The Man Who Would Be King

I've come back.

Give me a drink, Brother Kipling.

Don't you know me?

No. I don't know you.

Who are you?

What can I do for you?

I told you. Give me a drink.

It was all settled.

Right here, in this office.

Remember?

Danny and me signed the contract

and you witnessed it.

You...

...stood over there.

I stood there.

And Daniel stood here.

Remember?

Carnehan!

Peachy Taliaferro Carnehan.

Of course.

Keep looking at me. It helps

to keep my soul from flying off.

Carnehan!

The same, and not the same,

who sat beside you...

...in a first-class carriage

on the train to Marwar Junction...

...three summers

and a thousand years ago.

Jodhpur, please.

Blast!

All aboard!

May I?

Riding in this ashcart is like being

kicked by a mule every 10 minutes!

Mr. Clutterbury Das.

Failed entrance examination,

Calcutta University, 1863.

Writer of correspondence

for the illiterate general public.

Shut up!

Thank you, sir.

- Out of the window, Babu!

- Thank you, sir.

Outside, you inky-fingered thief!

- I hope you break your neck!

- Thank you, sir.

- You might have killed him!

- Serves him right if I had!

- We're not making five miles an hour.

- But why?

- I caught him stealing your watch.

- My watch?

I say, it is my watch!

Well!

I'm very much obliged to you, Mr...?

Carnehan. Former gunnery sergeant

in Her Majesty's Forces.

Mine's Kipling.

- May I offer you a drink?

- I don't mind if I do.

You've knocked about India a bit,

I take it.

You can say that twice!

On foot, on horseback and on camel.

- You don't look green, either.

- I was born in India.

Great country, or was till bureaucrats

took over and ruined everything.

- I hope you're not one of them!

- No.

I didn't think so.

They usually have long noses

for looking down at you.

And I've yet to have

one of them offer me a drink!

- Glenlivet, 12 years old.

- You've an educated taste.

I have an educated taste in whiskey,

women, waistcoats and bills of fare.

But I've had few chances

to ex ercise it.

Because them that governs

make up laws...

...to stop men like us

from getting anywhere.

Whose loss is it?

England's, of course!

If we were unrestrained, she wouldn't

get 70 millions in revenue...

...it would be 700 millions! Right?

- I quite agree, yes.

- Where are you heading for?

- Jodhpur.

- Will you return on this line?

- In 10 days.

Can you make it eight?

I have a message for a man...

...travelling through Marwar Junction

on the 24th.

He expects to meet

but I have urgent business.

I'm sorry, I can't help you there.

Supposing I was to ask you...

...as a stranger going to the West

to seek for that which was lost.

What would you say then?

I should answer,

where do you come from?

From the East.

I am hoping that you will give

my message on the square...

...for the sake of the widow's son.

- Which lodge do you hail from?

- Travelling Lodge 3276, Fore and Fit.

The Queen's Own Royal Loyal Light

Infantry, Regimental District 329A.

- To whom is the message?

- Daniel Dravot.

- Dravot.

- A big man with long gray sideboards.

A great swell.

You'll find him

in a first-class compartment.

Don't be afraid.

Slip the window down and say,

"Peachy's gone south for the week."

- "Peachy's gone south for the week."

- Yes, and he'll tumble.

Well, I'll be getting off now

before we reach the station.

By the way, Brother Carnehan...

I missed my watch

in the station at Lahore...

...before boarding the train.

How was I to know you were a Mason?

What's this?

God's holy trousers!

Tickets again?

Is your name Dravot, sir?

I'm to say that Peachy

has gone south for the week.

He's gone south for the week.

Did he say I'd give anything for this?

I won't.

- No, he didn't.

- Then why did you do it?

For the sake of the widow's son.

- He said south, did he?

- Yes.

Then that'll be Degumber.

Since you're Peachy's pal,

I'll tell you.

We're gonna put the screw on the rajah

for what he did to his mother-in-law.

Filled her with peppers

and flogged her to death.

You mean you intend to blackmail him?

You wouldn't get out alive! If they

don't cut your throat, they'll poison you.

Both's been tried.

Peachy and me don't kill easy!

The rajah's an independent ruler.

He answers to nobody.

How will you put the screw on him?

By telling him we're correspondents

for The Northern Star.

You can't! You can't do that!

Because I am the correspondent

of The Northern Star!

- You what?

- I'm the correspondent!

Eh? What did you say, brother?

As you know,

we took them at the Degumber border...

...so there's a question

of jurisdiction.

But a charge of conspiracy

to blackmail might be brought.

I didn't lay this information before

you as a criminal prosecution.

Only to save their lives.

May I ask what particular interest

you have in these scoundrels?

Well, they happen to be...

...Freemasons. Like myself.

Freemasons? Them? I'd think

you'd strike them off your roll!

Oh, once a Mason, always a Mason.

Never could understand how

pukka chaps like you can go about...

...wearing aprons and sashes

and shaking hands with strangers.

What is Masonry, Kipling?

It's an ancient order...

...dedicated to the brotherhood

of man, under the eye of God.

We should have left that behind

in England. It can never work here.

There are tales that it did work here,

before we came.

Some audacious scholars

can trace it...

...to the builders

of Solomon's Temple.

- Old wives' tales, I suspect.

- Yes, in all likelihood, sir.

Well, let's have a look

at your lodge brothers.

Right turn.

Halt.

Hats off!

You men are not under arrest...

...thanks to Mr. Kipling, who's a real

correspondent for The Northern Star.

But both of you richly deserve

to be in jail.

I have your records before me.

There's everything

from smuggling to swindling...

...receiving stolen goods

and barefaced blackmail!

I resent the accusation.

It is blackmail to threaten

to publish information.

What blackmail is there in accepting

a retainer to keep it out?

How did you propose to do that?

Telling the editor what I know

about his sister...

...and a certain government official.

Let him put that in his paper

if he has need of news!

You should have gone home

after your army service.

To what? A porter's uniform

outside a restaurant?

Tips for closing cab doors

on civilians and their blowzy women?

Not for us, after watching

Afghans take command...

...when the officers had copped it!

- Well said!

There may be no criminal charges, but

I'll see these files reach Calcutta...

...with the advice you be

deported as political undesirables.

Detriments to the empire and the raj.

Detriments you call us? Detriments?

Detriments like us built this bloody

empire and the izzat of the raj!

Hats on!

About turn!

By the left, quick march!

Left turn!

There's no need to let any of this

get into the Star, I take it, Kipling?

No, no, no.

Copy.

My God! You two!

What do you want this time?

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