The Making of the Life and Death of Peter Sellers Page #3

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You know. Big ones.

And little ones. Always hoping

that the next one will be the right one.

I lost weight, I bought new clothes.

I changed my radio job for a film career.

I changed my marriage into a divorce.

Nothing makes me happy

the way I'm supposed to be happy.

One can't be happy if one's lonely.

The spirits are telling me

that there will be

many pretty ladies in your life.

You see, Peter...

You don't mind if I call you Peter?

No.

You like pretty ladies.

You're quite a perceptive man, Maurice.

Hello, ladies.

Yes, it is me.

A very good day to you, sir.

Welcome to our showroom.

It's absolutely delightful.

As you can see,

we do have all the latest models.

- This is a sporty little number.

- Superb.

Or perhaps something more along these lines.

- Big grille on this one.

- Oh, yes, I have one myself, sir.

- May I?

- Please.

The Germans are amazing, aren't they?

How about engine noise?

She'll growl when you're hard on the floor, sir.

Rest of the time, silent as a kitten.

So, what will it take

to get sir into one of these today?

A test drive.

Emma, how fast d'you run the quarter mile?

- Honestly, Mr Sellers.

- Thank you, Emma. That'll be all.

Blake Edwards. He's shooting

a David Niven movie in Rome and Switzerland.

Starts filming next week. Wants you.

Next week? He obviously

hasn't wanted me for that long.

It's a supporting part.

Peter Ustinov's pulled out.

Oh, well, yes, of course I'll do it.

Any part not good enough for Ustinov

is perfectly fine for me.

- Peter...

- I'm not taking Ustinov's sloppy seconds!

I won a f***ing British Academy Award,

for God's sake!

Are you going to overreact or listen

to why your smart agent wants you to do this?

Apparently, I'm going to overreact.

God.

Blake Edwards is the hottest director

in Hollywood right now.

Days Of Wine And Roses,

Breakfast At Tiffany's.

He can get anyone he wants.

And, Peter, he wants you.

United Artists are putting

a lot of weight behind it.

It's going to get very wide,

very international release.

You may be a star in Britain, but the folks

in Duluth have never heard of you.

Well, we're even. I've never heard of Duluth.

It's in the United States.

That Duluth.

It's called The Pink Panther.

It sounds like a bloody strip joint.

For poofs.

Please. Try mine.

Excuse me, but aren't you Peter Sellers?

Not today.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to make

our final approach into Rome International.

Please take your seat, sir.

Please ensure your seat belts

are fastened and your seats are upright.

I'm looking for my tru-ung.

- Your tru-ung?

- What?

- You said "tru-ung"?

- I know perfectly well what I said.

Right. I don't understand.

Are you not familiar

with Her Majesty's tu-ung?

Yes, I am.

And I can assure you the word "tru-ung"

does not exist in our language.

Then I demand to speak

to the person in charge.

- I am the person in charge, sir.

- Then I demand to speak with you.

- You are speaking to me.

- Of course I am speaking with you.

What kind of a crazy stewardess thinks

a passenger stands, speaking with himself?

What kind of a passenger puts lives at risk

just before a landing?

Our lives are at risk?

Our lives are not at risk.

Now sit down and belt up.

I'm getting completely lost.

Lost?

Yes, we have a slight state of emergency.

French twa...

I want you to go very quietly

and spik with the peelot.

- Peelot?

- What?

- You said "peelot".

- I know very well what I said.

I have a funny feeling we might be

landing in Rome sooner than we think.

You be careful, Mr Sellers.

Carol, our guest has arrived.

Will you take his coat, please?

And he also looks a little thirsty, Gill.

Ah, yes, Switzerland. Of course.

Hi. Blake Edwards.

Running things on a shoestring, I see.

- Welcome to Hollywood.

- This is Italy.

Hollywood is a state of mind.

I've got one or two ideas about Clouseau.

Couple of bits...

Peter. The script will be shot as written.

- Yes, but in the bedroom scene...

- I mean it.

Look at his...

OK. You look great. Let's shoot this.

This is where we introduce Clouseau

and we tip off the audience

that your wife is David's mistress.

We're in a hurry.

We only have Niven until two o'clock

so we'd like to get it in one take. Ready?

OK. He's only got one line.

Keep him in the frame, whatever he does.

Henri, you wanna take your mark?

- OK.

- 192. Eight, take one.

Action.

We must find that woman.

Is that what you said?

Tell me you got that.

Testing. On the set of

The Pink Panther in Gstaad, Switzerland,

with Peter Sellers.

Peter, how are you able

to inhabit your characters so successfully?

Well, you see, I don't really have

any personality of my own.

There used to be a me behind the mask

but I had it surgically removed.

I don't know. If I didn't have characters

like Clouseau, I don't know who I'd be.

Perhaps I'd be you.

But then if I were you, who would you be?

You.

That's very good.

So, word is, you're stealing this movie

from David Niven.

No, no, that's ridiculous.

This... this is such a team effort.

David Niven is one of the cinema's

most distinguished leading men.

One can learn a lot from people

like that, you know.

Terrific, Blake. Talk tomorrow about that.

Good show. The Frogs will never

forgive you. Well done.

- Thank you, David.

- Genius.

I'm not supposed to tell you but United Artists

already wants a Clouseau sequel.

- Who's directing?

- Oh, probably some hack.

- I'm dead f***ing serious.

- Peter, relax.

- You're not suggesting you would?

- What?

I was bloody awful up there. If that's what you

get out of me, I don't want to repeat it.

- You blame me for your performance?

- You agree I was awful?

- I thought you were brilliant!

- What the f*** do you know?

Peter, we're all going out.

You just have to come.

Ah, hello.

- Yung Hi.

- So Mi.

Oh, that's so you.

I knew there was a pronoun involved.

Blakey, aren't you coming?

Crowds continue to flock

to see The Pink Panther.

One avid patron, waiting in line

to see the film for the third time,

was heard to remark, "I love foreign films.

"Peter Sellers is my absolute

favourite French actor. "

Peter. Oh, you've got a hit.

You shouldn't be here.

- How long has he been like this?

- Since last Monday.

You didn't tell me.

Pete...

Peg said you couldn't come.

Well, I'm here now, Dad.

Pete...

Bloke in the next bed...

I promised him your autograph.

- I'll get right onto that, Dad.

- Yeah. He'll like that.

I told him...

my son...

who's a special boy...

No. No, let him rest now.

Let him rest.

The reporters. They'll want some remarks.

You didn't call me.

Hello. Is Mike there?

Do you know when he'll be back?

All right. No, it's... Bye.

- Is Harry there, please?

- It's Harry. How are you?

I'm fine. I'm looking after Mike.

I thought you might like to pop over for a beer.

Oh. Oh, is that today? I forgot, yeah.

- Why don't we say Monday?

- Er, right.

- Ying ton, mate.

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