The Love Section Page #6

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popping in my head like,

it was her like playing

the harp, man.

It was crazy!

So...

Yeah.

So, nothing?

No. But, it ain't

what you think though.

'Cause...

You ever tried Viagra?

No. No. I'm fine. I'm good.

You know what I'm saying.

I just, um...

I got to be honest. I keep...

Keep thinking, uh,

about my wife.

Right. Yeah.

No. I mean, it has nothing

to do with you. You...

I know. It's cool.

You've never been with

a celebrity before.

It's cool.

Yeah. Okay.

That's...

That's all right.

You know what, I gotta...

I gotta go.

So?

Y'all didn't...

Nothing?

Well, I did have

them jugs in my face.

I did do that.

But that's it, man.

Yo, and I felt so relieved

when I left.

And I know I say this

all the time, man,

but I love my wife.

Wow.

Well, I might need a couple

of these pornos, bro.

What?

Yeah, Sandrine broke up

with me last night.

Which...

What happened?

She came by

when I had this chick,

Becky, over.

Becky?

Yeah, you don't know her.

I met her at the 7-Eleven.

So what? What,

you got caught?

Not technically.

I wouldn't let her in.

Like I kept the top bolt

locked and...

You kept the top bolt locked?

What are you...

(SIGHS)

She did a pop-up.

I told you

about the pop-up, man!

(SIGHS)

I know.

So, what happened next?

(SIGHS)

Well, after I got Becky

out of there

I called her,

she came over and...

I tried to talk to her,

but she wasn't having it.

Of course not, man.

She's young, not dumb.

You know what,

though, man, I've been

thinking...

(SIGHS)

I'm just tired

of playing house.

The baby daddy...

Ms. Prick stressing me

out at work. I mean...

Yo, I just need

a break, man.

I'm sorry, man.

I mean, you good?

You all right?

Yeah, yeah. I'm...

I'm cool, man.

Look... Let's...

Get some burgers

over there...

Come on, man.

Yeah.

ALI:
There's no place

like home.

There's no place

like home.

There's no place

like home.

(SIGHS)

It worked for Dorothy.

Did you say something, baby?

Go back to sleep.

Will I find love again?

Or will I convince mysf

I'm still in love with yu

Don't say it's not forever

'Cause it will never ed

Don't say it's not forevr

Our love will never end

Don't say it's not forevr

'Cause it will never end

Don't say it's not forever

(ALARM CLOCK BUZZING)

(FAST-PACED

INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

Mr. Reese is here.

I'm... I'm so sorry

I'm late.

The 405, sir.

Traffic and...

Shh.

No reason to apologize to me,

Mr. Reese.

You had 30 minutes

of my time.

Then you made

the conscious decision

to waste 24 of those.

So, now you got

six minutes left.

Six minutes?

Yeah, six minutes.

Six minutes, like...

Six minutes, Doug E. Fresh,

you're on?

Ah, ah, on.

What?

On.

Mr. Reese.

(RATTLING)

Hey. Are you okay?

Uh... I've

seen better days, sir.

Let me give you some

valuable advice.

You know, something that

you can take with you.

Whenever you're meeting

with a potential client...

(ROARS)

...you don't tell them that

you've seen better days.

You now have

five minutes left.

Yes, sir.

(SIGHS)

Please, God,

get me through this.

Oh...

(CHUCKLES)

Okay, okay, okay.

out of the last four and

a half minutes that you

actually have here.

Your proposal points out how

African-American...

(ROARS)

...capitalizing on this

mortgage crisis that we're in.

With 80% being

African-American females.

My beautiful

black woman.

What are you saying?

That you would target

that market more exclusively.

Sandrine.

Come again?

The snoring,

pop-ups,

Junior.

Why did I

even mess with that?

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Mr. Reese, what the f***

are you talking about?

Are you here with me?

Come on, what are you saying?

Spit it out.

I just miss her

so much. I...

Right. Okay,

we're done here.

Thank you very much.

I don't have

time for this.

Whoa!

Wait. No, Mr. Johnson, uh...

Mr. Johnson, you

gotta believe...

I love her.

Oh, really?

Well, you wanna know

what I believe?

I really believe that you can

find your own way out

to the goddamn exit.

Have a good day, sir.

Wait. No...

I mean...

Mr. Johnson, I'm...

I'm serious.

It's so sincere.

Sleeping pills and Henny?

(LAUGHS)

I thought it was a glass

of water.

No wonder your ass

was bugging out, man.

Thanks a lot, bro.

Hey, that's what

I'm here for.

Now get up, bro.

Life goes on.

Life sucks.

Well, I'm sorry

it took you

first broken heart, man.

But, you ain't no different

than the rest of us, man.

We've all

had that feeling.

How did you handle it?

Cried like a baby

and beat off.

Beating off is your answer

to everything.

Yeah. That's what I've been

trying to tell you.

It's the key to life, man.

You need to start trying it.

(SIGHS)

I want her back.

You not gonna start crying

on me, is you?

Well, I miss her though.

Even little things, huh?

Yeah, I've been there, man.

Well, how do I

get her back?

Man, if you really wanna

get her back, man,

I'll help you.

But I mean, you gonna have to

shoot straight with her, man.

No more games.

No games?

What are you,

on her side now?

No, man. I'm just trying

to keep it real with you.

Oh, okay.

So, now that you're

porno-free,

you getting all

holier-than-thou on me.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, man.

I'm here trying

to help you, man.

That was a pivotal moment

in my life!

My bad. You're right.

You're right.

I'm just saying, man.

She's a good girl.

And they don't come around

that often.

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

What's wrong?

Ali?

Come on, Sandy.

Look, you got Junior,

you got school.

You got way too much

to deal with.

You got your mom.

And like honestly, for him

to be the older one,

he's not showing it.

At all.

And it's unfair.

I know.

I just trusted him and I...

Yeah, I get that.

I get that. We all trusted

someone at one time but

at the end of the day

he's lost. Oh, well.

Move on.

You don't have time

for his games.

Oh, we are late.

Look, what we gonna do...

We going to drink up,

and have a good time.

By a round of applause,

how many beaters we got

in the building?

Take it from me.

If you want a happy home,

become one with your

right hand.

You don't need help.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

You don't need Oprah,

you don't need Dr. Phil,

you don't need a therapi.

Just get your beat on.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

I'm drawing a flower.

You know they

say you always know.

You knew daddy

was the one?

When we first met.

(CHUCKLES)

It was that easy, Mom?

No, it's never that easy.

That's what I thought.

(MIMICS) When we first met.

Yeah, well. Hey, hey...

But you know, your father,

God bless his soul,

when we first

started dating,

he got on my last nerve.

Oh...

He did?

Oh...

But he had potential.

You know? We just had

to kind of like

smooth out some

of those rough edges.

You smoothed them out.

(LAUGHS)

Indeed I did. Indeed I did.

Yes. Yes.

But he was a good man.

Ali's been calling me

and texting.

I just haven't...

I don't know...

You not ready

to talk to him?

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