The Man Who Came to Dinner Page #10

and I'll call for you in an hour.

That's right. Now, I want you

to send some telegrams for me.

Have you got a pencil? Right.

The first one goes to the

Duchess of Sutherland, in Newport.

You'll find all the addresses in that little

book in my dressing case. Now, ready?

"Darling, Cedric and I are being

married tomorrow, South Carolina.

Wanted you to be the first

to know. Love, Lorraine."

Oh, madame, I am so happy.

At last you have hooked him.

Thank you, Cosette. Thank you.

Now send the same message

to Mr. And Mrs. Perry Livingston...

...Mrs. Cornelius Vanderbilt

and my mother in Kansas City.

Now I'll send a wire

to Tiffany's, New York:

"Can you bring to South Carolina

the string of pearls...

...I picked out in October?

Lorraine Sheldon."

Now, have you got all that straight,

Cosette? That's fine.

Oh, you must hurry, dear. I'll be there in

about an hour, and you mustn't be late.

All right. Goodbye.

Thank goodness for Cosette.

I'd die without her.

Who would've thought an hour ago

I'd be on my way to Carolina?

Life is just full of surprises, isn't it?

Will you both stop this female

drooling? I have a violent headache.

- Sherry, can't I get you something?

- Now, look here, Sherry.

After all, my life is my own.

- Good evening, Mr. Jefferson.

- Hello, John.

Hello, everybody.

Do you know it's snowing out?

We're gonna have

an old-fashioned Christmas.

Why don't you telephone your scoop

to the Associated Press.

Bert, Miss Sheldon has to catch a plane

tonight. Shall we drive her, you and I?

Why, certainly. Oh, thanks, Maggie.

Sorry you have to go.

No bad news, I hope.

Oh, on the contrary,

very good news. Wonderful news.

Yes, indeed. Calls for a drink, I think.

Sherry, you're not a very good host.

How about a bottle of champagne?

I can do better than that.

Let me mix you a Jefferson Special.

- How about it, Mr. Whiteside?

- Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Mix anything, only stop driveling.

Anybody admired

my Christmas present yet, Maggie?

Oh, I forgot. From Mr. Jefferson to me.

Oh, Maggie, let me see.

Why, that's charming.

That's a lovely present.

- Isn't that sweet, Sherry?

- Ducky!

I told you it was beautiful, Bert. See?

What's going on between you two?

Are you hiding something from us?

Great heavens, will this drivel

never stop? My head is bursting.

My Jefferson Special

will cure anything.

By the way, I got a one-minute interview

with Beverly Carlton at the station.

- You were right, he's quite something.

- Mix the drinks, will you?

I was lucky to get a minute.

He was in a telephone booth.

- Bert, mix the drinks.

- Okay. Couldn't hear him...

...but from the faces he was making,

it looked like a scene from a play.

Just a moment if you please,

Mr. Jefferson.

Mr. Carlton was in a telephone booth

at the station?

Certainly was.

I thought he'd never come out.

Kept talking and making the darnedest

faces for about five minutes.

Bert, my boy, I feel that

I'm gonna love the Jefferson Special.

Make me a double one, will you?

My headache is gone with the wind.

Okay.

Philo Vance is now at work.

Operator?

Have there been any calls

over this phone...

...from South Carolina

during the past half-hour?

Yes, I'll wait.

Sherry, what is all this?

What's that?

There have been no calls

from South Carolina at any time?

Thank you. Now, will you repeat that,

please? Blossom girl.

Hear it, dear?

Thank you, operator.

And merry Christmas.

What is this? What does it mean?

You've just played the love scene of your

career with your friend, Beverly Carlton.

Not true, I was talking to Cedric.

What do you mean?

I mean, that was Beverly you poured out

your girlish heart to, not Lord Bottomley.

Who would've thought five minutes ago

you would not be going to Carolina.

I want this explained.

Explained? You've heard Beverly imitate

Lord Bottomley before, haven't you?

Yes, yes, of course, but why?

Why in the world would

he want to do such a thing?

Why, this is the most dreadful...

Oh, those telegrams.

Give me the hotel, whatever

it's called. I want the hotel!

The rat. I'll pay him back

for this if it's the last thing...

The skunk. The dirty, rotten...

Mansion House? Connect me

with my maid.

What? Who the devil do you think

it is? Miss Sheldon, of course.

Oh, if only Cosette hasn't sent those...

Cosette. Cosette, did you send

those telegrams?

Cosette, I want you to send another

telegram to every one of those people.

Tell them somebody's been

using my name, and to disregard...

...everything they hear from me,

except this, of course.

Don't ask questions,

do as you're told.

Don't argue with me, you French

moron! Unpack, we're not going!

- Steady, blossom, take it easy.

- What do you mean?

Do you realize I'll be the laughingstock

of New York? I knew Beverly was low...

...but not this low. Why? Why?

Why would anyone in the world

want to play a silly trick like this?

I can't understand it.

Do you, Sherry? Do you, Maggie?

Why would he walk out of here,

straight to a telephone booth...

...and send me to South Carolina on

a fool's errand? Must be some reason.

Why would Beverly Carlton or anyone

else, for that matter, want me to...

I think I begin...

Of course, of course, that's it!

Yes, and that's a very charming bracelet

Mr. Jefferson gave you, isn't it, Maggie?

It makes complete sense now.

And to think that I nearly...

Well, wild horses couldn't

get me out of here now, Maggie.

If I were you, I'd hang on

to that charming little bracelet, dear.

It'll be something to remember him by.

Mr. Whiteside, it's almost time.

Hook him up, boys, and start testing.

Give us a hand with the furniture.

Move it out.

- Miss Cutler, here's the new script.

- Come, Daisy.

Testing, one, two, three, four.

Mary had a little lamb.

One, two, three, four.

Mary had a little lamb.

Here comes a Jefferson Special.

Oh, have we time?

Sure we have, Mr. Jefferson. I'm not

leaving after all. My plans are changed.

- Really? Oh, that's good.

- You can read the play to me tonight.

We'll go to the Mansion House

after dinner.

I should say so. I'd be delighted.

Maggie, did you hear that?

I'll bet you did this.

You arranged the whole thing.

It's the finest Christmas present

you could've given me.

Maggie!

Maggie!

Where would you like to have this?

My son has run off on a freighter!

My daughter's marrying an anarchist!

Oh, I see he's still busy.

Quiet! Stand back from the microphone

and let Mr. Whiteside broadcast, please.

Get the heck out of here,

we're going on the air!

All right, boys, step right this way.

We'll use the microphone over here.

Snap into it, fellas, snap into it.

Okay, New York.

Cream of Mush brings you

Sheridan Whiteside.

A penguin bit me.

This is Whiteside speaking.

On this eve of eves...

...when my own heart is overflowing

with peace and kindness...

...I think it is most fitting

to tell once again the story...

...of that still and lustrous night.

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