The Men Who Stare at Goats Page #4

you were different?

Yes. Yes, I have.

That's the way it is for us.

We're the ones who don't fit in,

when we were kids.

Have you always had powers?

Kind of.

Foxtrot-117 has launched.

Tracking now.

Charlie-Oscar 31.8066667...

Did you crash those computers?

Yes, sir.

Far f***ing out!

How would you feel

about a transfer, son?

I am Lieutenant Colonel Bill Django.

If you pass this course...

...you'll be a psychic weapon.

An angel of death,

our enemies worst nightmare!

Until that time, youre nothing!

Less than nothing!

- Do you understand?

- Sir! Yes, sir!

I'm just kidding about this sh*t.

Okay, what shall we do now, uh?

Let's dance.

Okay.

Give it everything you've got.

That's it.

- What's your first name, Cassady?

- Lyn, sir.

You've gotta free your feet

before you can free your mind, Lyn.

I'm not really much of a dancer, sir.

That's not true, is it?

You can dance.

It's just someone told you not to.

Stop acting so f***ing queer!

Well, I'm your commanding officer,

and I'm ordering you to...

...let the dance out!

Come on, dance!

Goddammit!

Let it go!

Let it go!

That's it!

Welcome to the Heroes Journey, Lyn.

Okay everyone, remember,

we officially do not exist as a unit.

And remember,

no solid food for the first week.

Belgian waffle, ginseng

and amphetamines.

Not to be abused,

but very f***ing handy.

There's the opening.

Feel the bend now. You feel it?

That's it! Yeah!

- Think cold!

- Bravo Zulu! Yeah!

Mother Earth, my life support

system as a soldier,

I must drink your blue water,

live inside your read clay,

...and eat your green skin.

Carry my body through

space and time.

You're my connection to the Universe

and all that comes after.

I'm yours and you are mine.

I salute you.

After years of feeling

like an oddball...

...Lyn had finally found a home.

At last he was with men who prided

themselves on being different.

Left shoulder, that's it.

These were Golden Days for Lyn.

There was something so noble

and pure in Bill's vision...

...that the Jedi's felt inspired

to be more than soldiers.

In a world torn apart by

greed and hate...

they would be a force for good,

for peace.

For the first time in his life

Lyn felt truly happy.

Then into the garden

a serpent did come.

Let me finish this.

Let me finish this.

Larry Hooper was a failed Sci-Fi

writer from Colorado,

...recruited to the Jedi

after General Hopgood...

...met him at a

spoon-bending party.

Jesus!

You did this?

You son of a...!

Right from the start...

...he had made himself unpopular

with the rest of the unit.

Congratulations, Scotty. I'm sorry

it doesn't work out between you two.

Larry made it quite clear that

he despised most of the other Jedi's.

Hey, man! How'd you like it

if somebody did that to you?

But Lyn...

Lyn was different.

F*** off!

He really hated him.

K-9. Scotty?

It's...

- It's something cylindrical? It's a pencil?

- Okay. Larry?

This is Larry's spirit guide, Maud.

I'm looking into the cupboard now.

And I see...

I see...

...a tin mug?

Lyn?

It's a man sitting on a chair.

No, wait a minute.

You said A, not K!

- He said A.

- Bravo Zulu, Lyn. Outstanding.

After a year's training,

Lyn was given his first tasking.

A senior NATO General had been kidnapped

by Red Brigade members in Italy.

Bill was unofficially asked

if his unit would be able to...

...help find him

before it was too late.

We're north of Verona.

It's a small town near a lake.

I can see a cinema.

Across the street from the cinema,

there's a shop.

Or it's a... it's a cafe.

He's in the apartment above the cafe.

The name of the town is...

...it's something sweet.

Dolce.

The name of the town is Dolce.

Bill had never encountered anyone

with such psychic capabilities.

And from that moment on,

Lyn's reputation soared.

Rank, medals... these things

mean little to the Jedi.

But growth in spirit, in wisdom,

in psychic power,

...these are things

that earn our respect.

Native Americans believed that

when one received the Eagle feather,

...it was the mark of love,

of gratitude...

...and ultimate respect.

Only true human beings

may carry the Eagle feather.

- Way to go, Lyn!

- That's great!

The word soon got out in the

intelligence community...

...that there was a sergeant

at Fort Bragg...

...who could find whatever

you needed found.

It was as if Lyn could fly

anywhere in the world...

...without leaving his room.

As Bill said:

the Force truly was strong

with this one.

Lyn?

Don't worry, Bob.

We're not gonna get in that truck.

You don't want us.

You don't want us!

Put your weapon away.

Put your weapon away.

Bob, don't move.

Put your weapon away.

Bob, don't move.

Bob, stay put!

Bob, stop!

La tutlek. Ana sahaffi.

Hold it right there.

Now at the time I thought

Lyn was having some kind of fit here.

Later I discovered

what he was actually doing...

...was performing

the Echmeyer technique.

Ben Echmeyer was a Vietnam vet

with sixty-three confirmed kills.

He remains the only non-Korean to

achieve the rank of Master in Kwa Ra Do.

It's been said he could have

a tug of war with a dozen men...

...and not move an inch.

He was also able to lift bags

of sand on hooks...

...hung through his scrotum.

He was one of the Jedi teachers

at Fort Bragg.

Sir, what is the practical

application of this?

Ben caused quite a stir

by advocating his controversial...

..."shock and awe"

knife attack method.

The approach was hailed by some

knife aficionados as revolutionary

but criticized by others who believed

that the leaping and spinning...

...might lead you to

accidentally stab yourself.

Lyn Cassady, however,

became a firm convert to the style.

Of course, Lyn didn't actually have

a knife with him at this particular time.

So, I still think that

what he did was kind of...

...reckless.

Throw your hands up!

You idiot.

Sh*t! Sh*t!

They are not coming!

We're okay. We're okay.

They're not coming! We'll be alright.

Oh, sh*t!

There he is.

Sir, it's okay!

We're Americans.

We're here to help you!

Sir!?

Sir, will you...

Oh, crap!

- What happened? What happened?

- I think I just ran him over.

Sir?

Are you alright, sir?

Bob, give me a hand.

Come on! Help him up!

Get him up here!

Bring him up!

Bring him up!

Sh*t! Sh*t!

Who is that?

Don't move!

Let's see your hands!

Now!

Todd Nixon,

Army small business office.

Mahmud Daash.

Ask me what business I'm in,

Muhammad.

Mahmud.

What business are you in, sir?

Right now, I'm in the

quality of life business.

We've got over 25 million Iraqis out

here who wanna be independent,

...wanna make something

for themselves.

More than anything else

they wanna buy stuff.

Cell phones, digital cameras,

leisure suits... you name it.

If it sells in Boston,

we can damn well sell it in Baghdad.

Am I right, Muhammad?

He knows what I'm talking about.

We've got Halliburton, Parsons,

Perini... just in the primes.

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