know nothing about a bridge.

Then why were you carrying dynamite?

Quite safe to go now, sir. Your car's waiting.

- Won't you stay for dinner, sir?

- What have you got?

- Macaroni. We found it in the cellar.

- Beastly stuff.

And the usual corned horse.

Oh, I think I'll take my chance at Dupuis.

It's a pity I've got to go.

I'd like to have another shot at those prisoners.

Oh, I think I've got the idea, sir.

I'll tackle them for you.

- Right. Make your report to Brigade.

- Very good, sir.

Now, listen.

I am in command here now.

And I know how to deal with you scum.

I'm not a simple English gentleman.

I'm a simple South African.

And I can assure you

that I have means to get what I want.

What was the dynamite for?

How many ofyou got away?

What happened to the three men

you took prisoners?

30 seconds to reply.

- US SOLDl ER:
1 0.

- US SOLDlER:
1 0.

- 8:
35.

- 8:
35.

Hello! Hello! Dammit.

The lousy line's dead, sir. I can't get Beechwood.

- Keep trying. And what do you want?

- I'm Brigadier General Candy.

I'm sorry, sir. Sit down.

Take the load off your feet.

I couldn't see your brass for the mud.

- What can I do for you?

- You're the railway transport officer?

I run trains, if that's what you mean.

- That is, when there are any trains to run.

- Did you get my chit?

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