The Luck of the Irish Page #5

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to make a pair of shoes,

and I don't want to be a leprechaun.

Oh, there's no use railing

against what you are, boyo.

If green's just not your color,

then why don't you

put your coin back on?

Or has your ma not told you,

It's the coin that

lets you pass for human?

Look. I don't have my coin.

all right? you do.

You took my real coin and switched it

with this fake one

so I wouldn't know about it.

I did no such thing, boyo.

And I'll not have you blacken me name

by saying I did. Huh!

I'll wager it's your ma who took it...

to turn you against me.

Oh, it's a traitor, she is...

and to her own people.

My mom doesn't have the coin.

She's changing faster than I am.

She's this tall.

Really?

[ TOUR GUIDE TALKING IN BACKGROUND]

Is it truly stolen?

Fine. None of your ma's tricks.

Oh, no. no. no. It can't be.

Why, without our luck,

the O'Reilly clan would start to--

Am I--Am I lookin' a bit green?

And me trousers could use a roll.

Now, why aren't you getting short

as fast as my mom did?

It's not easy for

an old man to change.

Well, what does Kyle's lucky coin

have to do with everybody turning

into a leprechaun?

It's not Kyle's luck.

It's the luck of the Clan O'Reilly.

It's all that's held us together

for a thousand years and more.

A thousand years of

invasion and oppression

and being forced from the land.

A thousand years of

stoney fields and famine,

saying good-bye forever

as you get on a boat for a distant shore.

and now, when we finally

made it here in America

and are just about to have all our luck,

You've lost it!

Well, why did I have to wear it?

Huh?

Why not you or Mom?

You're the youngest member

of the Clan O'Reilly,

and it's always the young

that have all the luck.

Uhh!

Oh, I might as well

go lie down in the gutter.

It's nothing but bankruptcy

and ruin for the O'Reillys

Now that our clan is out of luck.

Hey, luck isn't everything.

I mean, it wasn't luck

that built this factory.

Oh, a lot you know.

Ha ha ha.

And I might still be a short-order chef

if it had not been

for a bit of luck one day

when I sliced the spuds too thin.

Are you saying you invented

the potato chip?

That was over 100 years ago.

This is all my fault.

I mean, everything

was going great

until I started trying

to find out what I was.

Now I got red hair

and pointy ears.

I wish I never would've found out anything.

I wish I didn't have a heritage.

There must be something you could do.

[ IRISH FLUTE ]

If your coin was stolen,

you can go to the police.

Oh, yeah, and tell them

I'm a leprechaun,

and I've lost my luck?

Yeah, right!

Do you have to do that?

Of course I do.

I'm Irish.

That's how I manifest despair.

Kyle!

No! No! No!

[ FLUTE STOPS ]

I'm not Irish, I'm an American.

Look. maybe I wasn't the only person

that got robbed at that

LUCK OF THE IRISH thing.

You know, maybe they

already caught the guy who did it.

I'm sure we can talk to Seamus McTiernan.

What?

That petty-wagger?

That stage Irishman

with his neon shamrocks

and his heart-full-of-blarney rubbish?

Why didn't you tell me

it was at his show you lost your coin?

I would've known it was him

that stole our luck.

I didn't say it was him.

And who else would it be?

And him a far darrig,

as plain as I'm standing here.

[ BOTH ]:
A what?

Kate! Kate!

I can't find him anywhere.

I don't know where he is.

Da!

Kyle!

I know who took my coin.

it was Seamus McTiernan.

Granddad says he's like

a far darrig leprechaun.

He says they're all thieves and liars.

Oh, really?

No, O'Reilly.

Reilly O'Reilly.

And you must be Bobby.

Yeah.

[ KATE ]:
Don't believe

a word he says, Kyle.

It's he that took it to spite me.

Oh, and it'd only be giving you

what you deserve, Kathleen O'Reilly,

for daring to marry

outside the Little People.

But I swear on me mother's grave,

it wasn't me that--

Ooh!

[ KYLE ]:
Ma!

Don't be wasting your sympathy

on him, Kyle,

swearin' on his ma's grave,

and she still livin' in Sligo,

and healthy as a horse!

You are a fine one

to be callin' me a liar.

And did you not tell me

when you first met Bobby

that he hailed from the shores of Erie?

And you knowin' me ears

aren't what they used to be,

And I'd never guess you

meant some lake in Ohio.

You guys, that stuff's all in the past.

Can't you just forget about it?

Forget the past?

- Yes.

The important thing is

what's happening now, today.

All right, we've gotta get our luck

back before it's too late.

Well...maybe it's too late

to be objectin' to a marriage

and your boy all grown up now

like a man.

Well, I'll not be apologizing

for marrying Bob,

But I am sorry for the trouble

it caused ya.

Let bygones be bygones?

There's no time for formalities, boyo.

Seamus McTiernan is makin'

off with our luck.

Come on. Let's after the thief.

All right!

Oh...

Bonnie, look...I gotta go.

- I'm going with you.

Well, what about the Young Achievers?

They're supposed to be about

seizing opportunities.

How often do you get an opportunity

where you can help a clan

of leprechauns get their luck back?

[ ENGINE STALLS ]

Besides I only joined the Young Achievers

because my parents made me.

I really wanted to play basketball.

But they said the Achievers would look

better on a college application.

[ ENGINE CONTINUES TO STALL ]

I guess it's my car we'll be taking.

Fasten your seat belts...

and it'll be a bumpy ride.

So, uh...Grandda,

am I gonna grow a beard like that?

Oh, not for a good many years,

I'm glad to say.

Kyle?

Hey. Hey, Kyle.

I wasn't sure if--

Whoa. Check out those ears.

Hey. Are those real?

Are they getting worse?

Oh...

[ KYLE MOANS ]

Are you OK?

[ SIGHS ]

- What's going on?

I think we've got enough people

in the car already.

Hey. It's that guy

with the beard.

That's me grandda.

Kyle, it's not our way

to be tellin' the whole world all about us.

Would ya stop your jabberin'

and drive the car?

Can you not see

that the road is clear?

Mrs. Johnson?

Hello, Russell.

[ TIRES SQUEAL ]

Aah!

You wait here.

I'm gonna check this out.

Careful, Da.

Bobby. Bobby.

If you get into any trouble with Seamus,

try makin' a bet with him.

Ho ho. The far darrig all

go wild for gamblin'.

Thanks.

[ MAN ]:
Yeah, let's get

this thing set up, huh?

[ SECOND MAN ]:
All right.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

They're gettin' away!

Don't let him--augh!

Don't let him get away!

I saw it! There's a whole bunch of

gold coins in there! Come on!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

Ho...ho ho!

Ahhh!

Oh!

Aah!

Grandda!

Aah!

Oh, you better hang on!

Ha Ha! Ha ha ha!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Ha--Whoo!

[ BOB ]:
K-keep your head.

What are you trying to do?

Reilly, you're gonna get us killed!

Why don't you give me some of that

corned beef and cabbage there, Patrick?

I'm always happy to share a meal

with a fellow leprechaun.

May the road rise up to meet ya,

and may it be a slippery one.

Watch out! Aah!

[ LAUGHS ]

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