The Marrying Man Page #8

She put on a few pounds in the hips.

You notice the hips?

In two years you couldn't fit

her into a freight elevator.

I thought she had

sandwiches in her mouth.

You got rid of her

just in time, Charley.

- Hey, where's Charley?

- He stopped at the john.

Alone?

- Why didn't you go with him?

- I don't go unless

I gotta do something.

- What's the matter with you?

- Hey, be careful!

Bye.

So this is what you

left Boston for?

- I thought you gave me up

for something better than this.

- I like it here, Charley.

So, how's the

toothpaste business?

You having fun thinking

up next year's flavors?

At least that's next year's.

You went back to last year's.

You like working with Gus

as much as Bugsy?

Excuse me while I get

my divorce papers to see...

where it says you have the right

to ask me personal questions.

I don't have to be married

to you to be worried.

- Ten seconds and then I call the boys.

- The boys?

Oh, that's cute.

What's happening to you?

Is Gus the one slipping

in your side window...

or does he still have

a key to the front door?

Nobody's laid

their hands on me...

since the day you stopped

laying your hands on me.

Now get your hands off me.

I don't know

how that happened...

but you changed on me.

And who changed me, Charley?

If you wanted Adele...

why didn't you marry her

in the first place...

- or the second?

- I made a mistake.

But I gave you enough money

not to have to play...

a crummy place like this!

All right, maybe it

is over between you and me.

Maybe?

You can go to the casino

and bet on it!

I just don't want you to throw

your life away, understand?

I've already thrown

away two years...

giving dinner parties

for 22 dead people.

- You really are a tramp.

- You loved the tramp in me!

You kissed it good-bye when you made me

raise my pinky holding a teacup.

You won't make me

ashamed of myself!

I can't be bought

by you or anybody.!

I can't believe you did...

What the hell are you doing?

Jesus Christ.! Wait.!

You wouldn't dare?

Okay, come on.

Come on.

I dare you.!

Come on.!

I can't believe you did that!

All right, wait.!

I'm going,

but I'm taking you with me!

Aaah!

Stop!

Oh!

You ripped my dress!

Owww!

This is cute, really cute.

Ah, ah...

Why is it you don't

ever seem to listen, huh?

Didn't you hear the waiter?

You need my permission

to see the star.

Gus, why don't you

go out to the bar...

and try to look like Bugsy.

Once I was nice enough to give you

a warning. I'm not that nice anymore.

Who's your tailor, Gus?

This suit looks like the lining

to a better suit.

You're a funny guy.

Don't, don't!

He's leaving.

Come on.

Hey, count to three

before I go, Gus.

Can you count that high, Gus?

- Charley, just shut up.

- You know what I hear, Gus?

- Keep talkin', playboy.

- I hear you go to the cemetrey...

and kiss where Bugsy's ass

used to be.

That's what Vicki told me, Gus.

Ain't that right, honey?

No, Gus, stop it.!

You're killing him.

I'm gonna ask one question.

The answer better be "yes."

You ain't never gonna come

around and bother Vicki.

- Is that right?

- Yes, yes, he promises.

Is that right?

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, I hated doing that.

You idiot!

You want to get us killed?

No, I was trying

to get you fired!

Oh, whoa.!

Don't you guys ever grab

anywhere else?

I'll bet he's already

proposed to her.

Ooo.

Jesus, it's a massacre.

All right, somebody

get Vicki out of here.

I'll do that.

That'll be my job.

There are four of us

and only one of you.

I think he likes

the odds, George.

- They might need you.

- They're much better off without me.

Believe me when I say that.

This is, uh...

Not my forte.

Oh, my God!

That's not George.

That's a good sound.

They're working it out,

is what they are.

- Sweetheart, come with me.

- Let's get outta here.

Watch the hair!

You should see what I did

to that big palooka.

Let's go!

Thank you.

We had a great ti...

It's God's curse on me for

wanting to get shtupped again.

- Can't you pull down a side street?

- It's all desert!

- Make a right.

- There's no road there!

Just do it.!

Vicki, I can't see

a damn thing.!

This is like looking for...

a ballpark in

the minor leagues.

If there's a bus stop,

I'd like to be let out.

- Make another right.

- Where?

- Anywhere.

- You can't make a right anywhere.

It has to be somewhere.

Oh, God.

What are you doing?

- We got 'em, Gus.

- Shut up.

- Hey, do we got 'em Gus?

- Shut up.

Who got killed?

Them or us?

Seriously.

The station doesn't open 'til 7:00.

I got some rooms.

I'm surprised they took us

without reservations.

This is where werewolves

stop on camping trips.

They only had two.

Good night.

- Give me that.

- Five guys in one room?

In the minor leagues,

the whole team sleeps in one room.

I get a bed.

Where were you?

I'm freezing.

Close the window.

Oh, Vicki, baby.

- I missed you so much.

- Stop right there.

Is it back?

That old feeling...

that you'd go nuts

if you don't get to touch me?

Yeah, it's back.

We have to talk first.

Stand over there.

What's changed, Charley?

I still want to be a singer.

You still want to be

chairman of the board.

Somebody's got

to give up something.

I gave up my stock options.

I sold my house.

I left all that behind.

I went crazy without you, baby.

I took that job in Vegas...

'cause I knew it was

the one place that you'd find me.

I never would've

stopped looking.

Charley, this is a curse.

It's okay to love somebody...

but it's neurotic to think

you can't live without them.

I read that

in "Reader's Digest."

I want you back.

We'll live in L.A.

You can sing, dance, act...

Whatever the hell you want,

so long as we're together.

Please?

You won't regret it.

I promise, Charley.

Look at you.

Let's get married

in the morning, baby.

Ah, sh*t, Charley!

- I don't want to get married again.

- We've rehearsed twice.

We're practically professionals.

What's the problem?

- Do you, Charles Raymond Pearl...

- I do.

- Take Victoria to be your

lawfully wedded wife?

- I do.

Not yet.

For as long as you both shall live?

- Now.

- I do.

If the man says, "Can do,"

can do.

Do you,

Victoria Rosemary Anderson...

take Charles

to be your husband?

In sickness and in health?

For better or worse?

Richer or poorer,

so long as you both shall live?

I don't think

she's comin' outta the gate.

The filly's nervous.

Never a winner on this track.

Take your pitch

and swing, baby.

I do.

With the power vested in me,

I pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

This is the

happiest day of my life.

I always love these days,

too, Charley.

I really do.

Hey, atta boy, Charley.

The greatest comeback

in marital history.

- Good luck, babe.

- Thank you.

After Sherry and I get married,

we're gonna get divorced.

- This is so romantic.

- No.

And so the happy newly,

newly, newlyweds...

drove off into the sunset...

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