The Love Bug Page #2

I brought it back.

I want my money,

I want the papers I signed,

then I'll get out and you two clowns

can have your little laugh.

Mr Douglas, if there is

anything wrong with the car,

would you be good enough

to tell me what it is?

It's just that that it wants to go

one way and I'd like to go the other.

- Whatever it is, none of it

is covered in our guarantee.

- I'm sure of that.

- If you examine paragraph 12...

- Excuse me, Mr Thorndyke.

If I sold this gentleman the car

I feel a certain responsibility.

Do you mind if I try it?

Miss Bennett!

Our dinner engagement.

I won't be a minute.

Seems to be acting

all right now.

Sometimes new car owners have a tendency

to exaggerate their problems.

We get that all the time.

Believe me, when I was

in this car alone...

Just treat it gently at first.

It really is a fine automobile.

Have you had much

experience with cars?

Look, lady, by profession

I'm a racing driver.

Oh, that Jim Douglas.

What do you mean,

"That Jim Douglas"?

Let's see, two years ago

at Laguna Seca...

you spun out and hung a beautiful

Buick Special on the back fence.

At Willow Springs,

a year ago last February,

you sprayed a Lotus

all over the infield.

How do you know all that?

I have trouble

with names and faces,

but I never forget a car.

I like good machinery.

Now, why don't you give

this little car a fair chance.

You bought it; enjoy it.

You can drive me back now.

What about it, dad?

Want to give that doodle bug a workout?

I'll go easy on ya.

Be serious, will ya?

- Did you see this thing take off?

- One of your showboat tricks.

I tell you, I had nothing to do with it.

Hey, we were turning.

Outta sight, man.

I wouldn't have believed it.

Groovy, pop. Groovy.

As long as the customer

finally seems pleased,

I'll just step out

and find myself a taxi.

Will you stop the car, please?

I'm trying!

Look!

It's just like I told you.

This thing's starting to act up again.

How very odd. When I was driving there

was no problem whatsoever.

I can't seem to do

anything with it!

Mr Douglas, I'm asking you nicely

to pull over and let me out!

Look, I'm sorry about your date,

I really am.

I didn't want you to miss

your dinner engagement.

What's the rush, tiger?

We got all night.

Goodbye, Mr Douglas.

Here, I'll help you.

I can get out, thank you.

What'll it be, chief?

Would you mind helping the lady

get her car door open?

Look, I'm busy.

And I ain't no mechanic.

All I do is sell food,

and that ain't too good.

You want somethin' or don't ya?

- Help!

- Two hamburgers and a coffee.

Help!

Can you help me, please?

Help! I'm a prisoner!

I can't get out!

We all prisoners,

chickie baby.

We all locked in.

Mmm.

A couple of weirdos, Guinevere.

What? Wait a minute.

Hold it, hold it.

Let me open the door.

Hey, knock it off,

will ya, sis?

I ain't sayin' this is

the classiest joint in town,

but we gotta draw

the line somewhere.

Come on,

back in your seat.

Why don't you go

up to Seabreeze Point?

- Fuzz don't bother you much up there.

- Thanks.

I wish there were some way

I could make up for those hamburgers.

Mr Douglas, please

don't go on about it.

I'm sure that if I were driving none

of these things would have happened.

It's all yours.

Now I think you'll

see what's what.

This is very embarrassing.

Yes, it is.

- I would have preferred knowing

you a little longer first.

- Just a minute!

- You don't think I drove

you here on purpose.

- Don't try to explain.

- The point is you brought me here.

- I did not bring you here!

It's this nasty little car.

- But you said yourself

it's a very nice little car.

- And as you said,

it does have some

peculiar traits.

And I agree with you completely.

- Bring it in tomorrow

and I'll find a replacement.

- I don't want the car replaced.

As a matter of fact,

I'm beginning to like it.

- Oh!

- Don't panic.

Don't panic. There must be

some place I can call a taxi.

Ooh!

Hey!

You know, for a moment

I thought you weren't going to stop.

What's the matter now?

Look, this is ridiculous.

Let's get back in the car, huh?

Hold it.

Hold it, everybody.

Just a moment, please.

Something the matter?

- Is this man bothering you?

- No, not exactly.

It's okay.

We're together.

- Is that your car?

- My...

Well, yes.

Yes, it is.

Okay, then.

Move along.

- Hey, bud.

- Yeah?

Not too smart

wandering around the park at night.

- Right.

- I'll drive.

She'll drive.

I should have given

you a citation.

You ought to have enough sense

to put your brakes on...

while your car is stopped!

Well then, if everything you say

about this car is true,

it's already

starting to happen.

- What's starting to happen?

- Us human beings.

We had a chance to make something

out of this world.

We blew it.

Okay.

- Another kind of civilization

is gonna take a turn.

- Give me an 11-mil wrench.

- I'm sitting up

on top of this mountain, right?

- Right.

- I'm surrounded by these gurus

and swamis and monks, right?

- Right.

- I'm lookin' at my stomach.

- Yeah.

- I'm knockin' back a little rice wine.

- Um-hmm.

Got some contemplation goin';

I see things like they are.

- I coulda told you all this was comin'.

- What's coming?

Jim, it's happening right under

our noses and we can't see it.

We take machines

and stuff 'em with information

until they're smarter than we are.

Take a car.

Most guys spread more

love and time and money...

on their car in a week than they do

on their wife and kids in a year.

Pretty soon,

you know what?

The machine starts

to think it is somebody.

I'm not saying a mechanical thing

can't be a friend.

Like, when I was

broke one summer,

there was this giant claw machine

in the Sutro Amusement Park.

It would grab cameras and watches

and drop them down a hole to me.

- And I would hock 'em and buy lunch.

You follow me?

- Yeah.

I think you were up

on that mountaintop too long.

Contrariwise, the traffic light

down the street hates my guts.

I don't know why.

But in the last six weeks...

I haven't caught anything

but a stop signal.

It makes me wait six seconds longer

than anybody else! I timed it!

Things like that happen

to lots of other people too.

But the other people

don't tell no other people,

because the other people

would say, "Hey-ey-ey-ey. "

Tennessee, that traffic light

is a lot of nuts and bolts.

This little car,

a lot of nuts and bolts.

Everything explains itself,

one way or the other.

- You're not listenin' to me.

- Don't lose your grip, old buddy.

This little car didn't do one thing

tonight that can't be explained...

in terms of short circuits, sprung

doors, grabbing steering, worn knuckles,

maybe some advertising gimmick.

I'll fix it.

- I don't think you got the picture.

- I got a beautiful picture.

This baby happens to have

an extra turn of speed,

which is the only thing

I care about.

You don't understand

what happens, do you?

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