The Master of Disguise Page #3

He is aIso a Master of Disguise.

TechnicaIIy,

he's a IeveI-one apprentice.

''Master of Disguise''? I don't get it.

You got a probIem with the word

''master,'' or ''disguise''?

Or the word ''of''?

WeII, what wouId I have to do?

What does she have to do?

Not so fast. Answer me this first:

Do you foId easiIy under pressure?

What kind of pressure?

-The kind that makes you cry.

-Like a IittIe baby in its crib.

-What's it pay?

-Pay? Paid in honor, dignity, pride.

Honor, dignity, pride...in its crib.

ActuaIIy, I need cash.

This cat has cIaws.

-Me Iikey.

-Me Iikey too.

But this cat's got no Mama caboose.

You guys know I can hear you, right?

It pays $41 7 a week,

pIus DeIta DentaI.

-I'II take it.

-It's yours. But hear me.

Assistants faII in Iove

with their Disguisey masters.

Can you resist Pistachio?

Yes...

...can you resist me?

So Iisten to me true, Pistachio.

You are now a IeveI 1 .5 apprentice.

Without your heIp, how wiII I know

what to disguise myseIf as?

Listen to your Disguisey instincts.

Answer these questions for yourseIf:

Who, why, where, how wouId they take

your mother and father?

Yes. Who, why, where and why?

No, wrong! Who, why, where and how?

Oh, yes. Who, why, what?

-What and what and what and what?

-What? Wrong! Who, why, where, how?

-Yes. Who, why, where, how?

-That's it! You got it!

Yes! Who, why, where, how?

I say, who, why, where, how?

I say, who, why, where, how?

I say, who, why, where, how?

Yeah, you, empIoyee.

My grandson is stiII raw.

He's unfocused.

When he becomes another person,

he may be unpredictabIe.

About the dentaI,

when Barney and I get stuff done...

...do I pay it,

then you reimburse me?

Or do I biII DeIta DentaI directIy?

I'm not sure how it works.

You sicken me.

I aImost forgot.

-Here is your Nest in a Box.

-''Nest in a Box''?

You may need it. It comes with

instructions. There is something eIse.

The Disguisey BaII of KnowIedge.

When you are in dire straits and don't

know what to do, this wiII be handy.

-I won't Iet you down, master.

-I hope not.

Disguisey thing comes with a Iot

of accoutrements.

-So Iong, master!

-Bye-bye.

AII right, now.

Where to begin our search?

WeII, I guess we couId Iook around

at the spot your father was taken.

That's your idea? That's it?

To Iook around at the spot

where my father was taken?

WeII, that's crazy.

So crazy it just might work.

You know, this couId be something.

PIease, assistant,

don't pIay in the trash...

...whiIe I am

in fuII father-finding mode.

I dated a guy who used to smoke these.

This cigar's from the TurtIe CIub.

Look at the IabeI.

You want to pIay games?

I'II pIay games with you.

There we go.

I dated a guy who used

to smoke these.

This cigar's from the Turtle Club.

Jennifer, do you remember

the thing you once said...

...about the guy you used to date

from the TurtIe CIub?

Yeah.

Yes, my Disguisey instincts

are going crazy.

We shouId pay a visit

to this TurtIe CIub.

It's impossibIe to get in there.

You have to be a member.

You make me Iaugh.

We'II see what's impossibIe,

my ever-doubtfuI assistant.

Now, quickIy...

...to the nest!

You know, the name the ''TurtIe CIub,''

it's just a name.

-You're taking it too IiteraIIy.

-TurtIe.

May I heIp you?

You a member of the cIub?

-Not exactIy.

-Not exactIy.

But am I not turtIey enough

for the TurtIe CIub?

-Is he okay?

-He's fine.

He's fine. TurtIe.

TurtIe.

He's dreamt of this pIace

ever since he was a chiId.

Do you think we can go in for a moment?

We'II be out in five minutes.

-PIease.

-AII right.

TurtIe?

-Not turtIe?

-No.

TurtIe? Not turtIe.

CouId you teII me,

do you recognize this?

I recognize that. I made that cigar

for DevIin Bowman's private coIIection.

-DevIin Bowman.

-TurtIe!

-Is he okay?

-He's fine.

-I'm fine. TurtIe.

-Do you think you can give me...

...an address or phone number

for Mr. Bowman?

Are you crazy?

I can't give you that information.

No information.

What if harm found its way to you?

TerribIe turtIe harm.

WouId that change your mind?

-It's time to go into my sheII.

-No. No, sheII.

-SheII time coming.

-A name is just fine. Thank you much.

TurtIe harm.

The kind of harm that makes you cry out

in the night Iike a IittIe baby.

Hey, baby. Can I buy you a drink?

And maybe some pond water

for your friend?

Very funny.

-TurtIe!

-Where did he go?

I don't reaIIy know what to say

about what went on back there.

-I know, it was Iike a dream, but reaI.

-I don't--

Tomorrow we wiII find out

just who this DevIin Bowman is.

-This turtIe thing--

-Then we'II find Mama and Papa.

If I'm going to work tomorrow...

...I'II need a Iift

because my boyfriend has my car.

A boyfriend.

Yes, a boyfriend.

It's getting Iate.

I'm going to go in, okay?

Okay. Good night, my Iove-cake.

-''Love-cake''?

-What?

-You said ''Iove-cake.''

-Why wouId I?

-Your hindquarters are scrawny.

-What?

What I was trying to say is that...

...I have a present for Barney.

-Give this to him, from his dad?

-What?

Da-da-da-dat-ItaIian guy. Me.

Oh, okay. This is very sweet of you.

Kneepads. He can use these.

-WeII, thank you.

-Nighty-night.

Good night.

SIeepy time, she comes.

Thanks for the Liberty BeII.

I'II bring it right back.

And remember, that's an action figure,

not a doII.

Sure thing, Governor Ventura. Thanks.

Who'd have thought Governor Ventura...

...wouId be the perfect disguise

to abscond with the Liberty BeII?

Me.

My skiIIs were meant for the betterment

of mankind, not for greed and eviI.

PIease.

You shouId see your hair.

You've got serious mask-head.

Pistachio, meet my boyfriend, Trent.

There he is.

Heard a Iot about you, Pistach.

How are you?

I forgot my purse. I'II be right back.

Lay off my Iady, you freak.

My, you are a touchy-feeIy guy, Trent.

Saved by the uncoordinated

IittIe brat. Hey, Barn.

Grind that curb, buddy. Yeah!

I'm okay. I'm okay.

What a Ioser.

-Thanks for the pads. They heIp.

-You'II Iearn with practice, Barney.

I'II keep trying.

What kind of crap

are you putting in his head?

-Niceness?

-Niceness? What are you, his dad?

You trying to horn in on my action?

You trying to horn in on my action?

-What?

-What?

-You mocking me?

-You mocking me?

But I warn you, Trent.

My sIap-practice dummy gets

quite a workout IateIy.

You want to fight?

See what awaits you?

First watch the feet. So fast.

Look at my hands. Look at them.

Too fast.

Hey, Barn.

Just keep practicing.

You'II just be fine, okay?

I'm ready.

How come I can't do it and you can?

Baby, I'II see you

after work, okay? Bye.

He is so good with chiIdren, huh?

I'm never gonna find anything

about this DevIin Bowman guy.

Who's your daddy?

Listen, cIassmate.com thing.

''To be the worId's greatest

bIack marketeer...

...and possess

the rarest treasures on earth...

...then store them

in an underground Iair.''

What? This guy is crazy.

Did you hear this?

I can't beIieve he wouId write

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