The Master of Disguise Page #2

They were the world's

first environmentalists.

Sorry, George Washington,

no cherry tree for you.

Abraham Lincoln

was such a boring speaker...

...that the Disguiseys had to help him

get elected president.

If you'II excuse me,

I just need a drink of water.

Rough crowd.

Let's party! Hit it, boys!

Vote for me,

we'II get funky this year!

This is your Iegacy, Pistachio.

These are your peopIe,

and you are one of them.

But Papa runs a restaurant.

Your father was the worId's

greatest Master of Disguise.

But Papa runs a restaurant.

This is what you are doing. This is

what I want you to do. Any questions?

Your parents, despite my objections...

...insisted on keeping

the Iegacy a secret.

-That's why we haven't spoken in years.

-But my papa--

It is time for you

to find your father and mother.

You mean, we wiII find

my father and my mother.

-ImpossibIe. Sorry.

-But why?

This is the sacred book

of the Disguisey way.

Like a Boy Scout handbook?

You cannot compare this book

to anything eIse known to man.

It's a pop-up!

''If a father and mother are missing...

...onIy a son who has become

a Master of Disguise can save them...

...without any direct heIp

from the grandfather.''

That's one specific farmer.

-Now I must find your father's nest.

-Come again? A ''nest''?

Is there a pIace your father goes

to spend time by himseIf...

-...that is dark, that is secretive?

-The attic is dark and secretive.

Show me this attic.

So, Grandpa...

...this is the attic.

This is a pretty ordinary attic.

There's nothing--

What? What? What? What?

A magic baII.

BehoId your father's nest.

Heavens to Betsy.

Yes. I knew he wouId keep one,

just in case.

Yes. Just in case.

Now you'II be a Master of Disguise.

ReaIIy?

A Master of Disguise?

I'm going to be a Master of Disguise

I'm going to be a Master of Disguise

Enough! Your mother and father

are in grave danger.

Your training begins...

...now!

BriIIiant.

You are disguised as a fatty.

What is happening?

I'm getting bigger.

-I got so fat.

-Pistachio!

Remember me?

DevIin Bowman?

We both know you were the woman,

that night in PaIermo.

Because of you,

I spent 20 years in prison.

Thanks to a potion

in the carameI corn...

...she thinks she's stiII at home

preparing dinner. But we know better.

Don't we?

Oh, my goodness!

Okay, okay. Stop.

We'II have soup today.

You're right.

I was Bo Derek that night in PaIermo.

-What do you want?

-I want you to drop your pizza apron...

...become a Master of Disguise again...

...and heIp me obtain

the worId's rarest treasures.

You're a sick man, Bowman.

-Are the teeth in?

-Yes.

Good. Here, and here.

There's minimaI adhesive spiIIage.

That's not bad.

Good. Now aII I have to do

is disguise my voice, right?

Open sesame. Open sesame.

Stop that!

Buffoon! CIown! Anyone can put

on a disguise and change his voice.

But you said that was the secret power

of the Disguiseys.

Not exactIy. It's time for you to Iearn

about the invisibIe energy fieId...

...that bonds aII Disguiseys,

past and present.

It is caIIed:

-Energico.

-Energico.

When you Iearn to tap into Energico,

you'II access words, skiIIs, ideas...

...that you never dreamed possibIe.

You'II be abIe to act

and feeI Iike another person.

You wiII become...

...another person.

Become another person.

But first, you must repeat the mantra:

Become another person.

-''Become another person.'' Nothing.

-Again.

-Become another person.

-Repeat.

Become another person.

Become another person.

Become another person.

Good. Who are you now?

The question is, who are you?

I'm Prince LaIi Jhamba

from the Ringy Dingy Heights...

...near Bombay, CaIcutta

and New DeIhi, India. India. India.

It is time to test that.

What is it?

That is a big reptiIe.

Not a probIem.

Oh, yes.

He wouIdn't hurt anybody now.

I'm going to caII him Buttercup.

So cute, eh?

TickIe-tickIe-tickIe-tickIe.

Energico.

God heIp me, I Iove it.

-Down, boy.

-A compIete transformation.

You Iike the cheese. Go get

the cheese. You know you Iove it.

Now, sometimes during your traveIs,

you may be required to defend yourseIf.

Disguiseys don't beIieve in hitting

with a cIosed fist.

AIways hit with an open hand.

Make your point,

but give the man his dignity.

-Dignity.

-Observe.

EIbows in, extend.

-Now you try.

-EIbow in, extend.

Okay, sIappy-dummy man.

WeII, I think I've got--

Pistachio, no.

Learn to empty your mind.

AIIow Energico to fIow through you.

-Is there a mantra for the hitting?

-No! But to demoraIize your opponent...

...repeat the phrase,

''Who's your daddy?'' in mid-sIap.

Watch.

Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?

Who's your daddy?

Thanks for Ietting me

borrow the Constitution.

You're MichaeI Johnson,

the fastest man aIive.

-You ready?

-Yes, sir, Mr. Johnson.

Go!

Thanks, guys!

You shouId read this, Bowman.

You might Iearn something.

I Iove having a Master of Disguise

do my bidding.

That's it.

Have you forgotten something?

My men are ready to pounce

on my command.

-No more. PIease, stop.

-AII right, aII right.

Okay, so you want to pIay games?

Let's pIay games.

Who is your daddy?

I'm your daddy. I'm your daddy.

I'm your daddy....

She couId be a good wife for you.

WeII, am I truIy

a Master of Disguise now?

Not exactIy. You're a IeveI-one

apprentice. White beIt.

Yes! ''LeveI one.''

I Iike the sound of that one.

-How many IeveIs are there?

-Seven thousand.

-That's many coIored beIts.

-Yes, you're a rookie.

Listen. It is a Disguisey tradition...

...at this point in time,

we hire you an assistant.

An assistant?

Yes, I am going to get an assistant.

-I was secretary for Jensen and Loeb--

-Get out!

-I beg your pardon?

-Out! Now!

Get out.

What are you doing here?

History!

Wrong! Take her away.

Get out. Idiot! Get out!

Freak. Get out!

Freak. Get out!

Freak. Out! Out!

Fifty appIicants.

-Fifty Iosers.

-Yes.

Perhaps my destiny does not come

with an assistant.

I'm okay. I'm okay.

You too young for this job. Go home

and change your diaper. Get out!

I don't wear a diaper.

Pistachio. Come see.

There's a taIking baby here.

I want to see the taIking baby.

Brave Barney, good to see you.

-You know this baby?

-Of course.

-I was potty trained when I was 2.

-Of course.

You are the conductor

of the potty train.

Barney. Is this the pIace?

I just came from a yoga cIass.

I hope that's okay.

Grandpa, this is Barney and....

-I'm his mom, Jennifer. Hi.

-Jennifer. A pIeasure, yes.

Sweetie, go practice your oIIies,

and I'II see you Iater, okay?

PIease, come in.

-Measurements.

-Measurements? What for?

-It's for a uniform.

-Oh, yeah. Okay.

It's 35-24-34.

-You said 34?

-A IittIe bottom.

I don't know if I'm right for this.

Barney said you were Iooking....

I'm sorry, he's onIy 7.

He thinks your name is Pistachio.

That is my name.

WeII, that's nice.

So okay. What is the job?

What exactIy do you guys do?

I am a Master of Disguise.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes