The Lost Language of Cranes Page #4

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with this news.

And I thought, erm...

Well, I thought I'm tired of being restrained.

I should ask what I want to know.

I should take an interest in my son, hm?

You ask anything you want, Dad.

How did it start?

- What?

- Your sexual life.

Erm...

in the beginning, it was, er...

fooling around with Jerard

when we were kids.

But my first adult experience, er...

- Dad, are you sure you want to hear this?

- Mm-hm.

(Clears throat)

It was a grope with

a much older man in a cinema.

Cinema?

Porno cinema.

I was 17.

And after that...

erm... a few bits and pieces.

Nothing to write home about.

And then at university

I had a boyfriend.

Six months, off and on.

And all through this, you...

you were sure, you knew you were... gay?

Mm-hm.

- How old were you when you knew?

- About 13 or 14.

Have you ever slept with a woman?

No.

- Forgive me for asking such naive questions.

- It's fine.

It's just that I was wondering...

You know, it seems to me that...

fundamentally, everybody's bisexual.

Don't you think?

No, I don't.

I think that some people are...

and a whole lot of others

are one way or the other.

This whole bisexual thing

can become an excuse.

A way of avoiding commitment,

or avoiding the truth.

Do you still go to that cinema?

The one you mentioned?

The porno?

No. I've never been back.

Listen...

Er... can I ask you something?

Can you always tell

when someone is gay?

Well, it's hard to say.

- Sometimes.

- How? How can you tell?

Well, gay people, erm...

give off signals

to other gay people.

Er, they may, erm... give off

a sexual buzz towards men...

but not towards women. Why?

I was just wondering

because there's this, erm...

young, erm, English Lecturer

at the university.

I don't know what he is.

He's very nice. He's very charming.

And, erm...

well, you know, er...

well, if he was... is... gay...

Well, I think you might like him.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, Philip, I'm sorry. Forget it.

Forget I said it.

No, no. Forget it.

I mean, it was a mistake.

Dad, I don't want to forget it. Really.

I, erm... (Laughs)

I appreciate you thinking about me.

Yeah. Well...

I... I was wondering if, you know,

you were free for dinner on Sunday...

- I might ask your mother to ask Winston.

- Hm.

- I don't see why not.

- Good.

I think you might like him.

(Rose) "The feeling of

anticipation was overwhelming.

"Her veins flooded

with pure ecstasy.

"Her love was complete.

"An entire chair

of skylarks joined her

"in celebrating the moment of realization."

Hmm.

"Her eyes slowly scanned the room,

"the centerpiece of which

was a sumptuous king-sized bed.

"Her arms encircled him.

Time stood still."

( Piano playing softly)

(Chatter drowning out

man singing)

Gin and tonic, please.

(Man) For love might come

and tap you on the shoulder

Some starry night

And just in case you think

you wanna hold her...

(Chatter drowning out singing)

Hi. How are you?

Fine.

Can I get you another drink?

Er...

Why not?

Gin and tonic.

Let me get you some money.

No, that's all right. It's on me.

Cheers, thanks.

I'm Frank, by the way.

Owen.

This a regular haunt?

Er, not really.

- No?

- No.

Oh, I sometimes drop in

when I'm working in the West End.

- What do you do?

- The building trade.

You?

The university trade.

- Academia.

- Oh.

You married?

Yeah.

Yeah, I thought so.

Me too.

It's difficult, eh?

Yeah.

- Where do you live?

- Stanmore.

I've got a friend's place for tonight though.

Listen, are you a nice bloke or what?

'Cause what I need right now

is someone...

someone knows what they're doing,

not some arsehole.

There's too many arseholes out there.

Yeah.

So when I saw you come in, I thought...

"Wow", I thought, "He's different."

Well, like I said, er...

I've got this place for tonight.

I mean...

would you like to go there?

Go there with me?

Yeah. I'd like that.

I'll get my coat.

I better go.

Rose will be sick with worry.

And what do you tell her?

Here's my number at work.

Give me a ring, will you?

All right.

Bye.

(Sighs)

Hello, Rose.

Hello.

I was worried about you.

I shan't ask any questions.

I don't want to know anything.

But I want you

to promise me something.

I want you to promise me

the next time you stay out

until three o'clock in the morning,

you phone me and warn me.

So that I don't worry myself to death

wondering if you're still alive.

Yes, you're right, Rose. I... I'm sorry.

I will.

Rose?

Rose?

Rose...

How's Nadia?

Good.

No problems since

this last operation. She's good.

And your family?

Not much to tell.

Philip's still in publishing like us

and Owen...

Well, he gets depressed

a lot of the time.

We have to get out of the flat.

Why?

Returning owner occupier.

You mean the landlord

wants to live there again?

Yes, after 20 years.

Oh. Rose, I'm sorry.

Couldn't you get a mortgage

on another place?

What, at these rates?

No, Nick. We're in a mess.

To be honest,

there are other things.

Things are a bit difficult at the moment.

Do you want to talk about it?

Well, if you ever do...

(Clears throat) I'm always here.

For old times sake.

I think of you often these days.

More often than I would've guessed.

I think of you too, Rose.

Of course. Of course you do.

Nick...

I meant what I said.

If... you ever want to talk.

Thank you.

I may just need to.

(Laughter)

I've packed it in.

- What?

- The thesis.

You've what?

You've got to do

what you believe in.

I've had it with academics.

It was just an excuse

to avoid everything.

Like what?

Myself.

I mean, look at Elliot, pissing off to Paris.

That's the ticket.

Philip, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it that way.

It's all right. No, it's OK... now.

- I've heard from Elliot.

- What?

- I got a letter.

- When? When did you get a letter?

A few days ago.

He says that, er...

he's got a nice, depressed boyfriend

called Thierry.

- He's obviously getting on with his life.

- So are you.

"I did love you...

"in my own particular way.

"The problem is,

loving someone is not the same

"as wanting to spend

your life paired with them.

"This is cruel of me

to say perhaps."

"I knew that there was no way

I could not..."

Let me see.

Hurt you?

- "Hurt you.

- (Laughs)

"I wanted you at least to have the benefit

of being able to be angry at me,

"to hate me a little

"because I know

that makes it easier."

"If there's one thing

I know about you, Philip...

"it is that you are,

whether you like it or not,

"helplessly optimistic.

"Sometimes I think

you are doomed to happiness."

Does it bother you when people

assume that we're a couple?

Aren't we?

I suppose we are in some ways.

It's nice, isn't it?

Yes.

Do you ever think about

the possibility of us becoming a couple?

Sometimes.

Good.

Me too.

What are you making for dinner?

Lasagne.

You know your father's

invited someone from work.

A young man in need

of a good home-cooked meal.

Have you met him?

No, but your father's

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