The Matchbreaker
- PG
- Year:
- 2016
- 94 min
- 95 Views
1
Why'd you break up with her?
Seven reasons, actually.
Number one, she doesn't vote.
Eh?
Shh.
Number two, she cheered for
Bulgaria in the last Olympics.
Bulgarians don't
even cheer for Bulgaria.
Ok, so it was one Bulgarian,
and he was missing an arm.
The rest of the time,
she cheered for America?
Yes.
Ok, that one's a stretch too.
Look, why don't you just
forget your seven reasons
and admit that you
only need one to talk
yourself out of any girl?
What's that?
That she's not Emily.
False.
You've been in love with
No one's ever gonna measure up.
That's probably true.
Emily Atkins.
Imagine every day, a
12-year-old supermodel
literally turned your
hallway into a runway...
A runway of love.
Are you sure you're
not exaggerating a bit?
I don't even need to.
I doubt that.
Trust me.
While other kids were
building basic housing,
she was building Eiffel towers.
So she was French?
Nope, but she
spoke French fluently.
She was probably
the most thoughtful
person that ever existed.
One time, she had all
the kids in school
sign a card for Mrs. Lackra
when she broke her arm.
She even brought her flowers.
Or maybe that was her birthday.
I can't remember.
This year's humanitarian award
for her work with homeless
homing pigeons and reprogramming
the left handed, Emily Atkins.
I was in awe of her, never
dreaming that on June
4th, 2004, at 3:
26 pm,she would take my heart,
throw it in a backpack,
toss it in a Van, and
drive away with it.
You poor thing.
I was devastated.
It was the worst day of my life.
Really?
Yep.
And I haven't seen her since.
It was the kind of love you
only get one chance at in life,
and I let it slip
through my fingers.
Quite a love story, considering
Yes I did, once.
What'd you say?
Ahh, that's a
moment that I'd like
to keep between me and Emily.
Look, I licked a leprechaun.
Ok, I think they got it.
Hold on, I'll
turn on the lantern.
Dang it, I said hold on!
Ok.
He's not going
to be in any hurry
if you don't pay your
half of the rent.
I will, all right?
I just got a little behind.
Who knew car repairs
would be so expensive?
Everyone.
You kidding me?
You actually wrote
down the reasons why?
I'm a visual thinker.
"Seven reasons to dump someone"
just looks bad on paper.
Dang it.
I told you not to
leave your stuff
in the middle of the floor.
- No, no, no.
Just shut up, all right?
All right, you're
never going to find
a girl as perfect as Emily.
Once you've been in the
presence of perfection,
it's hard to settle
for anything less.
Yeah, but you've become
such a nit picky freak.
It's a gift.
Tell that to your sister.
Come on, Lexie.
The guy's a loser.
He's not.
And tell me this.
He slept through
"sleepless in Seattle,"
the greatest romantic
comedy of all time,
but what does he have to say
about the transformers movies?
best picture consideration.
For which one?
All of them.
Case closed.
Why would you do that?
That's terrible.
show that cracking your knuckles
isn't bad for you.
Lexie, dump him.
He's cute.
Cute won't keep
the conversations
from drifting to the underrated
talents of Megan fox.
Have I ever steered
you wrong before?
Pet coyote incident
of 2003 comes to mind.
Fond memories.
Yeah, rabies shots
are memorable.
What?
Hey, you want a smoothie?
Oh, man.
We're in trouble.
Quick, grab the
cord from the hall.
Oh, someone's there.
Shoot, it's probably Tully.
Oh, man.
Are you Matt?
There we go.
I'm taking the power
strip and the smoothie.
When can I expect the rest?
Of the smoothie?
Of the rent.
Soon.
There are a couple of
unforeseen expenses.
And I'm asking for a raise
tomorrow at Martin's computers.
Do you think
you're gonna get it?
I deserve it.
Who's your boss?
The skinny guy with the toupee?
You want me to go
down there and...
What, beat him up?
No.
rewire his ceiling fan,
make it run backwards.
You know there's a
switch for that, right?
Yeah, good point.
That'll save me some time.
Anyway, I need the rent.
My wife wants to
get her face waxed.
What does that even mean?
I don't know.
Some new spa place are
doing a three for one sale.
She's also getting
her ears exfoliated
and her elbows bleached.
It's going to cost me $500.
But it'll be worth it if I
don't recognize her afterwards.
Whatever, we have power.
Here you go.
Thank you.
How much do I owe you?
No charge.
Oh, could they not fix it.
I knew what the problem
was, so I didn't bother
getting a technician involved.
Don't tell anyone.
Oh, thank you.
You're welcome.
Have a nice day.
Thank you.
Same to you.
Don't think of it
as me firing you.
Think of it as store
policy firing you.
You didn't follow the rules.
You gave a few people their
computers back without charge.
It adds up.
Cathy will be sending
you your final paycheck.
She's right down the hall.
We went out one time.
She's really nice.
We had dinner.
I can work here.
Please.
You don't know the first
thing about arranging.
Some people would
love this design.
Really?
Who?
Who would love that?
Anarchists.
People who like
disorder and mayhem.
Those guys always put weird
things in their apartments.
You know, another option...
No, you cannot live with me.
But you can stop hanging
around here and go get a job.
Hey, Mrs. Taylor.
Hey, Lexie.
You here to pick up the
flowers for the hospital?
Yes, I am.
Thank you.
Cool, be right back.
Oh, I saw your mother last week.
She's my favorite nurse.
Oh, well, you're her
favorite volunteer.
She said that you
had a break up.
Are you ok?
I'm fine.
Ok.
You'll bounce back.
I'll get your order.
You're Ethan, aren't you?
Oh, yes ma'am.
In what way?
She said you're the Helen
Keller of relationships.
deaf when it comes to women?
No, you're the miracle worker.
Oh, you mean her
teacher, Amy Sullivan?
How's that?
You help the love
struck Helen Kellers
that they're too blind to see.
I don't understand.
ending it with her boyfriend.
Well, ultimately it was her
decision to do that, but...
Did you convince her
to break up with him?
Kinda.
There you have it.
In fact, that they told
me that you've saved
Lexie from a few disasters.
She listens to me.
Why?
She trusts me, and I'm
just good at spotting
incompatibilities.
Why the 20 questions?
Could you do that for me?
Excuse me?
- Oh.
- Here you go.
Thank you.
Um, how much is this?
$10.
Sold.
We have a blind patient
and it's her birthday,
so could you put a ribbon on it?
Thanks.
Can you get rid of my
daughter's boyfriend?
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