The Long Kiss Goodnight Page #3

so l won't forget.

Like...

Turning off the downstairs' light

Before l go to bed at night

Sh*t.

l can't take this...

f***ing waiting.

Excuse me.

Do you normally curse this much?

What are you, a Mormon?

Yes, that's why l just smoked

a pack of Newports...

and drank three vodka tonics.

What l'm saying is...

back when we first met

you were all like...

''Oh, phooey!

l burned the darn muffins.''

Now, you go into a bar...

ten minutes later sailors come

running out. What up with that?

Thanks for sharing.

Mind your own damn business.

While you're at it,

if you're going to smoke inside...

close the damn door.

l heard you scream--

Sh*t!

Henessey...

l didn't know about the gun.

l wasn't hiding things. l swear.

- Goddamn it, stop walking!

- l'm going home!

And so are you!

l paid you!

Well, here!

Take your money!

Take it!

l can't go home.

Until l know why that man tried

to kill me, l'm trapped.

lt's like l'm in a goddamn prison!

Do you know how that feels?

Yeah, l know exactly

what that's like!

Four years inside.

Marion, lllinois.

A real shithole!

And l'm not going back!

Seven years ago

l was an Atlanta cop.

Me and my partner handled

a lot of impounded sh*t.

That motherf***er hated me.

l forget why, but he did.

On one weekend...

when he was conveniently away...

some bonds disappeared

from his office.

Lo and behold, when my brothers in blue

responded to an anonymous tip...

you'll never guess what they found

sitting in my closet.

The bonds.

Your partner put them there.

No, l did.

l stole the damn things.

l never did one thing right

in my life. You know that?

Not one.

That takes skill.

You just missed our exit.

Give me back my money.

Oh, so you're--

l'm taking you

to the train station, yes.

To meet Mr. Waldman.

Here you go.

Merry Christmas.

Bah humbug.

Look out the window.

Shut up.

You know we're about

ten minutes early.

l've got a bad feeling about this.

Put my keys in my left pocket

- Gun in the right-hand side

- lt makes a bulge you can see.

l should stick it in my pants

and shoot my damn dick off?

Now you're a sharpshooter?

Going to shake hands with the man

- How you doing?

- Hi.

lt's for you.

Another in a long line of...

bad personal investments.

- Excuse me?

- Just saw the ring on your finger.

Do l know you from somewhere?

Back up.

Total pickup line.

Forget l said it.

l take it back.

Thank you for the beer, but...

l don't know you, no.

No, you don't.

l can tell when someone's...

lying to me.

l'm sorry to have bothered you.

Yours?

Who's your boyfriend?

Some guy.

Okay, people,

l got what l need.

Move in. Do them both.

That man walking this way.

ls that him?

l think so.

Gun!

Jesus wept!

Let's go!

We got to get to the car.

This way!

Come on!

Go! Go!

No! Come on!

No, this way!

Move it!

Come on, Ms. Caine!

Come on!

Oh, sh*t!

Take this! l got three shots left

in this revolver.

You got a full clip.

Just point...

and spray. Okay?

Ready?

And...

F*** it!

Run for your life!

There's no way out!

- Jump!

- That's a three-story drop!

Are you crazy?

- What happened?

- l saved your ass. lt was great!

We've got to get to the car!

This way.

Come on!

Get down!

Get down!

Get in, both of you!

Now!

l said now!

We jumped out of a building!

Yes, it was very exciting.

Tomorrow we go to the zoo.

You're Waldman.

No, l'm the Hill Brothers bean buyer.

Who else would l be? Hang on.

lf you want me to talk

in front of him, you may be asked...

to kill him later.

lt works for me. Your call.

Fire out the back if you have to.

- Old man, how many of those you got?

- Three.

One shoulder, one hip and one here...

right next to Mr. Wally.

Most patdowns never reveal it as

an agent's often reluctant to feel up...

another man's groin.

Other questions?

What's the weather like

on your planet?

Charlene, my darling.

My name is Samantha,

Samantha Caine.

No, forget all that.

The schoolteacher business...

was your cover.

Do you hear me, Charly?

Your memory was gone.

You bought your own cover.

lt was a fantasy for Christ's sake!

Samantha Caine never existed.

You wrote the bloody thing!

No, it's not a fantasy.

l'm in the goddamn P.T.A.!

Then quit!

You're an assassin working

for the United States Government.

l ought to know.

l trained you.

Get the f*** out of here!

Assassin!

Your father was...

in the Royal lrish Rangers,

assigned to Belfast.

After he was murdered there

in 1975...

his friend, Perkins, adopted you,

or perhaps l should say...

recruited you,

to work for Chapter...

a blackbag operation working

from the U.S. State Department.

You getting this?

October, 1988, you were assigned...

to take out a munitions dealer

named Daedalus...

and his hired enforcer, Timothy.

You failed

to complete your mission...

electing instead to die, of all things,

despite clear orders to the contrary.

Dead you remain.

Until without preamble...

you reemerge eight years later

and a good deal frumpier.

Anyhow, l think we can

safely assume...

that Daedalus is aware

of your resurrection...

and attempting to reverse it.

He'll be watching the police, hospitals.

We must stay away, understand?

Mr. Henessey, can l help you?

Henessey, what is it?

- lt's a setup. lt's got to be.

- Put that down.

This is not an episode of television.

Those guys

back at the train station.

How'd they know we'd be there?

lmpossible! Unless Waldman told them.

- l did nothing of the kind.

- They tapped your phone.

l know it sounds preposterous.

Just happen to know we'd be calling?

- Get in the car.

- All right.

See here, my friend.

Oh, sh*t!

Get in the car, now!

How about it? You believe

any of the crap that guy said?

Well... no.

That guy was a lunatic.

We got to talk to someone else.

You thinking what l'm thinking?

l hope not because l'm thinking

how much my balls hurt.

But if you're talking

about the postcard...

l don't think l want to meet

any more of your old friends.

We have no choice.

We need some answers,

or we're gonna die.

l saw you from the road.

l think your name is Luke...

and l think

l was going to marry you.

Oh, baby!

Oh, man.

Luke.

She's my only daughter...

and l don't quite trust you yet.

So what about it?

- You and Mr. Outdoors bump pelvises?

- lt's possible.

And how about your daughter?

What's her name, Cathead?

- Caitlin.

- You think he might be the father?

l don't know. But all these little

details about him are coming back.

- l'm remembering things.

- Like what?

ls this ''America's Funniest

Practical Videos'' or something?

Keep your f***ing hands

where l can see them!

l had an itch.

Charly, this is crazy.

You and me, we were like...

Don't you remember?

Hell, you pursued me.

l know that he has a pin in his leg.

Car accident.

l know he cuts his own hair.

He doesn't own a TV.

He sits down when he pees.

That's enough.

l'm getting a boner.

l know this man.

l must have been seeing him.

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