The Master of Disguise

Many centuries ago...

...a remarkable family

began to practice...

...the magical art of disguise.

Down through the ages

they worked in secret...

...protecting the world from evil.

This is their story.

WeII, stop her!

This is my son.

Most people thought he sold

vacuum cleaners door to door.

But as you can see,

there was more to the story.

Where do you think you're going?

Idiot.

This is a mistake.

That woman is not Bo Derek!

That was cIose.

Too cIose.

I demand to speak

to the American Embassy!

Frabbrizio, it's time your son

is toId of his destiny.

This is no Iife for my son.

I wiII never teII him

of his true destiny.

Frabbrizio decided to keep the family

legacy a secret from his son.

The boy never knew the truth

about his urge to disguise himself...

...with anything he could find.

Pistachio, I hope

you're not making faces...

...in the mirror with the underwear

on the head.

That wouId be crazy, Papa.

UnIess I had the shaving-cream beard

to go aIong with it.

This is my grandson Pistachio.

He has always been a little different.

From the beginning,

he had impulses he couldn't control.

You sIap me, I sIap you.

As Pistachio grew up, he couldn't help

mimicking people around him.

Add the copper suIfate.

Add the copper suIfate.

Add just a IittIe bit of IuminoI.

Add just a IittIe bit of IuminoI.

But he always had

a hard time fitting in.

You think you got muscIes now?

Try this.

Okay.

Why does he have underwear

on his head?

What he didn't know was that

his true adventure was about to begin.

There's a young Iady out here

to see you.

For me? Fantastico!

Yes! Yes!

A young Iady.

Hey, amico!

There's a girI waiting for me!

Mama!

Ask your nice Iady friend to come in,

and I'II make you corned beef ravioIi.

What a grand idea, Mama!

Oh, my sonny-son, handsome son.

Go, go, go.

Naturally, Pistachio wanted

to find a girljust like Mama.

Sophia. What an unexpected

surprise, Iove-cake.

-''Love-cake''?

-I so enjoyed meeting you Iast evening.

I know we had some Iaughs at the bar

Iast night, but you're not my type.

Besides, I have a boyfriend.

So don't caII me, okay? I gotta go.

Yes.

Something about her

reminds me of my mama.

Oh, yes. She wiII be a great cook.

Papa.

I straighten the menu.

I'm okay. I'm okay.

Excuse, young man.

I notice that you became acquainted

with the sidewaIk a moment ago.

I'm not a sports kid.

Pistachio, do one of your funny voices

and cheer the kid up.

What an exceIIent idea, Bernardo.

Yes, yes.

I do for you now a scene

from the hit motion picture Shrek.

You ready? Okay.

Why don't you get away

from me, Donkey?

What you taIking about, ''Get away

from you''? I'm making waffIes.

Oh, what a cute IittIe puppy.

I see you Iike my dog.

His name is The Cuteness.

I never had a dog.

WeII, perhaps your papa

wiII buy you a dog.

I never had a dad.

Papa deficient, yes.

You can pIay with The Cuteness

any time you want.

Let me introduce myseIf.

My name's Pistachio Disguisey.

-My name's Barney Baker.

-A pIeasure, Barney Baker.

And now, hungry patrons.

Arrivederci!

Moron, use a tray next time.

Those are too many pIates.

Ah, the new waiter, Rex.

So cute in your inexperience.

Watch and Iearn, my friend.

Yes, I cIean. I cIean.

Goodbye, gooey sauce.

Cheese? Yes, I give you cheese.

Yes, nice cheese. Yes, cheese.

You Iike, huh? Oh, yes.

Papa.

And finaIIy, we have fresh,

bouncing baby shrimp.

I'II just take the spaghetti.

And do me a favor, buddy.

Get me some man-sized meatbaIIs.

Am I going too fast for you?

Am I going too fast for you?

-You mocking him?

-You mocking him?

-You better not be.

-You better not be.

-Pistachio, stop it. No mocking.

-Pistachio, stop it. No mocking.

Why do you Iet

that IittIe nutbaII be a waiter?

Listen. You have a probIem with my son,

then you have a probIem with me.

You are not weIcome here.

You, and you, get out!

Pistachio, what did I teII you?

Yes, I know, Papa. I'm sorry.

I couIdn't heIp myseIf.

-The mocking's getting worse.

-Nonsense.

There's so many voices in my head

I don't know who I am.

Listen. You are Pistachio Disguisey,

and you're a great waiter.

That is one of the voices.

Not the Ioudest one--

No. You are my son, you understand?

And I wiII aIways be proud of you.

-We shouId have gone to Burger King.

-Perhaps my destiny is far away.

No, my son.

Your destiny is here, okay?

Yes, destiny is here.

But, Papa, don't preach. I'm in

troubIe deep, and I'm keeping my baby.

-You're what?

-What?

Excuse, waiter Rex. What are you doing

with your arm around the cake?

The tush queen, what are you doing

out here with the oversized Rex?

Look, Pistachios, the siIIy voices,

the making faces...

-...it was fun for one second, okay?

-OnIy one second?

I never wanted to go out with youse!

I Iove Rex.

Yeah, got it?

I see. I can take a hint.

The message is coming through

Ioud and cIear.

-I gotta get back to work, baby.

-Okay.

Goodbye, Pistachios.

Get in the car, huh?

Oh, my IittIe cannoIi.

You'II make my Pistachio very happy.

Get in the car now!

Get him in there!

Let's go!

Ransacked!

HeIIo? PoIice? In my home,

it is fuII of ransackery.

Everything different. Where--?

My name is Pistachio.

Mama's cannoIi is here.

Don't call again.

Mama! Papa!

HeavenIy Father, show me a sign.

I promise I'II never mock you again.

My famiIy is missing,

and I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do. I don't know

what to do. I don't know....

Can I heIp you?

-I came to heIp you, Pistachio.

-HeIp me what?

Find your mother

and your father. My son.

My father...

...your son.

HoIy cannoIi, you are my sister.

You don't have a sister, pea brain.

I'm your grandfather.

Yes, that was my next choice.

It's been 23 years.

How did you know I needed heIp?

That and more wiII be reveaIed shortIy.

But for now, Iet me in. I hunger.

So I come down from the rooftop.

I come home.

And there's no Mama, no Papa,

just ransackery.

-Did you ask Jeeves?

-Yes, but no such Iuck.

On the roof, did you hear something

that sounded Iike this:

Yes, exactIy that!

But without the pain on my face.

We have a cIue!

Grandpapa?

-I'm Iooking for my grandfather.

-Grandfather not here.

I'm sorry.

It's me, you idiot!

Amazing. You sound Iike Grandfather.

FooI! I am your grandfather.

I don't....

Latex rubber.

Yes. It's so soft.

Like a soft, fat baby-bottom face.

This is nothing. I'm rusty!

When I'm on the top of my game,

my disguise is seamIess!

Yes, without the seams.

And the pIace is so incredibIy cIean.

So tidy.

Bravo, Grandpa!

Put a cIamp on your pastry hoIe.

I'II give it to you straight.

-You are a Disguisey.

-Yes, Pistachio Disguisey.

I'm begging you,

curb your yammering skuII cave!

Now, throughout history...

...the Disguiseys used their skiIIs

as Masters of Disguise...

...for the betterment of mankind.

In Europe, they used their power

to catch thieves.

Now I've got it. It's mine.

The statue is aIive!

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