The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane Page #3

- My son?

- About Halloween.

I haven't told my father yet.

- Told your father what?

- What happened here.

Everybody in the village

knows about your son.

Miglioriti. He's a liar.

He hates my son.

Did he tell you he had an affair with my

son's wife before they were married?

I even had to ask him why the police

don't do anything about it.

Why should they do anything?

When your son gives candy

to pretty little girls?

Your jelly glasses, Mrs. Hallet.

- You are gonna get out of this house.

- My house!

With or without your father!

Sure, this is a lonely place.

Often I'm alone.

That doesn't worry me, Mrs. Hallet.

And if it worries you, that's a problem

you'd better take up with your son.

Goddamn you!

No seals.

Without rubber seals,

these glasses are worthless.

The seals are in the cellar.

And this time, don't you dare

tell me to come back later.

Get out of my house!

I'm warning you, Mrs. Hallet.

Get out of my house!

Mrs. Hallet, I'm warning you!

Hi. You been driving long?

How come you're in this car?

- How come you're dressed like that?

- Because I'm a magician.

And what's that, your magic wand?

Oh, it's my cane. I'm a cripple.

- I guess I should say I'm sorry.

- Why? It's not your fault.

Saturday, when all my brothers

are playing football...

I'm putting on a magic show...

for some rich kid's birthday party.

Let's see you do something magic.

Say, aren't you too young to drive?

Well, my neighbor's supposed to take it.

My father's really counting on it

being at the station when he gets in.

You think you could take it?

I can pay you.

Say, you know you got a chipped tooth?

- How come I never see you in school?

- I don't go to school.

- You sick or something?

- No, school is stultifying.

You say this was your father's car?

No, no. What I said was that

my father needs it at the station.

- It's hers.

- Whose?

Old lady Hallet's.

It's a beauty. Only 34,000 miles on it.

I ought to know.

My father has a service station.

He works on it.

- She's lending it to us.

- No way.

She's letting my father.

She won't even let

her own creep son drive it.

- Here's $5.

- I'm already late for my magic show.

You gonna come back afterwards?

Please?

- Look, I need your help.

- Maybe after the magic show.

You promise?

Ma, the new trick with the hand puppet

went over really big.

I'm still here at the birthday party.

No, Ma, they asked me, really.

They asked me to stay for dinner too.

Just hamburgers and Cokes.

Come on, tell Tom he can take her

to the movie for a change.

It's his turn anyway.

Look, I'll talk to you later, okay?

Good...

Yeah, yeah, okay.

Yeah, yeah, okay. Bye-bye.

You don't have any

brothers or sisters, do you?

No.

That's something I can't even imagine.

- Hey, light the candles, huh?

- Yeah, sure.

- Hey, that's a pretty dress.

- Thanks.

My father and I bought it in Morocco.

Hey, they smoke a lot of hash there.

They do a lot of things there.

Did you ever smoke hash?

Hundreds of times.

- Yeah? No kidding?

- Yeah.

You're a regular hippie, huh?

No, not really.

Go ahead, sit down. Want some wine?

- Do you?

- No, I hate it.

Me too.

You're a pretty good cook.

- Is that so surprising?

- I only meant for being 13 and all.

How old do you have to be before

people start treating you like a person?

- Hey, Mario.

- Yeah?

Thanks about the car and stuff.

You know, you may be smart,

but you're stupid.

I mean, if you wanted to get her car

away from the front of the house...

why go to all the hassle

of taking it down to the station?

You see, the trick in magic...

is to do the one thing

so simple and so obvious...

that no one ever thinks of it.

You see? What's simpler than putting

the car back where it came from?

Did anyone see you

take her car back to her office?

Jesus, you think I wanna get busted...

for ripping off old lady Hallet's

most prized possession?

You know, you don't even trust me

enough to tell me why I did it.

You did it to help me.

Did you lock her car doors?

You should've put them

through her office mailbox.

No, I shouldn't. Let me tell you.

I'm sitting there in her Bentley

in the dark, right...

in front of her goddamn office,

trying not to let anybody see me...

and ask me what I'm doing.

I gotta be careful, right?

Now, I may not know why Mrs. Hallet

didn't drive her own car back...

but one thing I do know:

Why would Mrs. Hallet

put her own keys...

through her own goddamn office mailbox?

She wouldn't. She'd keep her keys.

They'd be wherever she is.

I feel like some wine.

Hey, now, this is pretty fancy.

Doesn't even unscrew.

It's got a cork and everything.

Now, this is class.

You still didn't tell me why. How come

she didn't drive her car back?

- So, what do you care?

- I risked my goddamn ass for you.

You didn't have to.

Look, you better tell me

what the hell is going on...

because if I'd left that car

down at the station like you told me...

everybody in the village

would've recognized it.

You don't trust anybody, do you?

- You want another lamb chop?

- Shouldn't we save it for your father?

He's staying overnight in New York.

Hey, you never said that.

- Have you ever stayed alone before?

- Sure, hundreds of times.

Like all those times you smoked hash?

- Aren't you scared?

- Of what?

- Of being alone.

- No.

You know, last week on TV

I saw this old woman...

who was strangled with a body stocking.

I mean, it can happen.

You know you got an outside light?

- Leave it on all the time, okay?

- Thanks.

You know, with me,

you got an indoor light.

Hey, that's neat.

Well, Mr. Show Biz, that's me.

You need more of an audience.

I'd like you to meet Gordon.

Gordon.

Isn't he cute?

- Hey, hi, Gordon.

- Get away.

You don't even trust me with your rat.

- It's a hamster.

- It looks like a rat.

- You look like a rat.

- No.

- Come here.

- You got any pets?

No, just my parents,

which I water and feed regularly.

How nice.

I think we gotta get Gordon

back to the cage.

I'll make a deal with you.

You tell me about the car,

I'll tell you why I'm crippled.

No.

It was polio shots.

See, I have so many

brothers and sisters...

that my mother forgot

who did and who didn't.

Okay, now I wanna know

about the car. All of it.

We have some peach ice cream.

Would you like some?

No.

- The car.

- Her car?

Did you leave any fingerprints?

Presto! No fingerprints.

You're so magic,

let's see you do a trick.

- Okay. Hold on to my cane.

- I want a trick!

- Hold on to my cane.

- All right.

Ladies and gentlemen, I shall now

make an automobile disappear.

- You already did that.

- Well, then, behold, I shall disappear.

Now, go hide your eyes

in the corner and don't peek.

Okay, you ready? Now, don't peek.

Don't peek, Gordon.

Here we go. One, two, three.

Ready or not, here I come.

Mario?

Hey, Mario?

Mario?

Give me that!

Well, Mary-f***ing-Poppins.

- Give me that!

- Come and get it.

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