The Man Who Came to Dinner Page #6

- Why, Mr. Jefferson, sir.

- I'd like you to see it...

...before I throw away my money.

Can you run downtown with me?

Bert, that's very sweet of you.

I'm quite touched.

- What is it? I can't wait.

- You think I'm gonna tell?

- Come on down and see.

- All right.

Sherry?

Sherry? I'm going out for a few minutes

with Horace Greeley.

I won't be long.

NoI, NoI, Mr. W. How about a little

gin rummy tonight after your broadcast?

No, I will not play gin rummy with you,

Klondike Harry.

You've been swindling

the pants off me.

By the way, what are you giving me

for Christmas?

I've enriched your feeble life

beyond your capacity to repay me.

That's what I figured,

so I'm not giving you anything.

I see. Well, I was gonna give you

my old truss, but now I shan't.

Sherry? The radio men will be here

at 6:
30. I'll be back in time.

Where are you off to anyway,

Madame Butterfly?

I'm being given a Christmas present.

Anything I can bring from downtown?

Yes. Bring baby a lollipop.

I want to know what you bought me.

I'm like a 10-year-old kid.

You know, you look like a 10-year-old

kid right now, Maggie, at that.

Operator, give me the Mansion House.

No, I don't know the number!

Hello. Mansion House, tell me, has

a Miss Lorraine Sheldon arrived yet?

Yes, that's right. Miss Lorraine Sheldon

from Palm Beach.

She hasn't, eh?

What do you want, coming in like that?

Knock when you come into a room.

But I wasn't coming in.

I was coming out.

Miss Preen, you are obviously

in this room. That's true.

- Yes, it is.

- Therefore you came in.

Hereafter, please knock.

There's some expressmen with a crate.

I told them to go to the front.

Thank you, John.

Well, don't stand there, Miss Preen.

You look like a frozen custard.

Go away!

- What is it this time, Joe?

- Penguins, Mr. Stanley.

- All the way from the South Pole.

- Penguins?

Four of them.

Two girls and two boys, I think.

Four. Well, he can't name them

all after me.

Here's where you come in, Daisy.

Right in here, boys.

Careful, now, don't bump into anything.

- Who's it from, Joe?

- Admiral Byrd. They're penguins.

Directions how to feed them on top.

The slats are loose.

"To be fed only whale blubber,

eels and cracked lobster."

They got root beer this morning

and liked it.

Hello, hello. You know, they make

the most entrancing companions, John.

Admiral Byrd has one

that goes on his tours with him.

I want these in the library.

Take them right in, will you, please?

Tell Sarah to order

a couple dozen lobsters.

Is there any whale blubber

in this town?

- Good evening.

- Yes, there is.

- Merry Christmas, Mr. Whiteside.

- Merry Christmas.

You don't happen to know

if eels are in season, do you?

- How's that?

- Never mind. I was a fool to ask you.

I opened those slats a little.

They seemed so crowded in there.

Oh, thank you, John.

Must be Mr. Stanley

wrestling with my octopus.

- Mr. Whiteside...

- Goodbye, doctor.

I'm sorry you dropped in just now,

I have to do my yogi exercises.

Mr. Whiteside, it's a week now.

My book, you know.

When are we going to start

to work on my book?

I thought perhaps today

maybe we could...

- Good evening, Dr. Bradley.

- Good evening, Miss Preen.

Doctor, perhaps I'm not well,

but when I opened the door...

...I thought I saw a penguin

with a thermometer in his mouth.

Have those penguins

gotten out of their crate?

- Did you say penguins?

- Yes.

I was afraid the strain

was too much for me.

- Penguins?

- Would you go in and capture them...

...and put them back in their crate?

There are four of them.

- Capture the penguins?

- That's right.

And, Miss Preen, will you entertain them,

please, until I come in?

Yes, sir.

The Christmas tree just fell on Mr.

Stanley. Got a bump on his forehead.

Isn't that too bad.

Go ahead, doctor.

Go on, Miss Preen.

- Hello, Mr. Whiteside.

- Hello, Dickie, my boy.

But, Mr. Whiteside, will you have

some time later today? My book.

- I don't know, doctor. I'm busy now.

- Suppose I wait a little while.

I'll wait a little while.

Dr. Bradley is the greatest living

argument for mercy killing.

Richard, would you like a candid-camera

shot of my left nostril this evening?

I'm sort of stocked up on those.

But have you got a minute...

...to see some new ones I've taken?

- I certainly have.

These are splendid, Richard.

Richard, I've been meaning

to talk to you about this.

You're not just a kid fooling around

with a camera anymore.

These are good.

This is what you ought to do.

You ought to go away and do

the things you've told me about.

Get on a boat, get off wherever it stops.

Galveston, Mexico, Singapore.

Work your way through

and just take pictures.

Terrible pictures, wonderful pictures,

everything.

If I could do that,

I'd be the happiest guy.

Why can't you do it?

If I were your age, I'd do it like a shot.

You know why.

- Dad.

- Richard, do you really wanna do this...

...more than anything else?

- I certainly do.

- Well, then do it.

- Hello, Dick.

- Good evening, Mr. Whiteside.

- Hello, lovely.

So, Richard, I'm afraid

it's up to you.

I guess it is.

Thank you. You've been swell.

I'll never forget it.

- All right, Richard.

- June, are you coming upstairs?

- In a few minutes.

- Knock on my door. I wanna talk.

Yes, I will. Mr. Whiteside, may I speak

to you for a few minutes? It's important.

Certainly, my dear. I take it this is all

about your young Lothario at the factory.

Yes. I simply can't get Father

to understand.

What are we going to do?

Sandy and I love each other.

- I don't know where to turn.

- I'd like to meet this young man.

- I'd like to see him for myself.

- Would you meet him?

- He's just outside. He's in the kitchen.

- Good, bring him in.

Mr. Whiteside, he's a very sensitive boy.

You'll be kind to him, won't you?

Confound it, June, when will you learn

that I'm always kind and courteous?

Bring this idiot in.

Sandy. Sandy.

Here he is, Mr. Whiteside.

This is Sandy.

- How do you do, sir?

- I've heard a good deal about you...

...from June this past week.

If I have been correctly informed...

...you two babes

have gone quietly out of your minds.

There's another name for it.

It's called love.

You've come to the right place.

Dr. Whiteside...

...broken hearts mended, brakes relined,

hamburgers. Go right ahead.

If June has told you anything at all,

you know the jam we're in.

You see, I work for the union,

I'm an organizer.

I've organized the men in Mr. Stanley's

factory, and he's pretty sore about it.

- I'll bet.

- June told you?

- Yes, she did.

- Sandy's leaving town for Chicago.

He'll probably be gone a year.

We've simply got to decide now.

My dear, it's absurdly simple,

no problem at all.

Suppose your parents are unhappy.

It's good for them.

Develops their characters.

Now look at me.

I left home at the age of 4

and haven't been back since.

They hear me over the radio,

and that's enough for them.

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