The Man Page #2

- Pardon me?

- There's your taste.

- That's my taste?

Wait for our call.

Hey!

What?

He's got a gun.

No no, this is not...

No no no, it's not my gun.

It's the man that

was sitting here he j... he just left.

Oh oh!

He's got a gun, man!

It's going back in the bag.

Back in the bag.

- Drop the gun!

- Ah!

- Drop the gun! Now!

- Yes.

- Yes, the gun's going down.

- Drop it!

The gun is going down.

Gun is down.

- Gun is down.

- Just shut up.

All right. Ah!

You picked the wrong day to pull

a stick-up, dickwad.

It's not my gun.

Some guy gave it to me.

- What guy?

- Some guy. He gave me a bag,

- and he said, "Taste it. Taste it."

- He said what?

- Something about a taste.

- Tell me what he said,

exactly word for word

what he said.

He said, "That's your taste,"

but there was nothing to taste,

just a phone and a gun.

Look, I just went in for a cof...

- Oh sh*t. They think you're me.

- They think I'm black?

No, they don't think

you're... A.T.F.

You're coming with me.

What? I have done

nothing wrong!

- Well, Simon?

- It's coming.

All right, I got him.

"Fiddler, Andy.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin."

He's not federal, he's not

local, no law enforcement.

- No sheet. He's clean.

- Yeah, he's too clean.

- Screw him.

- No, wait a minute.

"Istanbul, Turkey.

Customs.

- Trafficking."

- Turkey? He do any time?

- Interpol shows an outstanding warrant.

- He got away from the Turks?

No sh*t. This guy's gotta be

smarter than he looks, huh?

Well, he can't be

any dumber than he looks.

So what's this guy

look like?

Well, he, uh...

he had very good teeth.

- What does he look like?

- He looks good. He looks good.

He had a very nice face,

very handsome face.

He was a very

attractive man.

N... not to me.

Uh, I mean, I am married

to a woman.

And even if I wasn't married,

I don't mean that kind of attractive.

Personally,

- he was not attractive to me.

- Describe him to me.

Short hair.

Short hair

which made his head

look smaller than it actually is,

and I only mention that because I've

been told my head is somewhat large,

and when I looked over at his,

it's like... you know when you look

through binoculars the wrong

way, it-it-it looks...

That's you.

Answer it!

Hello.

- Turk.

- Just a moment, please.

- Can you believe this?

- He wants to talk to the Turk.

- That's you.

- That's me?

- That's you.

- I'm the Turk?

Look at you.

This is the Turk.

Okay, listen, Turk.

When this phone rings, you answer it.

- You understand?

- Yes, I answer it.

- You and you alone. Are we clear?

- Me and me alone, right.

Great. Now listen, you put

the package in the trash can

on the northwest corner of Fort

and Woodward in five minutes.

- Hello.

- So what did he say?

Something about a package

and a trash can.

Look, I have nothing to do

with this. I'm here for a convention.

I don't give a sh*t.

Now what trash can?

Fort and Woodward.

Whoa!

Take this package,

put it in that trash can,

and you can go.

I should point out

to you, sir,

that I am taking

a mental picture of you

just in case there's...

any... trouble.

Hey, you know what?

Th-this... this is not for you.

Who's it for?

Well, it's... it's,

uh, for somebody else.

- Who?

- Just someone.

- Someone you don't know.

- Try me.

No, I'm not trying you.

This is not garbage, okay?

This is business,

so just please

don't touch it.

All right,

give me the bag.

- Give me the bag.

- Oh, Jesus.

It's not your bag.

See what he's doing?

- He took my bag.

- Who is this guy?

- This bag is mine! It's not his.

- Damn!

Okay okay.

What is the matter with you?

- Just let me go. All right.

- Get up. Get up!

- Get in the car. Get in the car!

- I think we should...

We should look

for another can.

What the hell is

the matter with you?

I ask you to do one thing,

and you screw it up.

- Hello.

- What the hell's the matter with you?

I ask you to do one thing,

and you screw it up.

Yes, well, this was

not planned well.

No no, listen, Turk.

You know what?

You just bring the package

to First and Bagley

and wait there.

So what did he say now?

Hey, get back here!

Excuse me.

Now you pay.

Get off my car!

Get down! Oh man,

he's got a gun! Ah!

Ouch!

Ouch! Ouch!

Ow! Oh! Ow!

Oh, boy! Oh!

Ah! Ah!

Ow ow ow ow!

9-1-1.

What's your emergency?

- Yes, hello, I've been shot.

- Can you give me a location?

- I don't know. Downtown.

- Where downtown, sir?

A man in a black car

kidnapped me.

Do you have

a license plate number?

Yes, just give me

a second.

"347DNB." Hurry.

I just called 9-1-1,

- and you are in serious trouble.

- Get up.

- You shot me.

- I grazed you.

Well, that's still

shooting me!

- Watch your ass.

- Ow ow ow ow!

You could have

killed me back there.

If I wanted to kill you,

you'd be dead.

I wanted to graze you, you're grazed.

It was a training bullet.

Well, I'm bleeding, although you might

call it "training blood."

Here, use this.

Taco sauce?

Yes, it's a natural

antiseptic.

Sprinkle some of that on your ass

so you don't get an infection.

Yeah, well, I don't even

wanna know how you discovered that.

So what, you keep

this in your glove compartment and just

splash it on a salami sandwich

and then splash some on your behind?

Use it or don't use it.

It's your ass.

You got any guacamole in there?

I hear it makes a great cold compress.

- Just put it back!

- All right, I'll use it. I'll use it.

Don't you have

traffic to look at?

Oh, sh*t.

You gotta be kidding me.

Get out of the vehicle

with your hands in the air!

Get out of the car

and show me your hands!

Turn around!

Hands on your head!

- No no no no no, I'm not with him.

- Your hands!

I don't know him!

He just...

he... he...

he kidnapped me.

He took me

against my will.

He... look. You see?

He wanted to put

taco sauce on my butt.

The guy is nuts.

Nuts.

- Hands!

- Run my plates!

You! Back in the car.

- Your hands!

- You wanna see my hands?

Here.

Federal agent.

Run my plates!

- The car is federal, sir. A.T.F.

- That's right.

Federal agent.

Federal prisoner.

Back in the car!

You are interfering

with a federal investigation.

Move your asses!

That was fun.

Give this to him

and walk away.

Hey. If you try

to run this time,

I'm gonna put a bullet

in part of the ass you really need.

Ooh-ooh! Oh!

So you like the merch?

- The merch?

- The merch.

Well, you know,

there are days

that I like it

and days that I don't.

It depends.

I'm on the fence.

- Do you like the merchandise, Turk?

- Yes, I do...

like the merchandise.

I, uh...

thanks for asking.

So there's gonna be

20 grand in there, right?

In the bag.

Come on.

Good.

Good first step.

We'll be in touch.

And, uh,

one more thing, Turk...

No more fruitcake

stuff, okay?

- Sure.

- Good. Goodbye.

Get in the car.

- Why?

- I'm not done with you yet.

- You said I was done.

- I lied. I do that.

- Now get up. Get in the car.

- No.

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