The Marrying Man Page #2

- I'm sorry?

Finishes last

three years in a row.

- Four!

- Four years in a row!

Now he knows everything

about show business.

I know umpires making

- better rugs on their heads.

- Mr. Pineapple Head.

- Pineapple head?

- Can I say something, George?

You're very boring.

You want to hang out with us,

get snappier dialogue.

I don't hear Charley coming

up with any snappier dialogue.

- That's different. Charley's rich.

- Hey, hey!

I don't mind if Charley bores us.

Is this fun?

Is this the best time

you ever had in your life?

Going to Vegas with three-and-a-half

funny guys who treat you like an equal.

We pretend that we

enjoy your company.

Why do we treat you...

like an equal?

- Because I pay for everything.

- Exactly.!

You see. The first thing

he grabs is his hair.

I always do this.

Hey, buddy.

- How long's it going to take?

- You want it fast or

do you want it to last?

I'll write the lyrics.

Just fix the tire.

Adele, we have a bad connection.

I miss you too, honey.

I still say

he's not hot for her.

About 40 miles outside of Vegas.

I'm going to drop these guys

off and head back tonight.

I just miss you too much.

What did he say? Birds were chirping.

I couldn't hear that.

I love you.

Bye, honey.

He's joking, that's what it is.

He's joking. Charley.

Don't tell jokes. You're not funny.

We're funny, not you.

It's no joke.

I'm going back.

Aw, Charley!

I'll take you there.

I'll pay for the weekend.

- I'm going back to L.A. Tonight.

- Charley.

- I miss her, guys.

- Tell him what he's missing.

On my mother's life,

these are not women, they're goddesses.

- Am I lying, Sammy?

- Goddesses, Charley.

Any of them could marry a prince

or a duke if they could get to Europe.

Big women, six-two, six-three.

There were 12 of them.

It's like a mountain of tits.

Hey, the tire, the tire!

You guys don't get it.

I'm getting married in six days.

I'm tired of screwing around. That's

all I've been doing my whole life.

Can I ask you a question?

Are you hot for Adele?

I just got finished telling you,

I'm nuts for her.

We're not talking about nuts.

Nuts is a different topic.

We are now talking about hot.

- Hot!

- Different than nuts.

I've had hot before.

Hot always got me into trouble.

Hot always cost me a bundle

of dough and a kick in the ass.

- I want a woman I can depend on.

- Why can't you have both?

Because you can't.

You ever hear of crimes of passion?

A hot woman

screws up your mind.

Guy sees the woman

he's in love with...

in bed with another guy,

he writes her off.

- He catches some guy screwing

the woman he's hot for...

She's done!

We did talk Charley

into stopping for a few drinks...

figuring we could persuade him

tojoin us at the Pick-A-Daisy.

You can lead

a man in love to water...

but you gotta drag him

to horse around.

Dd

Feeling lucky.!

Feeling lucky.!

Watch your hands.!

Keep your hands back.!

He's on the phone again.

We should have killed

this romance when it started.

A man in love is a man

who dumps his friends.

I'm going to miss Charley.

Fellas, I have found

the one girl in a million.

You ask me if I'm hot for her,

I'm better than hot.

I am crazy, nuts,

absolutely insane for her.

That's great. Maybe one day

you'll be hot for her, too.

And now here's a young lady

I know you're going to enjoy.

Adele wants to put

my picture on the ceiling...

so it's the first thing

she sees in the morning.

I wish we didn't have

to wait six day...

Birds do it

Bees do it

Even educated fleas do it

Let's do it

Let's fall in love

Sometimes it's good to wait.

- Who is that?

- For example.

Let's do it Let's do it

Who is she, Sammy?

Must be a new kid.

Never saw her before.

The Dutch in

old Amsterdam do it

Not to mention the Finns

Folks in Siam do it

Think of Siamese twins

dSome Argentines...

Nice body.

Right, Charley?

She's um...

She's got, um...

Good phrasing.

- Her phrasing, it's good.

- First thing I noticed

when she came out.

Let's hear her phrase

a little more.

One more song?

One song, one encore,

one reprise. That's it.

Electric eels

I might add, do it

Although it shocks them

I know

Why ask if shad do it

Oh waiter bring me shad roe

dln shallow shoal

English soles do it

Goldfish in the privacy

of bowls do it

Let's do it

Let's fall...

In love

Come on, baby

There's not much to it

Just come along with me boy

And get right down to it

Let's fall...

In love

Let's just do it

Let's just do it

Love'll come later

Feels so good

Yeah

Ladies and gentlemen,

Miss Vicki Anderson.

I gotta get going.

Charley, where's your manners?

Tell the lady how much

you appreciate her phrasing.

Murder, he says d

Sammy, ask if the lady will join

some admirers for a drink.

- Phil...

- She'd get a kick out of meeting you.

- Okay, Sam?

- Can do.

If the man says

"can do," can do!

Is that the

language of love

ls there something he said

Takes me in his arms

is there something he said

The meaning ofhis charms

is there something he said

ls that the language oflove

No good. Bad idea.

No can do.

What do you mean?

She won't have a drink with us?

- She's seeing a guy. She's spoke for.

- Let me talk to her.

- Leave it to me.

- Forget it!

She's Bugsy Siegel's girl.

- That name was not mentioned.

- Let's go.

What's wrong with asking her

to have one drink?

Nothin'. So they'll bury

us all in the same box.

Pay the check.

Leave a very big tip.

- I just want to say hello.

- Without a tongue?

They don't call Bugsy "Bugsy"

'cause he's friendly.

- Grab his arms.

- Come on.

Don't look back.

They got cameras in the ceiling.

You don't think that girl

has something special?

You're just nervous. Suddenly,

any gorgeous girl looks good.

You don't think

that girl is beautiful?

I thought she was

a little common.

Adele is pretty.

This girl...

... Will bring on

nobody's murder but his own

Hard to say.

Charley, you gotta

come with us.

- We need you for the group discount.

- Get in the car.

It's too late to

make it back to L.A.

Give the girls

at the ranch a break.

- I want to get back to Adele.

- Charley!

- Bust a couple of broncos for me.

- See ya at the altar.

Can you spot me a twenty?

You're a lucky man to have

a real lady waiting for you.

Poor slobs like us...

we've got to kill three days

humping 12 crazy amazons!

See ya later, Charley.

- It's only a dime to change your mind.

- Knock 'em dead.

- We miss you already. Come on.

- We'll mail you the bill.

He said get in the groove

dHe said keep on the move

- He says murder d

- Murder!

- Murder!

- Murder!

Murder, murder, murder

that's what he said

Is that clock right?

Guess so.

You're the first one in Vegas

who ever asked me the time.

Another

two-cents-plain?

Sure.

Why not?

How ya doin', Charley?

Well, I'm doin'

just fine, thanks.

Lady's talkin' to me, chief.

Oh, oh!

My name is Charley, too.

Honest.

I saw your show.

All three shows,

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