The Man Who Came to Dinner Page #12

Remember?

I'm trying to tell you, you Hollywood

nitwit. A newspaperman, here in town.

So Maggie finally fell.

Well, what do you know.

Say, what kind of a guy is he?

- Shut up and listen, will you?

- What happened?

Lorraine Sheldon happened

to come out and visit me.

- The oomph girl, here? Well...

- Now, listen.

This fellow had written a play.

Well, you can guess the rest.

He's going away with Lorraine

this afternoon, to rewrite.

So there you are. Maggie's in there now,

crying her eyes out.

What do you mean, Lorraine

Sheldon happened to come here?

I smell a rat, Sherry.

A rat with a beard.

All right, but I did it for Maggie.

I thought it was right for her.

Sure. You haven't thought

of yourself in years.

- Gee, poor kid. Can I go talk to her?

- No, leave her alone.

Where does this guy she likes live?

Can we get ahold of him?

Wait, Banjo. We don't want

any phony warrants...

...or you pretending to be

J. Edgar Hoover.

I've been through that with you

before. I got Lorraine out here...

...I've got to get her away.

It's gotta be good, Sherry.

Lorraine's no dope.

There must be something that would

get her out of here like...

Say, I think I got it.

That Englishman she's so crazy about.

What's his name again? Lord Bottomley.

That's it. Bottomley.

- No, Banjo, no.

- Wait a minute, you don't catch on.

We send Lorraine a telegram

from this bird...

I catch on. Lorraine caught on too.

It's been tried.

I told you Lorraine was no dope.

Well, you've got a tough

proposition on your hands.

There's little time. Lorraine's taking

him with her this afternoon.

There must be some way out of this.

Trouble is, I've done this too well.

Stuck, huh?

In the words of one of our

greatest lyric poets, "You said it."

Listen, I'm hungry. Don't worry,

we'll think of something, Sherry.

We'll get Lorraine out of here

if I gotta do it a piece at a time.

Get out of my chair. Go on.

Mr. Whiteside... Oh, excuse me.

Come right in, Sarah,

it's quite all right.

- I've got something for you.

- You have?

- But, Mr. Whiteside, it was for you.

- Oh, never mind, Sarah, he's quite mad.

Come, Petrouchka, we will dance.

We will dance in the snow...

...while all St. Petersburg

is aflame with jealousy.

Just give him some breakfast,

Sarah, he's harmless.

Just what does this mean?

It means, Mr. Whiteside,

that I am leaving.

My address is on the desk inside.

You can send me a check.

You realize, Miss Preen, this

is completely unprofessional.

I do indeed. I am not only walking out

on this case, Mr. Whiteside...

...I am leaving

the nursing profession.

I became a nurse because all my life,

since I was a little girl...

...I was filled with the idea

of serving a suffering humanity.

After one month with you,

Mr. Whiteside...

...I'm going to work

in a munitions factory.

Anything that I can do

to help exterminate the human race...

...will fill me

with the greatest of pleasure.

Mr. Whiteside,

if Florence Nightingale...

...had ever nursed you,

she would've married Jack the Ripper...

...instead of founding

the Red Cross. Good day.

June. June, my baby.

Mr. Stanley's here with June.

He's brought June back.

Thank goodness, thank goodness!

- Darling, you're not married?

- I'm not. Don't get hysterical.

Anybody but that awful boy.

Ernest, thank goodness you stopped it.

- How did you do it?

- Never mind, Daisy.

Just take June upstairs. I have

something to say to Mr. Whiteside.

- What about, Richard?

- It's all right, Daisy, all under control.

- Just take June upstairs.

- We've had enough melodrama.

I don't have to be taken,

I'll go upstairs.

- Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas, June.

- Lock me in my room.

- You'll feel much better after a hot bath.

Have you had anything to eat?

I am pleased to inform you,

sir, that your plans...

...for my daughter

seem to have gone a trifle awry.

She is not, nor will she ever be,

married to that labor agitator...

...that you so kindly picked out

for her.

As for my son,

he has been apprehended...

...in Toledo and will be

brought home within the hour.

Not having your gift for invective...

...I cannot tell you what I think of your

obnoxious interference in my affairs...

...but I have arranged

that you will interfere no longer.

Mr. Whiteside, these gentlemen

are deputy sheriffs.

They have a warrant by which I will be

enabled to put you out of this house.

And I need hardly add that it will

be the greatest moment of my life.

Mr. Whiteside, I am giving you 15

minutes in which to pack up and get out.

If you have not gone in 15 minutes,

these gentlemen will forcibly eject you.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Will you wait outside, please?

Fifteen minutes, Mr. Whiteside,

and that means bag, baggage...

...wheelchair, penguins and octopus.

I am now going upstairs

to smash our radio...

...so that not even accidentally

will I ever hear your voice again.

Sure you don't want

my autograph, old fellow?

Fifteen minutes, Mr. Whiteside.

Well, Whiteside, I didn't get an idea,

but the food was wonderful.

- Any news from the front?

- Yes.

- The enemy is at my rear and nibbling.

- Where did you say Maggie was?

It's no use, she's taking

the 1:
00 train out.

No kidding? You didn't tell me that.

She's quitting you after all these years?

- She's really leaving?

- She is.

- You only got till 1:00 to do something.

- No, dear.

I have 15 minutes... Fourteen minutes

in which to pull out of my hat...

...the most gigantic rabbit

you've ever seen.

- What do you mean, 14 minutes?

- In 14 minutes...

...baby's rosy body

is being tossed into the snow.

My host has sworn out a warrant.

I am being kicked out.

What? I never heard of such a thing.

- What would he do a thing like that for?

- Well, never mind.

I've only got 14 minutes

to get Lorraine out of here.

Banjo, dear, the master

is growing a little desperate.

Say, if I knew where she was,

I could get a car and run her over.

- It wouldn't hurt her much.

- Banjo.

Please go talk to Maggie.

She's in there. I've got to think.

All right.

- Pardon me, miss, is this the YMCA?

- Oh, Banjo, you old darling.

Come on, I've heard the whole story.

Everything is gonna be all right.

- Banjo.

- Don't worry...

...your Uncle Banjo

will pull a few strings.

- Say, that wasn't a bad pun, was it?

- No.

You're gonna hear that

in my next picture.

- Is this your father?

- No, you idiot.

Hello, Mr. Whiteside.

I didn't get very far. Any suggestions?

I'm very sorry, Richard.

Very sorry indeed.

- I wish I were in a position...

- Well, you're not in a position.

Thank you very much, officer.

- Here's something for your trouble.

- Thank you, sir. Good day.

Will you go upstairs, Richard?

Ten minutes, Mr. Whiteside.

I brought you some orange juice.

Feeling better?

Oh, superb. Is there any cyanide

in this orange juice, John?

Open the door, John. It's probably

some mustard gas from an old friend.

Yes, sir. Say, that crazy fellow

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