The Long Weekend Page #2

on this for six months.

You think you can turn

that around by Monday?

Monday?

Yeah.

Yeah. I'm going to make 'em stay.

I'm going to come up with a campaign.

If you do that...

you cannot only keep your job,

you can have this office.

I'm not going to let you down.

- Where are we putting this?

- Roger's office.

Hey! Hey! Hey, put it down!

Put it down. I'm on the payroll st...

They took my coat!

Oh-ho!

Whoo!

Hey.

It is dead animals in the shaft.

What animals?

Uh... rats...

uh... mice, cats.

Cats?

The cats go in after

the mice and rats, and

then they get stuck, and

they starve and die.

Then they decompose, and the rotting flesh

releases the offending odour

that you're smelling now.

I see.

Try breathing through your mouth.

Try breathing through your mouth?

Could this day suck anymore?

Happy Birthday?

Owl Sh*t!

What are you doing?

It's your birthday.

I wanted to surprise you.

- What, by blinding me?

- Oh, come on.

That's what big brothers are for. Sit down.

Come on, I got some presents for you.

We're all set.

Open it up. Open it up.

It's the bottle of Glen Kyoto. That's...

Hey, you know it.

And look at this. Wow.

That's a Glen Kyoto T-shirt.

Oh, look at this great piece of artwork.

Wow, that's a Glen Kyoto

ashtray, of course.

That's uncanny, because just today, I was

thinking about taking up smoking, so...

- Call that brotherly intuition.

- Thank you, buddy.

Don't thank me.

Thank the number-one-selling

Japanese rice whisky in the world.

Puts a roof over our head

and tastes delicious, right?

Oh, hey.

- These came for you.

- Oh, yeah.

Fan mail.

Oh, my God.

How'd you like to have that

wrapped around your cock?

On, dirty.

But I'd do her. Would you do her?

You'd definitely do her. Come on.

- Oh!

- Ooh.

Oh. Fat man in little panties.

That one's yours. Oh, hey, I nearly forgot.

Got you one more present.

"Bup, buh, dah, ba"

Well, what do you think, huh?

Come on. This thing is the very latest.

I swear to God, man, you could shoot a cum

shot from a mile away with this thing.

Now What's the matter? You don't like it?

You know my promise:

I will never film another inch

of home video footage again.

It's over a year since Cathy dumped you.

She didn't dump me. It was mutual.

Aaargh!

Sh*t?

Ed, you love home video, man.

Don't you think it's time you got over her

and that stupid little promise?

Oh, hey, Ed.

Come on, man, this thing's perfect.

- I got work to do.

- Come on, man.

Cathy and Jack would be happy

to have a camera like this.

Wait a minute. Ed!

Hey, Ed.

Ed, wait a minute, man.

You've got to go out. It's your birthday.

I'm going to have to take

a rain check on that.

But it's your birthday.

You got to go out. It's the law.

- I have to work or I'm toast.

- We'll go to Gonigan's.

We'll have a quiet drink

between two brothers.

No, I can't,

You won't achieve anything

staring at these four walls.

Art imitates life, right?

And you need a life. Come on.

Ha ha! That a boy!

Come on, this will be fun.

"THE STINGERS:
Getaway"

"First the money gets away"

You never told me, how was that audition?

- I didn't get a call back.

- No way!

- Did they give a reason?

- I didn't technically

make it to the audition.

Got a little sidetracked,

if you know what I mean.

Oh, Jeez.

- Isn't Gonigan's to the right?

- Oh, yeah.

Just got to pick up a couple of friends.

- I thought this was just

going to be the two of us.

- It is.

The two of us and a couple of girls.

- I can't believe you!

- What?

Come on, you'll love these girls.

They're total Sweeties.

And Susie is definitely your type.

- Coopie.

- Hi, Jo.

Uh... Susie.

This is my brother, Ed.

- Hello.

- Hi.

Um... I got to go finish my make-up.

Coopie?

You come with me?

Its his birthday.

Ehm... shall we open this?

Don't bother. We already got one open.

- There you go.

- Thank you.

Its delicious.

Yeah, it's so big.

Oh, I'm a whore, yeah.

Ehh...

Spank me.

Spank me, Daddy.

Oh, yeah!

So, what do you do?

I'm a nurse.

Wow, that's a tough job.

So few people are really

making a difference in the world,

and look at you, you're out

there curing illnesses,

and healing injuries,

and saving lives.

I Work in an abortion clinic.

Ohh!

Right! So.

So, Susie,

was Ed here telling

you that he's an

award-winning advertising

executive Supremo?

The kid's a dynamo.

Oops.

Who's hungry?

"BOSSHOUSE:
You Roll I'll Drive"

"We're the only ones here alive... "

And so Ed runs eight miles.

And I'm not talking your average over the

river and through the woods here, ladies.

I'm talking the most treacherous terrain

you can possibly imagine.

I'm talking jumping over snake pits.

I'm talking about this man was chased by

wolves just to find somebody with a phone

to then call the airborne forest rangers,

who arrived just in the nick of time

to save the entire boy scout troop.

Had it not been for my brother's grit,

determination and sheer heroism,

they may have all died.

You're a genuine hero.

Is all that true?

Cooper may be exaggerating a bit.

The err...

The bus actually drove off the road

to avoid hitting me.

But he did run eight miles.

I mean, can you imagine?

Yes, that's true, in the wrong direction.

They were found by a passing hiker,

and then he called out the forest rangers,

and then

they came in helicopters,

actually, and found me.

The point here is, ladies,

that everyone was saved.

Yes.

There you go.

Except the guy who lost his legs.

There was a guy who lost his legs.

Food. Outstanding.

Ladies, let's get it on here, huh?

The night is young.

Drink it up and enjoy.

Susie, let's go.

The game is strip coasters.

Let's do it Top comes off.

OK.

Got it.

Good catch.

- Lucky you.

- Thank you, thank you.

OK. Your turn.

Eddie, you're up. Come on now, buddy

Show her you're an athlete.

He shoots, he scores, huh?

Excellent shot! Did you see that?

Would you excuse me for a moment?

- Where's the men's room?

- It's in the back there.

- Right or left?

- Hey just follow your nose.

Good luck.

Oh, no.

Ohh.

Oh, it burns.

No.

I can't wipe with that.

Oh, hey. Hey, brother.

Listen, you mind if you take Susie home?

- Where are you going?

- Oh, Jo's not feeling well.

- What's wrong with her?

- You know, I'm not sure.

But I better take her home

and take her temperature,

vaginally with my flesh thermometer.

Susie's totally into you, by the way.

Here, man.

Look alive. Have some fun, will you?

Ladies.

Jo, what do you say

we get the f*** out of here, huh?

I am ready for dessert.

Oh, yeah. Spanking's on the menu.

Can I walk you home?

Sure.

But I don't want you to get the wrong idea.

I'm not that Kind of girl.

Don't you think there's something

just so sexy about the city at night?

There's something about

knowing that thousands

of people all around

us are doing it.

Old people, married folks,

adulterers, teenagers,

virgins losing it for

the first time...

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