The Love Section Page #2

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"Simply grooming"

your nose hairs?

See, this is why we didn't

work in the first place.

No, we didn't work because

you're a broke ass!

Excuse me?

Broke ass, you're excused.

Let me tell your

little cheap ass something.

You know what, next time...

Time out, folks.

Folks!

Chill.

Guess what? Guess what?

Guess what?

My dog just died. I gotta go.

(SANDRINE LAUGHS)

What dog?

Her name is Chris.

You ain't got no dog!

Not no more. The b*tch died!

She choked on a mother...

She choked on a frank.

Check, please.

(JOEL HUMMING)

Focus, buddy, focus.

It's okay, I'm about

to free my people

right now.

This is

the last game, bro.

Two out of three

ass-whoopings is enough.

I'm not trying to lose

your friendship

over no game, man.

Whatever! Chess gods are just

shining on you, that's all.

Hmm.

I'm about to get down here,

and talk to your pieces.

Y'all don't know each other,

but that's why

you always lose.

You know, the gods of love

shining on you

the other night, though.

What's up with

the cutie at 9:
00?

Oh, Sandrine! Yeah.

I'm gonna call her tonight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't look too thirsty,

you know what I'm saying?

Smart move!

Thank you.

Not that move.

Checkmate!

Oh! Damn, damn, damn!

So, what's the 411 on her?

Well, she's 20, in school.

And has a son.

Yeah, but he's not

in the picture.

He live in Africa?

No, he's in LA.

Then he's still

in the picture, man!

(JOEL GROANING)

Okay, what's up?

What's up?

So he's 32, huh?

He's a player in his prime.

How many kids?

No kids.

No kids?

Look, see, that ain't nothing

but selfishness.

And he's afraid to take

actual responsibility,

and I don't like it.

I don't like it.

Maybe he's just waiting

for the right woman, Steph.

Yeah, I wouldn't

bet on it.

So anyway, where does he work?

Or does he?

You are gonna overdose

on all that hate, right now.

No, seriously. Seriously.

I was just saying!

What?

He's a real estate agent.

She sounds perfect!

A perfect chick

on the side, man.

But not wifey?

Er, I mean...

Look, she has the looks

to be wifey.

You know what I'm saying?

But, I mean, she's 20,

you're 32, that's strike one.

Baby daddy is still lurking

loosely in the building, B!

That's strike two!

And lastly, she's still

in school which means

no dough.

That's strike three,

homey.

(SIGHS) Hmm.

Does he rent

or does he own?

Why?

He rents.

Give me my cup.

Give me my cup.

I'm not playing with you.

I'm serious, right there.

What?

Rent? Rent? Seriously?

What's that mean?

A real estate agent that

rents an apartment?

Do you want your drink or

do you want to know what

that means first?

I wanna know

what that means.

Super underachiever.

That's what that means.

Here.

Seriously,

that ain't right.

Thank you.

Look, I love you. I do.

But you acting like

I'm gonna marry this guy

tomorrow though.

Well, all I'm saying is

I don't want you falling

for another Jamal

on my watch.

See, 'cause I don't

have the time for it.

What are you talking about?

I met Jamal when I was 15!

Like, don't you think

I'm a better judge

of character by now?

(MIMICS) Don't you think

I'm a better

judge of character by now?

No! What I'm saying...

Look, perfect example, Troy!

Oh, boy.

Troy!

Okay, so I used to think Troy

was America's number one

deadbeat dad,

in the world.

But anyway, ever since

Jamal started coming around,

seriously, he makes Troy

look like Bill Cosby.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

No, no, no.

Jamal's trying.

Now, who's at the door?

Who you expecting?

Nobody! Who you expecting?

(SARCASTICALLY)

I don't know. I don't know.

Oh, speaking

of the devil.

Hey, Jamal.

What up? What up?

Why are y'all so quiet?

What? You been talking

about me again and stuff?

No!

(COUGHS) A little bit.

Whatever, Steph.

What's up?

Hey, how you doing? Why

you always acting so paranoid?

I am not paranoid,

just Scary Spice over here

gossip too damn much.

Anyway, um, just wanted

to give you this.

Thank you.

Yeah, so...

Junior's with my mom.

Oh, okay. Okay.

What you looking at?

Anyway, buy my little man

something nice.

And get yourself

something, too.

Thanks, Jamal.

All right.

Bye, Jamal.

(DOOR CLOSES)

I want Ali's first name,

last name, social security,

credit card number,

everything. Seriously!

I'm telling you, I've been

thinking about you

since we left the diner.

(SANDRINE LAUGHS)

You could've fooled me.

We met Sunday.

Today is what? Thursday?

Well, I figured since

you're in school and stuff...

Oh, yeah? Or is it

the three-day rule?

(LAUGHS)

No comment!

Look, Mommy,

Little Young Sheezy!

Hold on.

Mmm-hmm, it's

Little Young Sheezy, baby.

Go to bed.

Okay.

Bye.

Little Young Sheezy?

Yeah! You never heard of him?

No, I haven't.

How about

DJ Shorty Rap-a-lot?

(ALI LAUGHS)

DJ Shorty Rap-a-lot?

No.

I think I'm out the loop.

Well, what kind

of music do you like?

I like my classic hip-hop and,

of course, a little R&B.

Me, too.

Really? Okay, well,

give me your top five singers

of all time.

Top five singers, okay.

Um, Sade.

Aretha Franklin,

Mary J. Blige...

Um, Sade, Mary J. Blige,

Aretha...

Luther, Big and Little Luther.

And, um, who else?

Marvin Gaye.

Hmm, nice.

I thought I might hear Ray J

coming out of your mouth.

No, no, no.

All right, your turn.

Your top five emcees. Go!

Emcees? Whoa, you didn't

say rappers, you said emcees?

Okay, okay.

Yeah, it's a difference, and

if Heavy D is not on your

list, then I'm hanging up.

Hev D? Girl, what do you

know about Hev D?

You're like 20.

Yeah, my dad used to always

tell me I'm a old soul.

He used to?

Yeah, he passed away

two years ago.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Yep, just me,

myself and I.

Okay, Beyonce.

More like De La Soul.

So, I figured, um,

I'll bake a little chicken,

grill some corn,

some rice.

How does that sound?

Hello?

Sandrine? Hello?

Michael, I told you

ahead of time,

as soon as your offer to buy

the house was accepted,

you needed to get

those inspections.

Ali, all I care about

is my wife not telling me,

"I told you so"

about buying this house.

Now, I told her I got this!

That means, you got this!

All you got is me paying

a bunch of inspection fees.

I'm not paying, like, a what,

a physical fee, a roof fee,

a termite fee?

And my toilet?

My whole house?

This toilet got my whole

house smelling like diarrhea!

Didn't I tell you to get a

sewer scope inspection?

Come on, bro, I don't

remember that.

Michael, I told you

and I e-mailed you.

Ah, yeah,

but come on, Ali.

I told you, if there's

anything wrong, we can get

your purchase price lowered,

or get you credited

at closing.

(SIGHS) Ali.

Come on, man,

let me tell you something.

These inspections, man,

they cost like $250

and up!

Did you know that?

Yes, I know that.

And that's why I told you.

Otherwise, you end up

in your situation,

knee deep in sh*t.

You got that right!

Look, man, my wife's

coming through this door

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