The Love Section Page #3

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in about

five minutes, and when this

smell hits her, she's gonna

hit me in the back

of the head.

You understand? I'm dead.

You hear me?

Look, Michael, I got someone

that's pretty good and cheap.

Let me e-mail him and

I'll hit you back.

Okay, now, cheap,

Ali, that's what

I'm looking for.

A little bit of help.

All right?

Can you handle that?

Get me a deal, bro, please.

Get me a deal.

No worries.

All right, I'll be plungering.

I'm gonna have toilet water

all in my eyes, ears and...

Oh!

Oh, damn! Can you hear me?

Not the phone!

I'm telling you, Joel,

never do business

with friends. Never.

Who are you

talking about?

Michael.

Oh, man, that's...

Except for me, because not

only am I your friend,

I'm your best friend.

Yeah, but with

your jacked up credit,

there's nothing

to worry about.

Whatever, man.

Look, apartments for life.

Shall we play chess?

All right, man.

I only got about an hour, man.

I gotta be at the club

at 7:
00.

You coming through tonight?

Yeah, we'll be there

about 8:
00.

You and wifey?

Wifey?

(IN JAMAICAN ACCENT)

Easy, selector, hold tight.

I'm saying, man,

y'all been going strong.

It's been like a couple

of weeks now, right?

Yeah, but Angela's

not feeling it.

She texted me

five times today.

Hmm, that's why she's

the side chick, you know.

But, what's up with Sandrine?

I mean, you catching feelings?

I wouldn't say all that.

I'm just giving her

a good look.

A good look, huh?

(LAUGHS)

(JUNIOR CRYING)

Okay, Junior, please stop

crying. Mommy's coming.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)

Girl, where you at?

having a tantrum and

I'm trying to study.

All right, pops,

don't let that

young one get away!

Come on, she's

not that young.

Oh, what?

She was in the second grade

when we were seniors.

Whatever.

All right, man.

Get your ass locked up, man.

That girl is borderline

jailbait, yo.

You act like she's 12!

You met her kid yet?

No.

You hit it yet?

No.

You mow the lawn?

No.

Okay.

You all right?

Yeah, like I said.

I am just giving her

a good look.

Any tongue yet?

Yes! Now, can we please play?

All right. All right.

JOEL:
All right, man.

You ever saw that show

To Catch a Pervert?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

JOEL:
Yo, don't you hate it

when your

best friend falls in love

and then he gives you, lik,

"the best friend time out"?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Best friends are like

a married couple,

you know what am saying?

It's like... You be like,

"Hey, man, I'm not been

feeling good about

"our situation, so I

wanna talk.

"We haven't been playing

chess like we used to.

"Like, I call you, it takes

you a minute to call me back,

"like what's

going on, where are we

"where are we at in our

relationship?

"It's ridiculous."

I love Roscoe's.

Yeah, you know. Gotta

love the Roscoe's, right?

Yeah, well, hold it good,

so it doesn't spill out.

You know what?

Joel is gonna kill me

for missing

the show tonight.

We can go by there,

could swing by Joel's.

Yeah?

But you're gonna

miss dessert.

Dessert?

Yes.

Joel will be all right.

Let's make moves.

You're funny.

Want me to hold it?

Yeah.

I have a way with a woman

And when we

converse sometimes

I can feel her smiling

She swears

I can read her mind

I have a way with a woman

She says I can do no wrog

She calls me her darling

She swears

I am the words to her sog

She says ooh I love him

She says ooh I need him

She says ooh I want him

She says I have

a way with her

Aw, is this your mom?

Yeah.

You guys close?

Yeah, we're pretty close.

And when she

lies with me...

Always tells me,

"I am going to disown you

"unless you give me

some grandkids."

I understand that.

Do you want kids?

Yeah.

I mean, with the right woman

at the right time, of course.

Um, I'm cooking

dinner tonight.

If you're not too busy,

you should come by.

Hmm, sounds good.

I guess I passed the test?

Sure did.

You know I can't just

be having random men

around my son.

I hear you, sweetie.

I will be there starving.

Good.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)

You need to get that?

I have all I need right here.

Really?

Mmm-hmm.

Just you and I.

In the love section?

All day.

(VIDEO GAME GUNFIRE)

Hey, Junior.

Hey, Mom, do

you want to play?

You know I do, but first,

I want you to meet

my friend Ali.

Hey, there. How you

doing, Junior?

Put that down.

I am fine.

Yeah?

You like sports?

What you looking at me for?

You like football, right?

You can answer him.

What's your favorite

football team?

Me and my dad like

the Steelers.

I'm sorry.

Give that to him.

Oh, that's sweet, thank you.

That's really sweet.

I'll be right back.

All right. First impressions

are priceless.

SANDRINE:
Mmm-hmm.

Come on.

Okay, Junior, what do you

wanna say to Ali?

Thank you.

Oh, you're welcome.

Hey, can we play

the game sometime?

Okay.

Cool.

Now, it's time

for bed, okay?

You can play football

tomorrow.

Mommy loves you.

Get some rest.

Okay.

Say goodnight to Ali.

Goodnight, Ali.

Goodnight.

Did you just

bribe my baby?

I plead the Fifth.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

That's my mom. Come on.

I made her a plate.

You ready to meet my mom?

Hey, Momma.

Hey, doll face.

Oh!

Well, hello.

Hi.

Mom, this is Ali.

Ali, this is my mom.

You can call her

Ms. Darden.

Oh, wow. Nice to meet you,

Ms. Darden.

Ali, I've heard wonderful

things about you.

Sandrine wasn't lying,

you two can pass for sisters.

Thank you,

but I'm the mama.

JUNIOR:
Grandma!

Hi, Nana's baby.

See?

What you got?

Look, Nana,

I've been playing football.

And you know Nana wants

you to be a football player.

Where'd you get that?

From Ali.

Well, thank you, Ali.

Well, now I know this your

night-night time.

Did you just get up so you

can give Nana a hug

and some sugar?

Mmm-hmm.

Yes, well come on

and give it to me.

Night-night, okay?

Okay.

All right.

SANDRINE:
Good night.

So, do I have a plate?

Yes, I'll go get it.

I hear that you are

in real estate.

Yeah, about 10 years now.

Wow, that's a long time.

Yeah, it's a little crazy

sometimes but...

It gets crazy.

But the important thing is

you love it.

Mmm-hmm.

You know my mom

says the same thing.

"Never settle for less."

I like her.

Okay, you guys talked.

Got acquainted.

Well, it's all wrapped

and ready to go.

Yup.

Should've just

FedEx-ed this to me.

Just making me feel like

you're kicking me out.

Okay. Okay.

Okay, that's all right.

I get it. I'm leaving.

Call you in the morning?

Yes.

Love you.

I love you.

Love you, too.

Don't be a stranger.

Don't be strange.

Ma!

Call the police.

Ma!

Good night.

Good night, Mom.

Call me when

you're home.

Okay.

All right.

That's my mom.

It's all good.

Your mom

is pretty cool.

Yeah?

She liked you.

Really?

Yep.

How could you tell?

Because she said

don't be a stranger.

That's our code.

Ah!

I am gonna

check on Junior.

Okay.

And slip into something more

comfortable.

Ooh.

You know what that's

code for, right?

Mmm-hmm.

Okay.

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