The Man from Earth: Holocene Page #4

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No wonder.

Okay, but he did his research.

Found out that the John Oldman he knew

didn't exist until 2001.

No mention of him anywhere.

His references, driver's license, W-2.

Everything turned out to be fake.

Jenkins even tracked down two previous

colleges where he'd taught

under different names.

John Magdel and John Permian.

Magdel?

Magdelanian?

I have no idea what Permian is.

The first Great Extinction,

250 million years ago.

Mm, yeah.

They both also had fake references,

and left abruptly after about ten years.

And their descriptions,

John Oldman, John Magdel,

John Permian, are virtually identical.

Okay, Oldman's DMV records

somehow vanished two days after he did.

I mean, Google him now,

the only reference is this book.

If this Oldman guy is real,

he makes his past disappear

every time he changes identity.

Makes sense. Million years old, staying

under the radar, you gotta keep moving.

Philip, we're not trying to offend you.

No.

I'm not offended.

No, I know.

It's just, you really believe.

Yeah. Okay, look.

I know the Earth isn't flat,

I know it's more than 6,000 years old.

But I believe that a man named Jesus

lived and died for our sins.

Um, Philip.

You know there are millions and millions

of people who don't believe

in Jesus Christ's divinity.

I mean, Jews, Hindus, Wiccans, plenty more.

Wiccans...

Um... Yes, but that doesn't

mean they're right.

Some people believe

the Galactic Dictator Xenu

brought his people to earth and

hid them in volcanoes, so...

The point is, Jenkins' book is just a story.

Now, if I could allow

my faith to be shaken by the

fantasies of a disgruntled college professor

then I'm not much of a Christian, am I?

So...

Jenkins writes a book about John Oldman.

Fine, whatever.

What's this got to do with any of us?

Show him.

I found this book at Professor Young's.

Read the inscription.

"To my dear friend John Oldman."

Right?

So...

Professor Young and John

Oldman knew each other?

Yeah.

Okay.

What if Professor Young

actually is John Oldman.

Well, how do you make that leap?

Are there any pictures?

Okay, well, Jenkins talks

about several times when

Oldman conspicuously avoided

having his picture taken.

Turning around, stepping behind someone,

answering a phone call that

no one ever heard ringing.

Whatever, just to avoid being photographed.

To Jenkins' knowledge, the only

existing picture of John Oldman

was taken in 2006 at a barbecue.

Huh.

Mm.

Wait, so, if...

Professor Young is Jesus Christ returned,

then that means we're in...

The End Times.

TARA:

But if Jesus never left,

then he's not "returned."

He's just...

here.

(IMITATES EXPLOSION)

Cool. I'm hungry.

Tara, wanna go get something to eat?

Yeah, sure.

What?

I found an email for Jenkins.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

What do we got, Betsy?

Well, look at that.

I think we've got lunch.

(GRUNTS)

Nice.

Uhh.

Keep it.

And there's another beauty.

All right, Betsy. Let's go.

Come on.

Come on.

(BETSY OINKS)

(WHISTLING)

Come on.

(GRUNTS)

These are for me.

Mm.

Smell good, too.

Okay.

Let's go make that move.

(SNIFFLES)

Ah.

Okay.

(GRUNTS)

Let's see, let's move this knight.

There we go.

(COMPUTER CHIMES)

Oh.

What's this?

"...The Longest Night

and found it fascinating.

Would you be willing to speak

with me about John Oldman?"

(CHAIR CLATTERS)

(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

Dear Miss Chang...

Why don't you and John Oldman...

go straight to hell?

(COMPUTER CHIMES)

God dammit!

(BETSY OINKS)

Why don't they leave me alone?

Oh.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Hey, come here,

don't run away. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to frighten you.

(ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(BIRDS AND CRICKETS CHIRPING)

- I'm not so sure about this anymore.

- It was your idea.

I know, but I work for Professor Kittriss.

And now I'm feeling really violatey,

you know?

- So let's go home.

- But I feel like I want to know, you know?

So, let's keep going.

- Ugh, I wish Jenkins was more responsive.

- I wish he was less a dick.

- God, it's just so... I...

- Okay, do you want proof or not?

- Photos, something?

- Mm-hmm.

Well, then...

TARA:
It's just so exciting. (CHUCKLES)

LIKO:
Uhh!

(TARA LAUGHS)

Pretty bad-ass, Isabel.

- It wasn't locked.

- Yeah, still.

Breaking and entering.

Felony makes you kinda hot.

Ohh. Whoa.

He really does have a Van Gogh.

Uh, total fake.

That'd be worth, like, three zillion dollars.

- Cool Taser? What's this for?

- What do you think, perv?

Don't touch that.

(SHUTTER CLICKS)

Hmm.

Gurar.

I want to be objective, but

I really want to believe this,

because it would be so deeply, deeply cool.

- Let's split up.

- I'll do the bedroom.

Okay.

Oh, there's a basement.

(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)

Come on.

Ooh, Miss Kittriss.

Hm.

(SIGHS)

Kittriss is home.

- Liko. Liko!

- Yeah, gimme one sec.

Hey.

We gotta go!

Now!

(SHUTTER CLICKS)

Come on.

Yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming!

- There's a back door.

- Awesome.

Come on. Come on.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

So, my cousin Janet is an art

history major at Columbia.

She said the painting could

be an unregistered Van Gogh.

Well, we looked into the authors

of those books from the basement.

Any history they had prior to publication

is sketchy, or nonexistent.

Some of the publishers are out of

business, but I reached three.

None of them had any contact

information for the author.

Each guy vanished with no forwarding address

within a couple of years of publication.

"Jonathan Evermore"? He wrote the

sci-fi novel "Everlasting Tomorrow,"

about an "immortal's search for the

meaning of his solitary existence".

I called Bantam, told them

I was his granddaughter,

looking for his royalty payments.

She said she was so happy I called,

since they've been piling up since 1966.

(GASPS)

No, a**hole. We're not taking his money.

Ugh.

(TARA AND ISABEL CHUCKLE)

- I mean, guys. Unbelievable.

- We're just gonna leave all that money?

Isn't it weird?

Every time someone claims

to have been reincarnated,

they were always like Napoleon, you know?

Alexander the Great.

Cleopatra or something.

Yeah, well... it's never Cleopatra's

slave who cleaned out her chamber pot.

Or the guy making chamber pots.

"John Oldman" said he knew the Buddha.

Sailed with Columbus.

No, he didn't actually sail with Columbus.

- What?

- I read the book, dude.

Come on, get in there.

There you go.

So, uh...

Did you saw it, though?

The Van Gogh?

Yeah.

You starting to believe a little bit.

Look, just because a guy is, you know,

14,000 years old,

it doesn't mean he's Jesus.

Yeah.

He could be the guy who made

the nails for the cross.

Aha.

All right, come on.

- I was Malcolm X in my past life.

- Yeah, for sure.

(MOVIE PLAYS ON COMPUTER)

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello, Dr. Jenkins, if this is you.

And if it's not you, I apologize for

the wrong number, whoever this is.

So Dr. Jenkins,

my name is Isabel Chang.

I do apologize for calling so late,

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