The Man from Earth: Holocene Page #2

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- Yeah? Come on, I'm waiting on you.

- Have a great class, Professor.

- You too, babe.

We're all burning.

Every one of us.

Burning with desire.

We're burning with a fire caused

by what the Buddha called

"the three poisons."

Greed, anger, ignorance.

Except he taught us

that we can fix this.

We can turn them around.

And greed becomes generosity.

Anger becomes compassion.

And ignorance becomes wisdom.

There are miracles around us

all the time, he said.

The fact that we are here, together,

in this room, is a miracle.

JOHN:
- Yeah?

- Isn't the Buddha kind of a hypocrite?

I mean, sure, he gave up all worldly goods,

his father's money,

told us all to live a life of restraint

and then he ended up, like, super fat.

(LAUGHTER)

Like crazy fat, like, come on, dude.

You're talking about those statues

you see in Chinatown, right?

- Yeah.

- The Buddha

depicted in those statues he's Asian, right?

Right.

- So...

- It's not the Buddha.

Boom.

- What-what do you mean?

- Well, think about it.

Siddhartha Gautama was an Indian.

From Nepal.

A Chinese monk came to India,

became a Buddhist, went home

and started spreading the religion.

The Chinese mixed in Taoism.

Their monks introduced

the head shaving, the robes,

the fat, happy Buddha named Hotei.

The actual Buddha was a regular man,

with a normal body and a full head of hair.

But he was a god.

No, never claimed to be.

Just a man who thought long and

hard about the human condition

- and achieved enlightenment.

- Like Jesus.

Only without the long blond hair

and blue eyes.

(LAUGHS)

Uh, but Jesus wasn't just a man.

No?

He claimed to be the son of God.

He died, and was resurrected.

So we know he was divine.

You know, or you have faith?

You can only know what you can prove.

God is beyond proof, logic or reason.

You can believe in God

or Jesus through faith

but that's different from knowing.

I know that Jesus existed;

there's historical evidence of that.

And, uh...

I have faith that he was divine.

Aquinas said faith is a divine act

supernaturally bestowed.

"Ask and ye shall receive."

Kierkegaard, on the other hand,

said that we must leap to faith.

It's an act you must choose to perform.

Kierkegaard was more demanding.

Okay, he was sick of people

sitting around talking

about religion all day and

not doing anything about it.

I hope he didn't mean this class, though.

(LAUGHTER)

JOHN:
But, uh,

weren't we supposed

to be talking about Buddha?

They had a lot in common, Jesus and Buddha.

How so?

Well, there's a lot of overlap

in their philosophies.

They both taught that golden rule

that we should be charitable

and not judge others.

But the Buddha said you shouldn't believe

in something just 'cause

it's written in scripture.

The whole premise with Jesus

is to accept on faith.

That's a pretty huge difference.

Also the purpose of suffering.

Jesus suffered for us.

While the Buddha's whole thing

was to eliminate suffering.

Eliminate desire.

Which is what causes suffering.

I know. I listen. I was listening.

(LAUGHTER)

Okay. Next time, we will

cover the path to Nirvana

and we will wrap this

semester up with Jainism.

It's like Buddhism, but less fun.

Jain women have to be reborn as men

to achieve enlightenment.

Ugh.

We all know it should be

the other way around.

(MILD LAUGHTER)

Thank you.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- Great lecture.

- You never use any notes or anything.

- You just, like, know all this stuff.

- I've been at it a very, very long time.

So, in honor of wrapping up the unit,

we're having a Buddhist vegetarian dinner.

- Think you could come?

- Um... Thank you, but I don't think so.

Busy?

I appreciate the invitation.

Oh, and for what it's worth,

the Buddha ate meat.

He never said you had to be a vegetarian.

He just didn't like to see animals killed.

Well, who does?

But you know, bacon.

Bacon donuts.

Best invention ever.

Mm-hmm. (CHUCKLES)

Bye.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- I have not seen it.

- Oh, you haven't seen it? - No.

- Everybody's seen it.

- I am not... No.

(CHUCKLES) All right, so...

So, is he coming?

Uh, Isabel can work on him.

Right?

I can try.

I can't believe his class is almost over.

- I know.

- Hm?

You know, and next semester, he's teaching

lame Abrahamic

and Zoroastrian religions again.

There's nothing lame

about Abrahamic religions.

- Well, you know what I mean. It's just that...

- He needs some new classes.

He should do Hellenistic.

Uh, yeah, Zeus and Herakles and what-not.

That'd be cool.

Yeah, the only problem is he...

He only does real religions, Liko.

Huh! You don't think the Greeks

and Romans were on to anything?

Christians got half of their stuff

from the Pagans.

Or do you need to take

World of the Early Church again?

Guys, we need to focus on what's important.

Getting Professor Young to come to dinner.

There's just so much

in that guy's head I want to get at.

Me, too.

And... Well,

how do we get him to come?

I think Tara probably has a few ideas.

- Don't be gross, Liko.

- Leave her alone, man.

- You going to that Delta Psi party?

- Ugh. Those guys are animals.

Yeah.

(LOUDLY) Party animals.

(CHUCKLING)

Liko, what're you, five?

Um, no, I do not need to get

drunk on a Wednesday night.

Thank you.

With a bunch of boys.

Your loss. I'm going.

Saint Philip?

Uh, well, Saint Philip has

Bible study on Wednesdays.

You have no short-term memory, do you?

I don't know.

What was the question?

(LAUGHTER)

- John, I'm glad I caught you.

- Dr. Parker. Did we have an appointment?

I got to share this with somebody,

and you're the only one I

know that can appreciate it.

I got this at a garage sale last weekend.

It's a 75 year old bottle

of single-malt scotch.

Wow!

I paid entirely too much for it,

but the story...

This woman's husband brings it back

from Scotland in the sixties,

and they've been saving it

for a special occasion.

And saving it, and saving it...

And the special occasion never came.

- And he died a couple of months ago.

- Ooh.

Now she's selling his stuff

and moving to Costa Rica.

- Naturally.

- But here's the kicker:

we get home and we get a

message from Kitty and Ron.

The baby came.

I'm a grandfather.

Congratulations, Gill. Fantastic.

(CHUCKLES)

- Special occasion?

- Yes. Indeed.

(GIL SIGHS)

(BOTTLE CLATTERS)

- To my grandson.

- Hear, hear.

(MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND)

Oh, my...

- That is...

- Terrible.

I don't know if I've ever

tasted anything quite like that.

Just goes to show

that nothing lasts forever.

Even the whiskey spoils.

Who knew?

Ugh.

(SHOT GLASS CLATTERS)

A grandson, John.

On one hand, it's incredibly invigorating.

On the other, it means...

- I'm so old.

- No...

Yes. Each day, as he grows,

learns to walk, learns to talk...

It means I'm getting

one day closer to death.

Another drink?

- What the hell?

- Yes.

(SIGHS)

Jesus! That's awful.

(CHUCKLES)

Ugh.

Now...

I'm not getting maudlin.

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