The Making of the Life and Death of Peter Sellers Page #6

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And my Peter is a strong climber.

Real stars don't have time for tears.

Can I get you anything, my darling?

Oh, Peter.

There's nothing you could have done.

It's not your fault.

"It's not your fault.

"There's nothing you could have done."

- Oh, Peter, stop it.

- "Oh, Peter, stop it. Stop it, Peter."

Christ, woman, can't you say anything real?

First of all you can't act, then you can't stop.

- You...

- Just shut up!

- You bastard!

- Am I? Am I?

- You've no idea.

- F*** you!

No! F*** you!

You hit me with me mum.

F*** you, Peter!

F*** you and your mum!

Mama, mama, mama, mama.

Pretty num-num.

Oh, dear.

Well, Mr Sellers,

what would you like to look like?

Why, Doctor, I'd like to look like you.

You know how they clean theatres?

They put on one of my films.

It's so easy to hoover between empty seats.

Now I've found something I really want to do

and I can't get anyone to give me the cash.

I've read this ten times in the last year.

The main character is a man with no self.

No discernible personality.

I find myself thinking

about this man a great deal.

About how sad he is?

No, about how marvellous his life must be.

He has no future, no past, no responsibilities.

He's simple, boring, an absolute blank.

People expect nothing from him

and love it when they get just that.

This is going to be my next film.

- Are you absolutely sure about that?

- Absolutely.

Cos you do have a choice, you know.

- Have you read it?

- I've made some notes.

I think it could be very funny.

I don't like choice, Maurice.

You're so full of doubt.

How can we make that doubt go away?

We know, don't we?

Peg? Peg, can you hear me?

Peg sees you, Peter.

Hello, Peg.

I love you, Peg.

What do you need from me, dear?

I don't know what to do next.

My heart's been troubling me.

And I think, I think my mind...

Peg's here.

She's always with you, Peter.

Now I've had a look at your heart

and your heart's fine.

Now what you need to do is work.

You give so much joy

to so many people, Peter.

I can see it from here.

Do it for me, for your mother.

Do another Pink Panther.

Are you sure, Peg? Are you really sure?

Lt'll be a huge hit.

And that'll give you the power

to make Being There.

I hear this one's not coming

to a theatre near me.

The studio deemed

its box-office potential as limited.

Then I suppose this comes

at just the right time.

I could never be this broke.

It wasn't easy for me to come here, Peter.

Why, did your limousine break down?

I considered making you kiss my ass.

Not after that script's been through it.

Still the funniest bastard around.

Look, Peter, I didn't come out of desperation.

I think it's a good idea and I can't do it

without you. You need the money, I don't.

And I don't need the aggravation

that you're gonna bring me.

What if I told you to f*** off?

I'd say your ex-wives will be

disappointed in that attitude.

- F*** my ex-wives.

- I have.

Now I know why you divorced 'em.

Blakey! You are the only

son of a b*tch who really understands me.

- God. I love you.

- I love you, Peter.

How sad is that?

This script could be terrific.

We'll give it the Sellers-Edwards touch.

- I've got lots of ideas.

- We start shooting in six weeks.

Better make it eight.

Peter... I'm calling the shots here.

Darling! Over here!

This is sure to be another

stunning success. How does it feel?

- Well-deserved, I can assure you.

- Thank you.

Hello, Blakey. Is this going to be

your usual load of rubbish?

Hello, my dear friends.

Thank you for coming out tonight.

I have something I'd like very much

to say to you all.

We would not all be here

if it were not for the efforts of one man -

one man whose vision you will soon

see writ large on the silver screen.

I am of course referring to Mr Blake Edwards.

Get him up here, folks.

Come on, Blakey. Up you come.

Jolly good.

- Come on!

- Thank you!

Thank you!

Let me tell you something about this man.

He is absolutely talentless.

No, but seriously, no one - and I repeat that -

no one has managed to do so much,

having so very little.

Give me that.

People ask me

why I compromise my artistic integrity

by walking in front of Blake's cameras.

You know what I tell them? Money.

It's true.

That and the knowledge that

no matter how bad the picture is,

I'll always be the best thing in it.

- Thank you.

- Oh, look, he's bashful, folks.

Why shouldn't he be?

In an industry that worships mediocrity,

you, Blake, truly have added new lustre

to the term "middling talent".

So enjoy the show... if that's at all possible.

I...

I knew we should've gotten Ustinov.

The ambitious Sellers

presents a portrait of determination.

You've reached the home of Peter Sellers.

Mr Sellers is unable to take your call,

as he is off leading a normal life.

Please leave your message

after the series of tones.

Oh. Hi, Dad, it's me, Mike.

I tried you on the phone but Sarah

thought you might be in Switzerland.

Anyway, Mum told me about the operation,

the pacemaker and everything.

That must be fun.

I know how you like gadgets.

Well, anyway, I hope you're, er, you're OK.

Right, take care, Dad. Bye.

I'm just an old, salty sea dog.

Peter, are you in there?

Will you give me a goddamn break already?

You know something, Sellers,

you are a major league pain in the ass.

Peter!

Was he difficult? He was the star -

of course he was difficult.

You know who's not difficult? Troy Donahue.

Christ. I need a smoke.

I worked with Sellers for what,

20 years, on and off?

Six movies.

I never laughed so hard.

I never cried so hard.

The last straw?

There were endless last straws.

You say, "last straw",

five seconds later you're saying, "Action".

I can't explain it. It was like watching a cobra.

You're mesmerised.

What did he do after me?

The only thing he never gave up on.

They all wanted me to be a clown.

They'll pay me millions to be a French,

mustachioed, karate-chopping twit.

But this is so much more.

What do you want to do, Peter?

Isn't that what I just asked you?

Oh, shut up.

Yowser.

Ain't you the gentleman this mornin'?

I'm gonna go now.

Yes.

You're gonna need somebody.

You oughta find yourself a lady, Chance.

Guess it oughta be an old lady,

cos you ain't gonna

do a young one any good.

Not with that little thing of yours.

You're always gonna be a little boy, ain't you?

Bye, Chance.

Bye, Louise.

'Scuse me. 'Scuse me.

Aren't you Peter Sellers?

- Yes, I am.

- Would you mind?

Thank you. Thank you very much. I mean,

you... you were... the man. That's it.

You're always gonna be a little boy,

ain't you?

Bye, Chance.

Bye, Louise.

Mr Edwards.

Pardon me, but have you seen Mr Sellers?

No, and he's 20 minutes late. Did he call?

No. He's here.

I think maybe you should see him.

Peter?

You can't come in here.

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