The Men Who Stare at Goats Page #3

Men and women

who can fall in love with everyone,

...sense plant auras,

pass through walls,

...stop saying mindless cliches

and see into the future.

I want you to

join me in this vision.

Be all you can be.

Amongst Bills audience that day

was a Brigadier General...

...from the Defense

Intelligence Agency.

Dean Hopgood.

For some time, the General

had been concerned with...

...Soviet research

into psychic powers.

According to some stories,

...the Soviets had designed

"psychotronic generators. "

Machines capable of bombarding

the President with negative energy.

They were also conducting

sadistic experiments...

...to see whether animals

had psychic powers.

Could they, for instance,

...telepathically detect that their

babies were distressed?

Sick bastards.

But when did the Soviets begin

this type of research?

Well, sir...

It looks like they found out

about our attempt to...

...telepathically communicate with

one of our nuclear subs.

The Nautilus, while it was

under the Polar cap.

- What attempt?

- There was no attempt.

It seems the story

was a French hoax.

But the Russians think

the story about the story...

...being a French hoax

is just a story, sir.

So, they've started psi research...

...because they thought

we were doing psi research,

when in fact we

weren't doing psi research?

Yes, sir. But now that

they're doing psi research,

...we're gonna have to

do psi research, sir.

We can't afford to have the Russians

leading the field in the paranormal.

Two weeks later, the Army adopted

the slogan:
"Be all you can be. "

And appointed Bill, Commander of the

first New Earth Army battalion.

Lyn?

Lyn!?

Lyn? Lyn!

What?

Nothing, I...

- What? What are you doing?

- Salute to the sun.

Alright. We're Oscar Mike.

- That's "On the Move", soldier.

- Right.

What are you doing?

Cloud bursting.

Keeps me in shape.

- Really? Which one?

- That one.

- What? This one?

- No. That one. The big one.

Isn't that too far away?

They're all far away.

And it's gone.

Jesus, you had like

the whole desert to drive in, Lyn.

I'm sorry about that Bob.

Must have got a little

bi-locational there.

Don't worry it though.

Somebody will come along soon.

- Heads.

- Right.

- Head.

- Right.

- What's your record at this?

- Two hundred and sixty four. Tails.

Right. Well, that's pretty...

Thank you, Jesus.

Good Jesus!

Please! Please!

Please!

Can you help us?

Can you help?

Can you help?

We drove into a rock.

And I wonder, if you could

take us to some...

...like a town or someplace?

Can we... we get in?

Thank you.

He says fattore.

Fattore, he says.

We can get in.

Come on.

Thank you. Thank you for, uh,

picking us up.

No car's came by.

How... How far is...

Lyn?

- Is this...

- Yeah.

We're gonna die.

We're gonna be killed by Al Qaeda.

- I don't think they're Al Qaeda.

- What the hell do you know?

You don't know.

You don't know!

You don't know anything!

This is all your fault!

Bob, there's something

I have to tell you.

When I said that I was retired

from the unit, that was a lie.

I'm on a mission.

DeWitts was just my cover.

I've been reactivated.

I couldn't tell you

because this is a Black Op.

But I think you have a role to play.

I think that's why you're here.

You're an idiot.

You know why I'm here?

I just wanted to get into Iraq

so I could prove to my wife...

...that I wasn't a...

And now I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna die.

And she's right. I'm such a...

...fuckhead!

Bob, have you ever heard of

"Optimum Trajectory"?

What?

"Optimum trajectory. "

Your life is like a river.

That you're aiming for a goal

that isn't your destiny,

...you'll always gonna be swimming

against the current.

Young Gandhi wants to be

a stock-car racer?

It's not gonna happen.

Little Anne Frank wants to

be a High School teacher.

Tough titty Anne.

That's not your destiny.

But you will go on to move

the hearts and minds of millions.

Find out what your destiny is

and the river will carry you.

Now, sometimes events in life...

...give an individual clues

as to where their destiny lies.

Like those little doodles

you just happened to draw?

It's the Ajna chakra,

the third eye.

The symbol of the Jedi.

When I saw that

you're drawing it, well...

...the Universe gives you clues

like that, you don't ignore it.

You're meant to be here with me, Bob.

It's the Jedi in you

that sensed it.

Now, I don't think these guys

are FRL's or Mahdi Army...

...I think we're talking

standard criminals here.

Which means they're gonna try

to sell us to another group.

- We can't let that happen.

- How are we gonna stop them?

There's three of them!

And they've got guns!

We're Jedi, Bob.

We don't fight with guns.

We fight with our minds.

What do you mean?

Okay, let's say that we have no choice

but to fight with these guys.

We will use visual aesthetics

to instill psychically...

...in the enemy

a disincentive to attack.

What do you mean?

Okay, you pick one of them out,

you lock eyes with him,

...and you go into this monotone

and you're gonna go...

"I'm not going to attack you. "

You relax your body and your voice.

And you just rip out

one of his eyes.

Or you get a pen

and you stab him in the neck,

you create this...

a fountain of blood,

I mean a real fountain, get it

squirting all over his buddies.

That is a psychic disincentive,

right there.

We haven't got a pen.

You're missing the point.

Come here.

Stand up. Come.

Let me show you something.

Alright.

- Choke me.

- I don't want to, Lyn.

Choke me.

What am I gonna do?

I don't know...

there's too many sharp edges.

It's okay.

You can "attack me. "

What's with the quotation fingers?

It's like saying, I'm only capable

of ironic attacking or something.

Choke me!

Well, if I choose to choke you,

what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna interrupt your

thought pattern.

See? I barely moved.

Physics wise,

not much going on here.

It's the psychic energy that's

important. You okay?

- Sharp edges.

- Yeah.

- You felt fear though in the beginning?

- Yes.

Would you say that level of fear

was abnormal?

I don't know. I was pretty

terrified anyway...

...but the fear I felt on the run-up

to the choking was, you know, unusual.

You know why?

Because it wasn't you.

It was me.

I was inside your head.

Fighting with the mind.

- Now, you must always...

- Okay. We'll go.

I'm sorry I freaked out

back there, Lyn.

You learned a lesson.

"Whatever you fear most

has no power over you,

...it's the fear

that has the power. "

- Bill?

- Oprah.

You really don't work

for DeWitts?

Just my cover.

Gus Lacey said

you ran a dance studio.

That was just cover too, right?

No. I do run a dance studio.

I love dancing.

And you're out here

on a mission, right?

In time, Bob.

Did you mean what you said back there

when you said I had some...

...I had some Jedi in me?

We learn to recognize our own kind.

Haven't you always felt like

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