The Man Who Came to Dinner Page #13

made a great hit with Sarah.

He wants to give her a screen test.

- Morning, John. Is Mr. Whiteside up?

- Yes, Miss Sheldon. In there.

Merry Christmas, darling.

Merry Christmas.

I've come to have breakfast with you.

May I?

Of course, my sprite.

- John, a breakfast tray.

- Yes.

- Better make it one-minute eggs.

- Yes, sir.

Darling, I was simply swept off my feet

by the play. It's fantastically good.

It's the kind of part

that comes along once in 10 years.

Oh, I'm so grateful to you, darling.

Thank you, dear. What time

are you leaving, you and Jefferson?

Oh, I don't know. It's 4:00, I think.

You know, Sherry, apart from everything

else, Bert is a very attractive man.

It'll make it rather a pleasure

squaring accounts with little Miss Vitriol.

In fact, everything

has worked out beautifully.

Sherry, lamb, I wanna give you the most

beautiful Christmas present in your life.

Now, what do you want? Anything.

I'm so deliriously happy that...

- That sounds like Banjo. Is he here?

- He is.

The family circle

gathering for Christmas.

My, how time flies

when you're having fun.

What ho, and all that sort of thing.

If it isn't Lady Bottomley.

My dear, you look ripping.

Positively ripping.

Very funny. It's too bad your pictures

aren't as funny as you think you are.

You've got me there, Lorraine.

You still got ants in your glance.

- Anything in the wind?

- Not a glimmer.

- When does the boat sail?

- Ten minutes.

- What boat is this?

- The good ship behind the eight ball.

I have everything except

the New Year's broadcast.

- Is there a schedule on that?

- It's on that table someplace.

- Thank you.

- New Year's Eve?

Bert and I will hear it from Lake Placid.

You've been to my place up there,

haven't you, Sherry? Lovely, isn't it?

Away from everything.

Just snow and clear, cold nights.

Oh, that must be Bert now.

I told him to meet me here.

You know, I'm rather looking forward

to Lake Placid.

Bert's the kind of man

who'll do all winter sports beautifully.

Will he have time?

With all the rewriting and...

- For Mr. Whiteside.

- All right, come ahead. In here.

- Careful now.

- Yeah, this thing's valuable.

This old dame is 2000 years old.

She's in better shape than I am.

For you, Mr. Whiteside.

Careful now.

Great Aunt Mehitable.

If there was one thing I needed at this

moment, it was a mummy.

"Merry Christmas

from the khedive of Egypt."

What did you send him,

Grant's Tomb?

Five minutes, Mr. Whiteside.

Including that.

Who's that man?

He announces the time every

few minutes. I pay him a small sum.

- Well, what on earth for, Sherry?

- I lost my watch.

Mr. Whiteside, are you busy?

Well, I'll wait in the library.

Excuse me.

Is that the plumber again, Sherry?

Oh, dear, I wonder where Bert is.

Darling, you're not very Christmassy.

You're usually bubbling over

on Christmas morning.

Who sent you this, Sherry?

The khedive of Egypt?

You know, I think it's rather beautiful.

I must go to Egypt sometime.

I really must. I know I'd love it.

You know, the first time I went

to Pompeii, I cried all night.

All those people. All those lives.

Where are they now?

Here was a woman like myself.

A woman who'd once lived

and loved.

Full of the same passions,

fears, jealousies, hates.

What remains of it now? Just this.

Nothing more.

A span of 4000 years...

...a mere atom in the eternity of time.

And here am I,

another woman living out her life.

I want to cry.

I mustn't talk like this today.

It's Christmas. It's Christmas.

Lorraine, dear, have you ever

played St. Joan?

No, I haven't, Sherry. Why?

Something about your expression

in that case.

- There was an absolute halo about you.

- How sweet.

It transcended any mortal expression

I've seen.

- Step in it again, dear.

- Now, Sherry, you're joshing me.

Oh, I don't make light of these things,

I was deeply moved.

There was a strange beauty about you,

Lorraine, pure da Vinci.

- Please do it again, dear.

- Well, I don't know exactly what I did...

...but I'll try.

- Oh, no, Sherry. I feel too silly.

- Oh, no! No!

In that single instant, you approached

the epitome of your art.

You should not be ashamed. You asked

what I wanted for a present.

All that I want, Lorraine, is the memory

of you in that mummy case.

Why, Sherry, I'm... I'm all choked up.

Dust, thou art, and dust to dust...

Banjo!

Eureka!

- There's service.

- Will she be all right in there?

Sure, she can breathe easy.

I'll let her out as soon

as we get on a plane.

Cute kid. Say, how do we get this

out of here?

Now, one thing at a time.

That's the next step.

- Think fast, Mr. Moto. Think fast.

- Look out. Get out...

This is everything.

I'm leaving three carbons.

Christmas card from

the head guy of Egypt.

Anything I can do for you here?

What's in this basket?

Nothing, thank you. Thank... Eleanor

Roosevelt. Did you call her in Atlanta?

She'd left for Washington...

...but I left a message at

the White House to call you here.

- Do you want these letters?

- Throw everything away.

- Do you want this picture?

- No, no. Oh, yes.

I want the picture. Give me that.

I've done everything

but put your broadcasts in order.

Do that right away, Maggie.

It's very important.

I'll see you before I go, Banjo.

I got it. I knew I'd seen this face before,

I knew it.

- I know how to get this out of here.

- What face? How?

The time is up, Mr. Whiteside.

Fifteen minutes.

Glad to see you on your feet.

- It will save me having you thrown out.

- One favor before you leave.

I would like those officers

to help this gentleman...

...to the airport with this case.

Would you be good enough to do that?

- I will do nothing of the kind.

- Oh, I think you will, Mr. Stanley.

Or shall I inform my audience...

...on my next broadcast

of your little secret?

That your sister, Harriet Stanley...

...is the famous Harriet Sedley,

who murdered her mother and father...

...with an ax 25 years ago

in Massachusetts.

Oh, come, Mr. Stanley,

it's a very small favor.

Would you rather have the good folk of

Mesalia repeating at your doorstep...

...that once-popular little jingle:

Harriet Sedley took an ax

And gave her mother 40 whacks

And when the job was nicely done

She gave her father 41

Remember, Mr. Stanley,

I am giving up something.

- It would make a whale of a broadcast.

- Mr. Whiteside, you are a devil.

I often think so myself, fellow.

She gave her mother 40 whacks

How the Dodgers could have used her.

Mr. Stanley would have you

help this gentleman to the airport...

...with this mummy case. He's sending it

to a friend in Nova Scotia.

- Collect.

- Right, Mr. Stanley?

Yes. Yes.

Thank you, gentlemen.

And handle that very carefully, please.

Banjo, my lad, you're wonderful.

- I may write a book about you.

- Don't bother. I can't read.

Goodbye, Maggie.

Love conquers all.

Here's a Christmas present for you.

Take it easy. Don't drop

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