The Little Giant Page #3

They're all dressed wrong. We're right.

Well, listening to you, it's a wonder

I didn't end up down here in pajamas.

Oh, this is great.

Perfect. Real class.

And what atmosphere.

I get a kick out of this, don't you?

You can have my interest in it free.

I know, you rather be in a cellar

shooting crap.

Just lead me to that cellar.

Hmm.

Mr. Stanley will be here in just a minute.

Yes, Miss Cass.

Hey, uh, don't turn around

until I give you the office.

What's the matter? How many?

- They got rods?

- No, you ape, it's a skirt.

And is she the McCoy.

Thought some guy had the finger on us.

One quick hinge at her

and you can tell she's a lady.

It's painted on her like a billboard.

- You wanna meet her?

- Do you know her?

No, but I can ease over there,

break the ice.

Mush-head.

You ain't on North Clark Street.

You're in society now.

Out here, you don't talk to people

till you've been introduced.

Oh, dames are alike all over the world.

I bet I could...

Say, you stay put

or I'll bend this water bottle over your skull.

Oh, boy, am I hungry.

Am I gonna give a big steak

a good home.

- They got me.

- What?

Oh, the score card.

I can't read nothing on it but the date.

Oh, it's in French.

Oh, well, let's order the whole thing.

Maybe there's a steak among it.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

Consomm, chicken and fried potatoes.

Talk French, you chump, and talk it loud.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

When did you learn

how to talk this monkey jabber?

of a French dame.

[CHATTERING]

All right, so why?

It's a game.

What for?

Listen, stupid.

The guys in the white shirts are playing

against the guys in the red.

Each team is trying to knock the ball

through the other team's goal.

Get it?

- Then what?

- Oh, shut up.

Oh, boy, there's that dame again.

Gee, I wish I could find out some way

of getting properly introduced.

You've been beefing about that

since last night.

Why don't you give up?

Leave it, leave it.

Oh, come on, let's scram.

This game's dead.

There ain't no excitement.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Let's hop into town

and pick up a couple of waitresses.

I didn't come out here

to hustle any waitresses.

First-class or nothing.

They won't come near you.

They won't even give you a tumble.

Yeah, they walk around us

like we have smallpox.

Forty-five bucks a day

and they high-hat you.

- They wouldn't let you in the golf club, huh?

- Who said they wouldn't?

Just so happens that one of the gazebos

on membership committee is out of town.

When will he be back?

Well, they ain't so sure about that.

He's in Europe or something.

- Europe, huh?

- Yeah.

You're gonna get in?

Why, sure, I'm gonna get in.

That's a cinch.

We could get up to Frisco and back

before that guy comes home from Europe.

Now, there's a great town, that Frisco.

Wide-open.

Good eats, good liquor and just

crawling with beautiful, friendly dames.

And little Hymie give me

a couple of good addresses.

I wonder how long a guy

could stay drunk if he really tried.

Okay, we'll drive up there tomorrow

and find out.

Whoopee!

Make out like you don't know me.

Boy, am I glad to screw out of that morgue.

Three days and we don't even get a tumble.

Yeah, you're right.

A lot of half-witted chumps riding around

on Shetland ponies, knocking a little ball.

And a lot of high-hat baboons

sitting on horses...

...all swelled up with themselves,

won't talk to nobody.

Horses.

Before I die,

I'm gonna burn down a livery stable.

[HOOFS BEATING]

Stop. Stop the car.

Hey, where you going?

She must be hurt. I'm going to help her.

Say, you hurt bad?

I seen... I saw your horse run away,

and I knew you had an accident, so l...

There wasn't any accident.

We got off and tied up the horses.

No accident?

Of course not.

My horse broke loose and headed for town.

She'll go right back to the stables.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, goodbye.

Goodbye.

Hey, mister.

Did you call me, madam?

Have you got a car?

Why, yes, ma'am.

I've got a luncheon engagement.

I don't wanna wait any longer.

Would you be kind enough

to drive me home?

Oh, lady, I'd carry you home.

Oh, let me...

Oh, please.

Well, thanks so much. If you weren't

leaving town, I'd ask you to drop in for tea.

Oh, I'm not leaving town.

I've decided to stay here all winter.

Well, thanks for the lift.

We'll be at home any time

after 4 tomorrow, if you care to drop in.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

- Back to town, quick.

- What for?

- I thought we're heading for Frisco.

- Never mind.

We're going back.

I've gotta find the best tailor.

A tailor?

You got a suit for every day in the week.

Come on, come on, get going.

[CHUCKLES]

- How do you do, sir?

- What does a guy wear to an afternoon tea?

Well, it all depends, sir.

The best tailors have agreed that...

Come on, I ain't got all year.

What does a guy wear?

Well, I was about to remark, sir...

...that a cutaway coat, white waistcoat

and striped trousers are usually acceptable.

Can I have them by tomorrow afternoon?

That's impossible, sir.

I'll need at least a fortnight...

Look, buddy, I'm on the spears.

I've gotta have it by tomorrow.

I'll pay you double,

triple the regular price.

- Will you step into the fitting room, Mr...?

- J.F. Ahearn.

- I'm stopping at the Biltmore. Call them up.

- Follow me, sir.

Oh, Winterbottom, come here.

- Please take Mr. Ahearn's measurements.

- Right-o, Mr. Charteris.

- Excuse me, please.

- Well, let's make it snappy.

- My dinner suit ready?

- It is, Mr. Cass.

- Can I have it tonight?

- Lf you're prepared to pay something.

Oh, listen, Charteris, old man,

I expect a check any day now.

Now, I'll pay you just as soon as...

I've listened to your excuses

for the last time.

When can you pay me, you may have it,

and not before.

Excuse me, please.

I'd greatly appreciate it, sir,

if you would stand still.

Now, you wouldn't ask an artist to paint

your picture while you were fidgeting about.

Oh, wouldn't I?

You don't know me, Winterbottom.

Oh.

Mr. Ahearn's bank references

are excellent, eh?

A millionaire? Well, that is gratifying.

And where's the gentleman from?

Oh, I see. Well, that accounts

for his strange manner of speaking.

Thanks very much, old boy.

Were you talking about Ahearn,

the polo player from Meadowbrook?

Mr. Ahearn is from Chicago.

[CHATTERING]

[PIANO PLAYING]

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

Oh, how do you do, Miss Cass?

- Hello.

- I, uh...

I accepted your kind invitation.

It's nice of you.

Oh, you're the man who drove me home.

Yes, the man from St. Louis.

No, Chicago.

Of course.

Come on in and meet everyone.

This is Sylvia Townsend,

Mrs. Ingram, Dr. Abbott.

- How do you do, doc?

- How do you do, sir?

Oh, uh, what's your name again?

Bug... Mr. Ahearn.

Mrs. Frotingham,

may I present Mr. Ahearn?

Mrs. Handley, Miss Ames,

Chauncey Cook, Mr. Ahearn.

How do you, Mr. Cook?

BUGS:

Very distingu, I'm sure.

POLLY:

Dave Winters, Mr. Ahearn.

Miss Cramont, Miss Lovering,

Mrs. Terhune, Mrs. Holman...

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