The Long Kiss Goodnight Page #4

Let me talk to him.

Alone.

l'm sorry.

Do you want to take a walk?

Got me a handgun

Got a rifle too

Anybody f*** with Mitch

He know just what to do

'Cause l'm a

Bad motherf***er

Stay quiet

and drop the rifle.

How'd you find us?

There may be many reasons

not to kill you...

but among them is not that

you'll be missed by NASA.

l found the address

in your coat.

Here. Between the address

of a topless bar...

and a picture of what looks

like a man's penis.

That's a duck, not a dick.

The man she's with.

Who is he?

Her former fianc.

His name's Luke.

Former fianc? That's ridiculous.

She was never engaged.

l just went through this with her.

She knows how the man pees.

Look at him.

He's cool.

Former fianc.

- Why on earth would she think that?

- We found a note.

lt's in her handwriting.

- She saw a note?

- Who are you, William Shatner?

Calm down.

- Yeah, a note to her uncle.

- Max?

Uncle Max!

That's the agency,

you blithering idiot!

And the word ''engaged'' means

she's locked on to target. F***!

- Not a former lover but a target?

- Her target, yes!

She knows things because she studied

the bastard to assassinate him.

Sh*t!

- Sam!

- Charly!

He's Daedalus!

Get out of there!

lt's him!

Well, howdy there.

lf it isn't the forgetful spy.

How you feeling?

You're the man from the bar.

Will you look at her.

She's not faking it.

She doesn't know me from Adam.

lt's not that l don't trust

my compadre here, Major Baltimore.

ln fact, l had every confidence

that your amnesia was genuine.

Until you showed up here.

You follow?

l'm trying to pull off

the biggest job of my career...

so, darling,

l have to know...

how much about me

you really remember.

And who you've told.

l haven't told a soul.

l swear.

We'll soon know.

What is this?

Some kind of torture thing?

Torture, yes.

A woman's face never looks...

quite so beautiful

as when it's distended in pain.

Witness...

the beauty of childbirth.

Untie me,

and l'll make any face you want.

Let's not and say we did.

Take a deep breath.

We're gonna do the torture thing.

Operation Honeymoon

is on schedule.

l've secured the tanker.

Now l just got to make the soup.

l'll follow as soon as

l'm done here.

Ten minutes in this cold water,

she'll be insane or dead.

Five minutes.

She'll tell me everything l need.

That's right.

Take in all the air you can.

lf you need to vomit,

do it now.

So you...

don't remember anything...

at all?

Best night of your f***ing life.

l say drown the wench.

Talk to me, Major.

ls my identity safe?

My name is Samantha Caine.

Answer the question.

Who knows about me?

Nobody!

F*** you!

F*** you!

l hate to see you like this, Charly.

l heard you were

a hell of a spy once.

Watch your back.

l'm not done yet.

Goodnight.

Okay, l'll signal Daedalus.

Your money will be waiting.

Jack...

do yourself a favor, man.

Don't let her looks fool you.

She's the f***ing Energizer Bunny.

Just do her and dump her.

Don't get cute and play doctor first.

l made that mistake.

Nearly killed me.

Little f***er.

Daedalus...

l'll make you a deal.

Let me go now...

and l'll leave you

the use of your legs.

Why have you resurfaced?

ls it Operation Honeymoon?

ls that it?

Who sent you?

Why are you here?

l let you touch me, cowboy.

l think l need a bath.

Samantha, please.

Who's Samantha?

Where's Henessey?

Hey, Mitch!

You're awake.

You're seeping.

Here...

look at this.

Oh, sh*t!

That hurt like sh*t.

l know.

That's why l distracted you first.

Same principle

as deflowering virgins.

What?

Virgins? What?

l read it in this Harold Robbins' book.

The guy bites her on the ear.

Distracts from the pain.

Ever try that?

No, l sock them in the jaw and yell,

''Pop goes the weasel.''

Who the f*** are you?

Name's Charly, the spy.

Nice to meet you.

Drink?

As you can see, things are still crazy,

but the sheriff has told me this:

There have been gunshots--

Okay, let's say l buy it.

You are a trained killer.

l can't even say that

with a straight face.

So, Samantha, she...

Never really existed.

Like Nathan said.

She was a total fabrication.

l made her up.

So now she's just gone?

- Forever and ever?

- Thank God!

Look at my inordinately large ass.

Look what she did to me.

Pretty convincing act.

l guess.

You know...

her personality had to come

from somewhere.

Change the subject.

Better yet.

Bring me that bottle.

Here you go.

Drink up.

So what's next?

- What do we do now?

- l contact Chapter.

l come in for debriefing.

Bury the last eight years.

Get back to work.

Cheers!

Would you believe it, Harry?

We got an appropriations review

in three weeks...

and now the President wants to know

how l managed to lose an agent.

Yes, sir, you have a call

on line three, sir.

You going to tell me who it is?

Charly Baltimore, sir.

Run a trace.

This is Mr. Perkins.

Turn on the TV.

Farm in New Jersey. Seven dead.

Good Lord, girl, we've been

looking all over for you.

l got a photo of you

in a Christmas parade.

What the hell is happening?

Don't be stupid.

l completed my assignment.

You mean Daedalus?

l shot him.

He's pretty much dead.

Actually l would have

done it earlier, say in '92...

but l was baking.

Don't ask.

l want to come in.

Sure.

Of course.

Let me direct you

to a safe house.

Forget it.

We play it my way.

You want me back, then you stay away.

l'll call you.

Those are the rules, understand?

Sh*t!

Did you hear that?

lf she got to Daedalus...

she could know

about Honeymoon.

She might know that old targets

are now your new best friends.

That could be trouble.

Goddamn you.

There were weapons on that farm.

She's armed.

Stop having kittens.

You're the head of a major spy network,

and you have a tendency to whine.

She could compromise

this entire operation.

We have 24 hours.

We find her...

and we kill her.

Do whatever it takes

but be careful.

lf it gets out

you're working for me...

l'll be grabbing my ankles

on the White House lawn.

The lady's wacked. She's lost it.

l gotta get out of here.

l need you to meet me.

l'll sneak out to this phone and

call you at midnight with the details.

All right, Sam,

what did that accomplish?

l'm testing our boy Perkins.

Got a light?

l don't really trust him.

Come again?

Little experiment.

lf he was looking for me

in Pennsylvania, he tapped your office.

You mean

he just traced that call?

Come midnight,

you hang by the phone.

lf he wants to erase me...

he'll send someone to kidnap

and torture you for my whereabouts.

ln which case, hey,

l don't trust him.

No. Time out.

l haven't had a date

in eight years, Mitch.

ls this a fun date?

What's going on?

True love.

Shut the f*** up.

A beautiful...

white lady seducing

the colored help.

Get real, sweetheart.

l ain't handsome. l ain't rich...

and the last time l got blown,

candy bars cost a nickel.

- What's going on?

- Chemistry. Go figure.

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