The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner Page #7

- Colin!

- What.

There's a man to see you.

- Who?

- I don't know. Come on, get up.

- Colin Smith?

- Yeah?

I'm just asking a few questions.

- Why?

- Routine.

Do you know where Papplewick Street is?

Oh, ain't it off Alfroin Road?

There was a baker's halfway down

on the left-hand side.

- Do you know it?

- Oh, I know, next door to a pub.

- No, it's not.

- Oh, sorry, I don't know it then.

If you want to know, mate,

he never leaves that television set,

so you've got nowt on him.

You might just as well look

for somebody else,

'cause you're wasting the rates

you get out of my rent,

standing there like that.

All I want to know

is where you were last night.

Minding my own business.

There was a break-in last night,

and some money taken.

Tell me where that money is

and I'll try and get you off with probation.

Do I look as if I know anything

about money?

- Hey, what's up then?

- Just asking a few questions.

- You his father?

- No, I'm bloody well not.

Get me breakfast on the table,

would you?

You can't con me, you know,

so it's no use trying.

- Tell me where that money is.

- Oh, what was it?

- Was it three and eight pence ha'penny?

- You thieving young bastard.

We'll learn you to take money

doesn't belong to you.

Hey, mother, get me lawyer

on the blower, will you?

All right, Colin, just a sec.

Clever, aren't you?

We won't rest until this is cleared up,

you know?

Look, it's all very well us talking like this,

you know, like it was a game,

but I wish you'd tell me what it's all about,

because, honest to God,

I just got out of bed,

and here you are at the door

talking about me

having pinched a lot of money,

money that I don't know anything about.

I mean, you've got money on the brain,

like all coppers.

I want an answer from you.

I'll tell you what. I'll do a deal.

What sort of a deal?

I'll give you all of the money I've got,

that's one and four pence ha'penny,

if you'll stop this third degree

and let me go inside and get me breakfast.

It's bloody cold standing here,

and I'm clamped to death.

Can't you hear my guts rolling?

All right, me lad.

But you'll be hearing more about this,

you know.

Hey, be careful with that.

You can mend it while you're at it.

Do you mind?

Blame your lad, not me.

I'm just trying to clean up the mess

you made.

See you.

Hey, Sherlock Holmes,

I hope all bloody banks have been robbed

while you've been mucking around here.

Come to our house and all.

They're no wiser, though.

Just go on telling lies

till you're blue in the face.

Hey, why don't we get

the money out now?

We could take Audrey and Gladys

to Skegness,

and have the time of our lives

before we get sent down.

We won't get caught,

and we'll have a good time later on.

I hope you're right.

Hello.

What were those coppers doing

in the house today?

- Minding their own business.

- I'm not talking to you.

Trying to pin a robbery on him.

Aye, I'll bet they had good reason.

Listen,

I don't like living in a thief's kitchen.

Who's asking you to?

Is that you, Gordon?

That's right, love.

The telly's conked out again.

Will you come and fix it?

Right-o.

I've never been in trouble with the police.

You mean you never got caught.

Come on, let's find the girls.

- Give us a few chips.

- And one cod.

My luck's right out.

Had the cops at our house today.

Them bastards looked all over.

- What are they looking for?

- What do you think? Money.

- I wish you wouldn't pinch things.

- Oh, it's all right.

See, they can't pin anything on me

till they find the dough,

and they... Well, they won't find it.

- Be careful though.

- Oh, it's all right.

As soon as the heat's off,

we'll go to Skeggy for

the best time we've ever had.

Table over here.

Why don't you get a job, now, Col?

What's it got to do with you?

Col!

Don't worry, love.

- What's the matter with him then?

- I don't know.

Maybe I will get a job.

It's not that I don't like work,

it's that I don't like the idea

of slaving me good self

so the bosses can get all the profit.

It seems all wrong to me.

My old man used to say that

the workers should get the profits.

No, no, that's what I think.

I bet that's what it'll be like in the future.

It will if I have anything to do with it.

Thing is,

I don't know where to start, though.

What do you want to do, Col?

Don't know, really.

Live, I suppose.

See what happens.

Stay out with me tonight, Col.

Oh, hello. You here again.

- I've got some news for you.

- What?

- You've been identified.

- Who by?

There's a woman swears blind she saw

you and your mate leaving that bakery.

She's a menace then to innocent people,

whoever she is,

because the only bakery I've been in

is that one down our street

- to get some bread on tick for me mother.

- Now, stop messing about.

I want to know where that money is.

Money. You should have said. Ask mother.

She took it to work to get herself

some tea in the canteen.

Couple of bob I think it was,

because I put it in the telly last night.

To tell you the truth,

I nearly had a fit when I saw it was gone,

because I was hoping to get

some fags with it this morning.

All right, me lad,

but you'd better watch your step,

because if I can nick you,

you'll go away for a bloody long time.

Anyway, I don't think life's worth living

without a fag, do you?

I mean, I suppose you could...

You couldn't even pick them up

in the street, in this weather.

You could dry them out,

but it wouldn't taste the same,

what, being out in the rain water,

it does something to them,

changes them back into off stuff,

only without the taste.

Anyway, if I do see that money,

I'll be certain to let you know

on the blower, well, I mean, because

two bob's two bob, innit?

- You don't see them lying around in street.

- You thieving little bastard!

Good morning, sir. All correct.

- Morning, sir.

- Morning, sir.

Morning, lads.

- Morning, sir.

- Oh, Smith.

I've had a word with the doctor

about your check-up.

I thought you'd be glad to know,

you're as sound as a bell.

Oh, good, sir. Thank you, sir.

Well, that's important, you know,

if you should ever think of taking up

athletics in a big way.

You know,

I don't suppose there's any honor

that would give a man

greater satisfaction,

than to represent his country

at the Olympic games.

- Oh, no, sir.

- The Olympics.

I still think that's one of the best ideas

that civilization ever had.

Oh, by the way,

is your mother coming down

for the big day against Ranley School?

Oh, it's a bit too far for her to come, sir.

Oh, well, when the time comes

for you to say goodbye to Ruxton Towers,

you may find you have a great future

ahead of you as an athlete.

- Well, if you put your back into it.

- Yes, sir.

Keep up those evening runs

round the grounds, won't you?

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Here come the newbies.

All right, campers,

get your keys at reception.

Here, mate, what you having,

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