The Luck of the Irish Page #5

- Thanks, Mr. Fitzgerald.

- Every day I leave milk on-

Hello, Acme Employment Agency?

Uh, this is Mr. Fitzgerald-

Stephen Fitzgerald speaking.

Yes, I'd like to inquire about a manservant

that you sent up here to me.

That's right.

What do you know about him?

He came to us very highly recommended,

Mr. Fitzgerald.

Oh, yes. We've had him

in several positions.

Stealing?

No, sir.

You might consult his references.

I could give you the names,

if you'd like.

No, no. Never mind.

That won't be necessary.

Thank you.

You stole that milk, didn't you?

Why would I be doing

such a thing, sir?

I can think of one explanation...

but it would mean

I'd be losing my mind.

Have you ever seen this before?

- I'm a poor man, sir.

- Answer yes or no.

I've never seen it before

in all my life, sir.

There's one thing certain. You can't

stay here. You're too disturbing.

I'll give you a month's salary,

but you'll have to leave.

- Leave, sir?

- Yes. Right now.

Here, here. Stop that.

I said stop it, Horace!

I can't help it, sir.

I've displeased you, and I wanted so much

to serve you.

For heaven's sake, stop that crying.

The best master I ever had in my life,

and I've ruined everything.

- I'm a failure.

- All right, all right. I take it back.

You can stay.

Only stop that bawling!

I knew you didn't mean it, sir.

You'll never regret your decision.

The first thing you're going to do

is turn that milk back. Every bottle!

Yes, sir.

Every bottle of it.

Hello?

This is the Acme Employment Agency.

Is this Mr. Fitzgerald?

It is.

You don't say.

Well, I've changed my mind.

You may consider the matter closed.

You should have kept out of this bridge

traffic, Horace. I'm late as it is.

- There's plenty of time, sir.

- I have a very tight schedule today.

I have lunch with

Miss Augur at 1:
00.

I want you to pick me up at 2:00 sharp

and drive me to campaign headquarters.

After that, I have a press conference at the

office at 3:
00 and then the Women for Augur.

Ye-What women are they, sir?

The Women for Augur, a group

of public-spirited citizens.

What's the matter?

'Tis a slight indisposition

of the machine, sir. Nothing more.

You!

What are you gonna do,

spend the weekend?

Didn't you hear me blow the whistle?

What do you think you're doing here?

I stopped to admire the view.

What else?

None of your back talk,

or I'll run you in.

It would take you

and 10 more like ya.

Is that so?

Come on!

Get that car outta here!

- What might your name be?

- My name's me own affair.

- You don't say so!

- I've just said so.

Say, you have a sharp enough tongue

to be a Kerry man.

- Well, to tell you the truth, I'm from County Clare.

- County Clare, is it?

But I've relatives who live

by the Lakes of Killarney.

- You do indeed?

- I do indeed.

It's 30 years since

I left the old country.

- You don't say.

- Perhaps I know some of your people. It's likely I do.

No, you wouldn't- Simple, humble people.

Come on, Horace!

Do something!

Get out, all of you!

I can't wait around any longer, Horace.

I'm going to have to take a taxi.

May I suggest that

you take the subway, sir?

What you lose in dignity

you'll gain in time saved.

Very well. Put this thing back together and

pick me up at the restaurant at 2:00 sharp.

Yes, sir. I hope you enjoy

your lunch, sir.

- I'll give you a little push to the curb.

- Won't be necessary, thank you.

Lots of room for everybody.

- Move right in. Come on. Step lively.

- Quit your shovin'!

Step lively. Come on, hurry, please.

Step right in.

Yeah, one more. Come on. Step right in.

That's it. Over here.

Doors closing.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

You know how it is with the rush hour.

It's- I-It's just terrible here...

because the car goes around a turn.

- It's all right. L-

- And, you know-

- Pardon me. Let me brush your hat.

- That's all right. I have it.

- I'm terribly sorry.

- It's all right.

- And such a beautiful hat too.

- Thank you very much.

It is really beautiful.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Stand back. Let the people out!

Let 'em in, mister.

Plenty of room in the back.

Push on in back.

Plenty of room in the back!

Norah!

Norah! Norah.

You here!

It's- It's impossible.

- Oh, I didn't expect to see you.

- But you in New York- it's a miracle!

Oh, it's hardly that. There's

a perfectly reasonable explanation for it.

It's still a miracle.

A succession of miracles.

You see, my car broke down and I had

a very important luncheon engagement.

My chauffeur advised me

to take the subway.

It's the first time I'd been in one since

I got back to New York.

But if I hadn't taken that particular train,

I never would've found you.

Let's move up. Where are you staying?

How long have you been here in New York?

I can't answer everything at once, Stephen.

I've been here about a week.

- And you haven't called me.

- But I didn't know where you were.

I'm stopping with Taedy's Aunt Bridget's

cousin Mrs. Crimmins up the street.

- That's just not true.

- Oh, it is!

No, no, no. You. I mean your being

here in New York.

- Here, let me take those packages from you.

- Oh, thank you, Stephen.

- Oh!

- I hope there's nothing in there that'll break.

- How long are you going to be here?

- As long as my business takes me.

Take hold of my arm.

I don't want to risk losing you again.

You'd think it were something unnatural

and wonderful that I should be here.

- Well, it's wonderful, whatever else it is.

- Oh, wait, wait.

I promised little Dennis I'd bring him

some candy. How much is this?

- Fifty cents.

- Ah.

Half a buck.

Four bits.

I couldn't change that.

I just sent the boy out for some change.

- Stephen, would you mind?

- Yes. Hold it.

That's funny.

I could've sworn I had-

My man must've let me go out

without my wallet this morning.

- You couldn't change a doubloon, could you?

- No, not your lucky piece.

I'll wait for my change.

I was thinking of having my lunch.

Mrs. Crimmins's cousin's son-in-law

Cornelius has a bar and grill on the corner.

- You wouldn't care to join me, would you, Stephen?

- Oh, I'd like to, Norah.

Except that I have a very important

luncheon engagement...

and after that three or four conferences-

the usual thing.

Sure you have.

I won't press you.

Though I hate to eat alone.

Gee, I wish I could, Norah.

You...

wouldn't refuse me out of pride,

would you, Stephen?

Pride?

I don't quite underst-

- Gee, thanks!

- Here you are, lady.

Thank you.

Forgive me for speaking

of your affairs.

I could cut my tongue out for it.

- You mind if I change my mind and accept your invitation?

- Would you, Stephen?

I was never a man

to argue with miracles.

- Good, huh?

- Excellent.

Oh, no more for me, thank you.

Oh, now, Stephen,

you had hardly any at all.

'Tis me wife's own

Irish stew, sir...

and that light it wouldn't distress

a canary.

Well, just a very little bit.

Ooh!

A little bit.

- You'll have some beer with it.

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