The Man Who Came to Dinner Page #5

You get me a train schedule and pack.

I'll pull you out of this, Miss Stardust.

I'll get the ants out...

It's no good, Sherry. It's no good.

I'd be back on the first streamline train.

It's completely unbelievable.

Can you see yourself...

...the wife of the editor

of the Mesalia Journal?

Having an evening at home

for Mr. And Mrs. Stanley...

...Mr. And Mrs. Dribblepuss...

...and the members of the

Big Sisters Benevolent Association?

Sherry, I've had 10 years of

the great figures of our time.

And don't think I'm not grateful.

I've loved every minute of it.

They've been wonderful years,

gay and stimulating.

I don't think anybody's had more fun

than we've had.

But a girl can't laugh

all the time, Sherry.

There comes a time

when she wants...

...Bert Jefferson.

You don't know Bert, Sherry. He's

gentle and he's unassuming and he's...

- Well, I love him. That's all.

- I see.

I remain completely unconvinced.

You're drugging yourself

into this Ginger Rogers fantasy.

Before you become

completely anesthetized...

...I shall do everything in my power

to bring you to your senses.

Now you listen to me, Whiteside.

You lay off. I know you.

I know what a devil you can be.

I know what you've done to other

people, but you won't do it to me.

And don't drug yourself with the idea

that you're thinking of my happiness.

You're thinking of all those months

of breaking in somebody new.

I've seen you in a passion before

when your life has been disrupted...

...and you couldn't dine on July 12th in

Calcutta with the maharajah this or that.

Well, that's too bad, Sherry.

But there it is.

I'm going to marry Bert...

...if he'll have me.

Don't you pull any of your tricks on me,

because I'm onto every one of them.

That's my message to you...

...big Lord Fauntleroy.

Long distance, please.

Hello, long distance?

This is Mesalia 142.

I want to speak to

Palm Beach, Florida.

Miss Lorraine Sheldon.

S-H-E-L-D-O-N.

She's at the home

of Lord Cedric Bottomley, Palm Beach.

Well, will it take long?

All right, my name is Whiteside.

Thank you.

- Good evening, John.

- Good evening, doctor.

- Well, good evening, Mr. Whiteside.

- Come back tomorrow. I'm very busy.

Yeah, I know it's rather late. But I've

got something wonderful to tell you.

Now, what would be the very best news

that I could possibly bring you?

You have hydrophobia.

Yes. No, no, Mr. Whiteside.

You're a well man.

You can get up and walk.

- You can leave here tomorrow.

- What do you mean?

Well, sir, I looked

at the x-rays again tonight.

And what do you know,

I've been looking at the wrong x-rays.

I've been looking at old Mrs. Moffat's

x-rays. You're absolutely perfectly well.

- Lower your voice, please.

- What's the matter?

- Aren't you pleased?

- Well, delighted, of course. Naturally.

But it's a rather unexpected bit

of news, however.

It comes at a very curious moment. I...

Doctor, I have some good news

for you too. I've been reading your book.

- Forty Years... What's it called?

- An Ohio Doctor.

I consider it to be one of the greatest

literary contributions of our time.

- Mr. Whiteside.

- So strongly do I feel about this...

...that I have a proposition to make you.

The book's a little uneven.

What I should like to do is to stay here

in Mesalia and work with you on it.

Oh, Mr. Whiteside,

I should be so terribly honored.

Yes, but there's just one

slight difficulty.

If my lecture bureau and my radio

sponsors were to learn I am well...

...they'd insist upon my fulfilling my

contracts. I would be forced to leave.

Therefore, we must not tell anyone

at all that I am well.

- I see. I see.

- Not even Miss Cutler. You understand?

- I won't. Not a soul, not even my wife.

- That's fine.

Mr. Whiteside, when shall we start

work on my book? Tonight, late as it is?

I've just got one patient that's dying.

Then I'll be perfectly free.

Tomorrow morning. This is a private call,

if you'll excuse me.

Yes? Hello. Yes, I'm on.

- Good night, doctor. Good night.

- Good night.

I'll be here early in the morning.

Hello? Is this my blossom girl?

Sherry, my sweet.

How are you, darling?

Lorraine, my blossom, I have

the most wonderful news for you.

I've been reading the most brilliant play

with an enchanting part in it for you.

- Why, you're on-stage every minute.

- Darling.

What?

Darling, why do I have to come there?

Can't you send it to me?

Lord Cedric's bringing the yacht

down tomorrow.

Now, wait, wait, let me explain.

The author is a young newspaperman

here in town.

His name is Bert Jefferson.

He wants Katherine Cornell. But if you

jump on a train and get out here...

...I think you could swing it

if you play your cards right.

What? No!

He's young, very attractive.

Why, he's just your dish, my dear.

It just takes a little doing,

and you're the girl that can do it.

Isn't that exciting, my pet?

Oh, yes. I understand.

Sherry, you're the dear sweet

of the world...

...and I'll take the first train

tomorrow morning.

Good-looking too, huh?

I can hardly wait.

And, look, don't send me any messages.

Just get on a train and arrive.

That's my blossom girl.

Goodbye.

- I forgot your sleeping tablet.

- Hello, Miss Preen!

My, you're looking radiant this evening.

Sit down, stay a while.

Sherry, I'm sorry for what I said

just now. I'm afraid I was unjust.

That's quite all right, my dear.

We all lose our tempers now and then.

Don't worry about it.

Get a good night's sleep.

People misjudge you, Sherry.

You're really very sweet.

- Good night.

- Good night. Sweet dreams.

Thank you. Good night, Sherry.

Well, I guess that's all there are,

Miss Cutler.

Thank you, John.

My, I never saw

anyone get so many presents.

- I can hardly wait to see what's in them.

- When will Mr. Whiteside open them?

Well, you see, John, Christmas

is Mr. Whiteside's personal property.

He invented it. It belongs to him.

Tomorrow morning, very first thing,

Mr. Whiteside will open every present...

...and he'll raise the biggest stink

you've ever seen in your life.

From Winston Churchill.

Deanna Durbin.

Gypsy Rose Lee.

Somerset Maugham.

My, I can hardly wait

till tomorrow.

Isn't it wonderful?

Mr. Whiteside's tree is so beautiful too.

Mr. And Mrs. Stanley can hardly undress

at night with their tree in their bedroom.

- Good evening, John.

- Good evening, Mr. Jefferson.

Hiya, Maggie.

Merry Christmas, Sarah.

Merry Christmas, Mr. Jefferson.

Say, business is good, isn't it?

My, what a little quiet blackmail...

...and a weekly radio show can get you.

What did his sponsors give him?

A full year's supply of their product,

Cream of Mush.

Cream of Mush. Well, he'll give it

right back to them over the air.

Wait till you hear tonight's broadcast,

old fellow.

It's so gooey, I haven't been able

to get it off my fingers.

I'll bet.

Look, I'll come clean. Under

the influence of heaven knows what...

...I've just bought you

a Christmas present.

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